Thursday, February 26, 2009

St Mary Market

My cousin, Bodhisattva Harlem Mama, and her mama have been selling Jamaican products online for some time. I went through today, and was impressed with how many items were in the catalogue. Of course my daddy's sweet golden honey from his farm needs to be there and so does Imelda's line of sweet treats, but those are my marketing responsibilities. I may hate PR, but getting the word out on something I believe in, is only my pleasure.

St Mary Market

Those who wait

After sitting without a phone for a month, and having my most isolated 4 weeks to date, I have finally been given a replacement. And it will be a BlackBerry. It is only fair because I was using my personal BB on the job when it kicked the bucket (died). Funny thing is that it is not being replaced by the job, but by the phone company itself. Those phones sell for $700 here. That's almost the price of the 105mm f/2.8 macro lens.

So good things come to those who wait huh?

I dont know what I will get but I will get it in had today.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Late nights and early mornings

I went to bed last about 4am and barely managed to eek out 3 hours of sleep. What is totally unbelievable to me is that I have been able to manage till now without a puss nap. Even went to the sukarmarket (Imelda's word for supermarket). These are more like regularmarkets though, because you end up having to go to at least 3 to get the three ingredients to cook rice.

Turns out that I got paid today. Thank heavens. I went to the ABM in faith that there was an errant 10 bucks in my account. I gasped when I saw my salary. Anyone looking on would have thought that maybe they had made the deposit to the wrong account or something.

So I hightailed it to the sukarmarket with Neighbour who from now on I will call Silly. Neighbour is too long. So Silly went with me and we marvelled that certain things were actually put on ice, and that there was relatively low junjo (decay) this week.

I got my honey whole nut cereal and soy milk, and turkey breast and brown bread and chicken wings for lots and lots of chicken soup. Treated myself to a bottle of the best of the worst Merlot available in the world. Need to take my multivitamins and resume my morning green juice cleansing routine. Dont know if I can juggle that, exercise, breakfast and pack lunch and still get to work before sundown. EEEKS ...this is beginning to sound like earlier mornings. Damn. We will play that sankey by air.

So I am back in the swing.

Modifying diet and resuming exercise.

I will go for another ride tomorrow evening. Eventually, I would like to build up to a 45 min circuit 6 mornings a week and cycling two evenings per week.

I am giving up cigarettes for lent. I am on my last pack.. It will be finished by tomorrow. Wish me luck.

"Deep financial cow-dung"

That was a quote from the Gleaner writer. Daviot Kelly, an apt description, if there ever was, of the financial drama that the US economy is playing lead role in. In true US cultural (and financial penetration), the rest of the world has found itself in the same prekeh.

But others also use this US recession as an excuse to cover up the realities of their own crappy fiscal management.

Another late pay date. Two months in a row. No visible end in sight.

Today is the day in the contract. It was announced in the media that it would have been ready (so I hear) by Monday. Monday come and gone and by the looks of it, so will today. It could be Friday. It could be March 5.

I have two dollars in my pocket and $255 owed to me by another person who does not think me hungry enough to pay me back. I guess portly people should never lend money. It was actually $300 that I had given on loan but upon request one month later, only $45 was paid back...the rest due by pay date (for January).

So, I will have the last of the yogurt, and by tomorrow, I will have to dig deeper into my hurricane food (all the dry and canned goods that nobody really wants to eat everyday).

Bottom line is that in this uncertain climate, I am still most grateful to have an income, no matter how late.

It was a good thing I took this contract when I did or I would be suffering trying to peddle wares for a morsel. Business is slow in my field because when money is tight, guess what they cut first? People like me.



if only it was that easy.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Fire Warrior

In a bid to add some excitement to this otherwise routine existence...I am playing with fire.


It is my sign after all.

Cycling and cigarettes

I went home yesterday and went straight back out on my bicycle. Yes. I went for a ride. Not far, but over enough slopes to feel thoroughly winded when I returned home.

Maybe it is time to quit smoking. Plus I just realised that when I buy cigarettes here I spend $100 per carton (20 packs). My 3 duty free cartons have now been whittled to 2 single packs. Normally it's $33 duty free in the airport. This does not compute. That's roughly $150-200 per month. Damn- that's a suped-up MacBook Pro in 20 months, or a Nikkor 24-70 lens in 11 months, or a trip to Cuba in 10 or Haiti in three.

Hmmn... just why do I smoke again? It may be worth my while to find another bad habit. One that is FREE!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Where I want to travel to

In no order:

1. Africa: Ghana, South, Ethiopia, Egypt, Morocco
2. Cuba.
3. India
4. Japan
5. China
6. Maldives
7. Haiti
8. Brazil
9. Bali
13.Italy & Sicily
17.Unite Kingdom (Great Britain and Northern Ireland)

Adding value in an economic recession

I have totally revolutionalized my relationship with money. I have had to. The beauty of not having a chick nor child to care for is that you get to have a lit bit more disposable income-relatively speaking.

I have always found the most decent of rather cheap lodgings available. Don't believe in working to make my landlord wealthy, or to have a posh crib for the purpose of having a posh crib. I waited until my first car broke down to buy another used vehicle that would yield a higher selling price. I paid up hefty payments on my credit cards to avoid higher interest rates.

Now, not much has changed. I live in the cheapest two bedroom apartment that was available. It's even cheaper than many one bedrooms. My car was bought used and shipped here from Japan and will yield about double buying price when sold. I no longer have credit cards. I buy only what I have cash to buy. Many things no longer make the cut.

1. I do my hair myself. From washing, to colouring, to treating to grooming, I do it all. I have dreadlocks. But having practiced my own hair care for years, I am even better than some pros. This saves me roughly $100 monthly.

2. I do my own manicures. I splurge on professional pedicures only when the ESC is around, and as you know, that's every few months. Savings $90 monthly

3.I work out at home. Forget gym membership, I bought the gym on DVD and two wheels. That's right- DVDs and a bicycle. I quit the gym long ago after I added up all the money I was giving to my Olympic personal trainer, who is good, but face it, with those fees, richer than me. I could not afford to be paying over $200 monthly just because I had no personal discipline to show up to a training session on my own.

4. I eat 95% of meals at home. I may not be Enid Donaldson, Martha Stewart or Easy Skanking Chef, but I am my own personal chef. Complete with canned and prepackaged items for those days that cooking is the last thing on my mind. My food tastes better than the crappy restaurants here anyway!In a week, it could go from canned tuna to pan seared garlic crusted salmon with a coconut sauce. Savings: $600 monthly

5. I drink at home. Of course in moderation but that $5 bottle of beer costs 3 in the off-license. And the bottle of wine/vodka is also significantly cheaper. I have been drinking less anyway.

6. I steal wireless. Yes i am a wireless thief. Wasn't always, but when communication was shot in the hurricane, and the lone telecoms company offering hi-speed internet refused to get it's infrastructure back up, you get used to going to hot spots. Now that service is being restored, I have no desire to get a bill. Why pay for what you can freely receive? I use a mac so I am not so worried about viruses. Though I should be worried about security . Maybe this wasn't such a good point.

7. I have no landline. For the same reason above. And I will not resume the plan that cost me $70 monthly without making a single call. I will make all my calls from my company sponsored SIM. If only I would get a replacement phone.

8. I dont buy clothes, bags, shoes, decorative home things. I use what I have. On an island this small, just who the hell am I going to impress with a pair of new shoes every month? Dry rot accelerates here too, so this is just not the place to be glam.

After being such a miser with the small things, here is what I will spend on:
1. Photography
2. Travel (that adds to my life experience)
3. Videography
4. Related computer, tech gadgets and software
5. Books, DVDS, CDs

They say a fool and his money are soon parted.

Pleasing everybody

I don't have a phone. I have already written about that. This past weekend has been a little of a roller coaster ride for me. And I have gone through it on this blog.

My aim is not to please everybody. I leave that unattainable feat to daylight hours of paid work in the field of PR. Here, I am me. Undiluted. Unadulterated. Uncompromising. I have had to schmooze and booze with too many people -who I'd rather not spend a moment's company with- while donning the rather uncomfortable cloak of diplomacy.

If I do find a few people who happen to like the plain, moody, borderline psycho-wack mumbo jumbo that is this blog, at least I know that others can identify.

But I am getting tired of the feeling of being two-faced. Though, others in the corporate world may say that I am a little bit too straightforward. But showing up everyday to be with people I wouldn't want to socialize with even after years of solitary confinement... just about does me in. Why cant my spirit be set free?

I just want to live the life of the quintessential mad artist (but with work good and regular enough to enjoy it).

But for now, I am two faced. Hiding behind one or another so as not to hurt people's feelings, and perhaps to please them and avoid the pain of rejection. My real friends know me for who I really am. These "people" are my family.

I love them dearly and yet, sometimes I can't stand them.

The fundamentalist Christian upbringing sought to fixing a noose around my spirit. I have lived with more guilt about being a sinner than Barnabas. And top it all, I am the bastard child of a dichotomy.

I smoke. I drink. I have not been to church in 9 months. The one time I went and played games on my Blackberry doesn't count. In spite of my habits, I still manage to be a deeply spiritual person and increase my faith.

But some people are judgmental. Some people like to point fingers to say "that one is soo..." as if being condescending raises their status. The great disappointment about growing up is looking back at all the moulds you tried to fit in to be more likable and agreeable only to discover that those who are most unfairly critical of you have equally or even more damming skeletons in their closets. So who is trying to please who?

I may be the isolated black sheep, but I will damn well be true to me.

Note to self

Curiosity may have killed the cat but I'm no pussy.


Sunday, February 22, 2009

Back to "normal"

I snapped out of my funk. An early morning conversation with an endearing gentleman saw to that. He didn't even have to try. I did not have to express my woeful state of affairs. He was just being himself and in so doing, he managed to let the sun peak through the hazy cloudiness.

I was chatting with him online while I wrote the last post.

It got even better.

Could I have found myself another muse?

Sun bathing in the nude

I went to sleep about 4 am. I went to bed at 2:30. I woke up at 7. Had some dumb dream and slumber was restless. I woke up and looked at my own sad eyes reflected on my glossy widescreen mac.

Saw an email from ESC. As expected, he is lost somewhere in euphoria. I am truly happy for him. Two sad people is infinitely more depressive than one. Haven't written him back because as much as I say I like picking fights, I often only do them in my head. I have a vivid imagination, so blow by blow play comes effortlessly.

I think it may be good to go to the beach today and get submerged in the water and watch my woes ebb and flow wide the tide. Maybe they will drift away to sea and end up somewhere on the coast of Hispanola. I hope not in Haiti though because God knows they don't need no more trouble.

I like to feel each emotion that comes at me...good and bad. There is a time for everything under the sun. Including sadness. To much of anything isn't good. Including happiness.

I 've got me a case of "the mean reds" (think Holly Golightly in Capote's Breakfast at Tiffany's).

I wish I could go naked. I love being naked on a deserted and isolated beach. I did that last, early 2008, running up and down in the middle of the day, wild free, like my ancestors would have been before the Europeans colonized our freedom an labelled it uncivilized. I felt I was back a time long before me... when nakedness was a way of life and the body more than sexual. A casing for the spirit. That was pure unadulterated bliss.

I sun bathe topless in Negril and have gone to other nude beaches in Jamaica, but I go only when no one else does, and whenever company arrives, I drape my sarong around me and leave. Hedonism is best fed in isolation.

Then again I come from a family in which groups of us go nude bathing at night at family reunions. Nothing sexual about that either. I dont think the uncles go. But cousins and some aunts do. Of course I am in that lot.

But it takes on a different spin when it's in the daylight. And that's when I truly like it.There is something about nakedness and the sun and water which make a powerful cleansing potion.

Welcome to my head.

A Dream Deferred

Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

My dream deferred

It's going to be a long night tonight. I am tired, but wound up, going through emotions like punches coming from left right and centre.

I was angry. It went downhill from there.

Now I am just tired. I am tired of an existence that is becoming ritualistic. How may permutations can there be in this isolation? I know I have plans, a mission, but I am entitled to falling from such graceful ambition, if only periodically.

I feel pent up. Like a pressure cooker with a tight lid an weight on too tight. No steam escapes. The pressure builds.

I am roughly $700 short of funds to get my camera. With all my research, I didn't realise I was looking on the wrong lens. I also forgot to factor in the cost of getting from this 7mile long island ($170) to the one with the international airport. My budget was already tight, down to the last cent. I have to ship them within the US and fly there and pick them up myself or pay $1400 in import duties to ship directly here. I was also looking forward to christening the camera in Harlem and DC. I needed to see my cousins and their babies -who are no longer babies- who I have never seen. I needed the break. A change of scenery. The continued motion. The notion that I was on a plane taking me the fuck out of here, even for a short time.

Yet another dream deferred. One more month is a helluva long wait after 10 years. You may say "its no big deal since [I ] have already waited so long." Tell that to a mother in labour.

The distance. The wait for camera and a passionate embrace. All too much for one 5'6" woman in this moment.

I don't want to wait.I cried when I realised that I will have to wait until the end of April as opposed to March. I can't explain the disappointment. Sheer and complete agony. So many delays. So many restrictions. So much smalling up of me. And all for too long. Something has got to give.


Boiling point

My blood boils
coagulating all that is good and sweet in me

Life has not been easy
hurdling has left me

I try to find centre
but fail hitting my mark

Life is rocky as it is
much less to complicate it with love

The memories of loves not fulfilled
never truly fade
though no longer viable

Maybe I was born to be fueled by angst and discord
smoke myself into oblivion

I want to cry but tears elude me
do something
break something
shatter the silence

Run naked
anything but this quiet

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Angry mad gyal

I like picking fights. I'm about to pick one now.

I've just made a playlist of all the loud and angry music I have in iTunes. Not in any mood for soft and sweet.

I'm running low on Dunhill Lights. Cigarettes aren't the only things I am running low on.

I am a pratical person. At least so I like to think. That's why I chose a field that was practical by verb and noun. So why have I chosen a relationship that is totally impractical on every level? Yes I kinda like the space, but in moments like this, I don't.

So now I am also a contradiction.

I am being stretched in a way that makes me wonder if I am really up for this...spreading love across the entire distance spanning the Middle East to the Caribbean. Do I have so much in me? Really? Well, it's trailing thin right about now.

I can't even have a face-to-face fight about my frustration. I can't even do it over the phone, because apart from the fact that my phone is dead and buried, it's 7:30 am where Easy Skanking Chef is, and if I know him, he went to bed at 4am and has to get up at 9 for another 16 hour day on his feet. So talking, venting, cussing, fighting, bawling, and kissing and making up are options removed.

All I can do is sit and sulk and write about it.

Sometimes I wish he was much older. Older men have the wisdom of experience to anticipate the onset of drama and have the sense to be around to face the music. No. this one is so damn oblivious. He is in his bed sleeping, dreaming nice dreams about me and him together and happy. Tschuups.

He's always so easy-going, waxing philosophical about the strength of our love whenever I go on one of my tirades. I don't want philosophy, I want vile verbal ejaculate!

I want a fight dammit! Full on roaring confrontation!

This distance sucks big fucking time.

Fucking Facebook

I am getting to despise Facebook. There is no protocol, and too many baboons are online.

I wont tell you why I am pissed.

I will say that I feel like walking straight up to a particular fat faced bitch and giving her a black eye.


Communicating through writing

It is a joy of magnanimous proportions for someone to visit my blog and say:

"Hi! Was curious to see who was actually following my blog so I got here. But now I'm just honoured! I love your blog, it's a fabulous read. You write really well. I can identify with this post so much. I'm exactly like you in this respect. In fact, I used to be painfully shy as a kid and people who know me now find that hard to believe. I do love my time with myself but I agree with you when you say "...I am too curious about life and people to be permanently withdrawn."


" 'Mostly to observe and maybe to partake, but still observing through participation.' - that could be me talking."

Eespeciallly when those two persons are writers of blogs that I myself like, and whom I have never met. The first person is the writer of the blog The Cloudclutter Chronicles, an Indian writer, based in Bombay (now Mumbai for the rest of the Non-Indian world). You need to see for yourself why I am such a fan of hers.

The second person is the UK Based author of blog Razor-Blade Life, who is amused by Jamaican expressions and idioms, and writes about her family life. I met her through another blog on which I made a comment, and she thought I was a "he" and the rest is lost in funny gender obscured history. I follow her blog too. She doenst even know that her Bolognaise and Carbonara post made me cook thin spaghetti with meatballs in a rich tomato sauce.

I also have to mention commentator Michelle Frost, Scotland-based writer of Crows Feet and brand spanking new author of First Light, who articulates so well, the struggle of being true to who you are. I follow both her personal blog and that dedicated to her new book. Michelle, I will read that book as soon as I can get it shipped to me on this Island Behind God's Back!

So I am meeting my fellow man (or woman) through blogsphere. Not a bad place for like minds to "link up." For so long this bog has been a secret shared only with close friends and family... it's good to share it now with others.

I hear that stats show that most blogs are wirtten by well-educated people who often have another source of income and happen to be men. I disagree. It could just be that I have always unknowingly had a thing for women writers (even though there is a space reserved for the Derek Walcotts and Gabriel Garcia Marquez's of the world). Women just feel more and write in a way in which you actively share that experience. So yes, I have been consumed by the profundity of good male writers, but they have never made me cry.

A woman's lot is a unique existence that only other women or their very feminine, sensitive and sometimes gay male friends can appreciate. As we say in Jamaica "Woman luck deh a dungle heap and fowl come pluck it out." It means that we have been given shit luck as women sometimes, just the remnants of things that men don't want, and on top of it, the chickens rummage through the garbage to take away what little we have been given.

That does not say that we are any lesser of the sexes, but that we have a unique burden to bear. Every woman can identify with this. The burden of nurture and nature...and sometimes, societies and families that impose one more than the other.

But we transcend cultural and parachial borders, the plural experience of womanhood. And as writers and lovers of the arts, we find common ground that dumb separatist people cannot identify with in their advanced stages of myopia.

So, thank you for coming. Thank you for sharing. My heart is full.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Small Island water shortage

I can't bathe in dirty water. I'd rather stay dirty. I think my own dirt is better for my than that coming from an almost empty cistern. Plus it smells. How can you wash in water than stinks even more than your armpits after days of manual labour in the sun?

I guess I must resort to wipes. I have lots.

At least I can flush the toilet- for now. It's been going on for weeks, this lack of city water and God knows how long it will continue. Apparently something is wrong with the government de-salination plant. Something is always wrong there. That's why many people have cisterns.

Neighbour and I share the same cistern and we have been sharing with others in the community, but maybe, it's time to stop, especially if there is no end to this madness in sight.

This is where I live. I live in a place where" incompetent, ineffective, inefficient" could be the national motto.

I am dreading having to carry buckets of water again.

Such is life on this particular small island.

The introvert vs the extrovert

The older I get, the more introverted I seem to become. Suddenly, I am back to being the only child and playing on my own. Only difference is that this time, I quite like it.

It's weird, and if you know me you will go "Huh? YOU- introvert? Impossible!

But it is.

Maybe it's because I have been isolated for 9 months but even so, I still have managed to be sufficiently withdrawn without the attendant depressive issues.

I quite like living in my head. I like doing what I want to do, when I want to do it, simple because I want to- without having to give consideration for the fellow man. You can only do that when you are without the company of the fellow man. And I have always enjoyed my own company.

It could very well be that this is just me for such a time as this. And that I will get out there eventually but I have been out there and what's waiting is not something I need to be happy on a day-to-day basis.

So maybe it's a good thing that I am with the quintessential extrovert. The one with many friends and a flair for being with them. Yes I love to travel...but mostly to observe and maybe to partake, but still observing through participation. I love the outdoors. I love sports...but more in the stands than on TV. Still, all with the common observant denominator. I love to dance and listen to music and when I do that, I am simply lost in my own world, no matter where I find myself doing it.

Or could it be that I just get bored easily? Or maybe that there is just a time for everything under the sun? Or maybe, I am just tapping into the best thing that this remote place offers- me?

I am sure that I will not become anti-social- it's not in my genes, and even if it was, childhood socialization rubbed it out. Plus I am too curious about life and people to be permanently withdrawn.

But right now, it's really nice just to be alone when I want to be alone and step out in those moments when I crave the company of community and being with the fellow man.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

SMS Jamaican Style

My Uncle Al sent this to me... Damn.. I thought I invented DWL years ago. I prefer that to LOL. Jamaicans dont LOL. We simply Dead Wid Laugh.

1. ANFMB = A no fi mi business

2. AWDY = A wah do yuh?

3. AO = Alms Ouse

4. BKYT = But kuh yuh to

5. BPT = Back Pon Top

6. BLBD = Bruck Like Bredda Dawg

7. BOAL = Buss Out A Laff

8. BOABDL = Buss Out A Big Dutty Laff

9. BWAP = But what a preckeh

10. CAS = Crack A Smile

11. CYAWO = Cut Yeye And Wheel Out

12. CECEKCMIT = Cut eye cut eye kyaan cut mi in

13. DMDPM = Duppy mussi deh pon mi

14. DWL = Dead Wid Laff

15. DWLAWUMS = Dead Wid Laff And Wet Up Mi

16. ECAC = Everyting cook an curry

17. FR = Fi Real

18. FHPN = Favya heng pon nail

19.. FLCP = fat like cut puss

20. GAL = Gimmie a link

21. HDF = How di family?

22. HHFD = Her husband fayva duppy

23. KMN = Kiss Mi Neckback

24. LIH = Lick Innu Head

25. LM = Likkle More

26.MHDU = Mi have di ukubit

27. MJM = Macca juck mi

28. MWDWY = Mi woulda deh wid yuh

29. MPD = Mad People Dem

30. MYOB = Mine Yuh Own Bizniz

31. NDMT = No draw mi tongue

32. NMMAYHN = Noh meck mi an yuh have nutten

33. NR = Nuff Respect

34. DPDGS = Deh pon di gully side

35.. SF = Say Feh

36. TWY = Tek Weh Yuself

37. WPYD = Which part yuh deh?

38. YAM = Yuh ave money?

39. WYC = Wah yuh cook?

40. YDPYO = Yuh deh pon yuh own

41. YMM = Yuh mussi mad

42. WAMU = What a man ugly

43. WASU = What a sinting uley

44. WAOU = What a ooman ugly

45. WAG = Wah a gwaan?

46. WASPPMG = What a sinting pon poor mi gyal

47. WYADWPP = Wah yuh a do wid people people

48. YGE = Yuh good eeeh?

49. YGFWMAS = Yuh gwaan fass wid mi an see

50. YSKHWWGPB = Yuh soon know how water walk gaa punkin belly

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I came, I saw, I conquered Google Analytics!

HTML and anything to do with computer coding that really looks like the nice way of typing curse words.. is not for those easily defeated. And tonight. I have proven valiant. I have conquered!

As bad as I am at math, I still can reason..and deduce logic. Which is really what math is, ironically. But I was never bad at math because I could not get it, I just had better things to do than practice till I got it right. Even more ironic is that math was my best subject in prep school.

But back to the war with HTML.

Google explains it pretty clearly. I had not completed the inclusion of the metatags when I opened the Analytics account some years ago for this blog.

Don't worry, I can't see, and have no interest in finding out your IP address of if you are secretly searching porn on the internet. I just wanted to know if anyone, other than my few dedicated commentators had found any interest in my random mumbo jumbo.

It is a personal blog. Like that isn't already painfully obvious right? And due to the nature of my current assignment, I cannot name even the country in which I work...which is why I aptly refer to it as the Island Behind God's Back. This is rather sad to me because there is so much juicy news here that I could really start an internet riot. Such is life.

Since I now recognise that I have readers from foreign-lands, I feel it necessary to highlight the fact that I can actually spell. I may have a few typos here and there-so bear with me-but I also spell British english... so "centre" is "centre" and not "center" and "harbour" is "harbour" and not "harbor." And, as a child from fertile Jamaican soil. I also write in my native language, commonly referred to as "JamaicanPatois" but having studied linguistics in university (electives), I submit that it is a language all unto itself.

So "chile" is "child".. and so is "pickney."

Most Jamaicans are actually bi-lingual, speaking both in our mother tongue and the official English language taught in school. And like any native speaker of another language, some things cannot be literally translated without losing meaning.

Having said that, mi glad fi unno company (I am glad for your company).

And since I am fast becoming HTML Queen, I hope to make this blog even more interactive and fun so that you will return.

Walk good.

Long distance relationship=purgatory

"Long distance relationship" (LDR) is the politically correct term for purgatory.

This is my definition. My chat. I'm not taking it back

Here's why:

1. You have the man (or woman)...but not really

2. As lovely as long calls are, they usually come with a longer bill. So, they best serve the phone company.

3. They also serve the airlines- whether by frequent flights if the distance is not so long, or by hefty ticket prices if you happen to live four planes away. I do.

4. Telephone calls and short visits cannot make up for actually being together. If not in the same space, at least in the same place.

5. Skype doesn't work in every country (nor other VOIP companies). Like the United Arab Emirates. Revisit #2

6. Believe it or not, you can get used to the distance. Which can make coming together long-term anything but a happy ending

7. Due to #6, you essentially lead separate lives, and join only on limited terms. Essentially, it can be a relationship between two very single people.

8. There is always the possibility, no matter how small, than on one too many cold, lonely nights, after one too many advances of some predator who has no respect for the fact that LDRs are really relationships, things can well...happen.

9. They are not for the faint-hearted, weak minded, jealous types. Neither are they for those without self-restraint.

10. The conversation can be a little repetitive. Outside of being your personal journal, recounting all the happenings in your separate single lives, just how many ways can you say "I miss you?"

11. There is no sex. And cyber sex can never replace the real thing.

12. The lack of casual physical connection and acts of endearment makes people "channel hugs." How do you really send a hug over the phone, chat applet or email?

13. Every visit, though blissful, will come to a very depressive end.

So why do I do it?

Because, purgatory is halfway between heaven and hell. So close to hell that you know the risks, but so damn close to heaven that you continue to pray to the saints to beam you up.

If, and only if the relationship is grounded and centred on seriously common ground and there is a definitive end to the separation in sight, it can work. But only with lots of dirty, hard, grimy work.

Relationships are worse than algebra anyway you take it. If however, you feel like this could be or is "it" then, it is by all means worth the wait.

Furthermore, you get to be single in a relationship! Just be sure to really define what that "single" means for BOTH of you :)

The eve of Turning 30...a TwentySomething assessment

I just realised that I wil turn 30 in August of NEXT year! I may still be 28, but that puts things in a slightly different perspective.

There are soooo many plans I had. Goals to accomplish. Of course, all before turning 30. Alas! Life intervenes. And in a damn good way, might I add.

Forget the house, the marriage and the children and the highway to financial wealth. I am happy. I am even better than happy. I have deep-seated delight and contentment in the fact that I have spent the time really working on me. And in the most fullsome way, realising me.

Some years ago I accepted the fact that marriage and children were not an expressed and guaranteed rite of passage, especially if I really cared about who I wanted marry and the circumstances in which I want to bring children into this world.

I decided too that those standards, though high, were not to be compromised. Here's why. It dawned on me that I was perfectly whole as I am... and then without a man to truly call mine, and even now in a relationship. I recognised that these were merely add-ons from the whole list of electives that one could choose in the course of life. I also became aware that there were many others to select from.

That was the beginning of my epiphany... freeing myself from the childhood expectancy of wearing white and being labeled "mother."

I then set about the pursuit of chiseling the "woman."

I believe that finding me, my voice, my purpose and my singular yet consuming personal joy was even better.

There are still goals...a life is aimless without them, but they are different.

The older I get, the more flexible I am with them, because sometimes in executing you find that they are not worth pursuing. So you adjust accordingly.

Like the rising the corporate ladder. I was leading teams from I made my producing debut at 19 for a children's TV programme. Went into the corporate world and became a PR Manager for a Trans National brand by 25. I owned my own business by 26. Moved from my country by 27.

And got my heart broken sometime between.

The things left to do are doable. The worldwide travel. Photography. Writing. Producing and Directing moving pictures (documentaries, indie films and TV programming). Getting in the best shape of my life. Climbing Blue Mountain. Getting young people to realise their own potential in their teen and early adult years. Getting my nose pierced.

These are goals that are realistic and are will in my reach of attaining.

Owning a house, getting married, having children may come. If they do, I will be content. If not, that would be because I managed to be equally content doing all the above.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

A burst of energy

This is why I love what I do.

I am high. A natural high. I get this way right before a show. Whether I am talent or producing or directing...

Show starts now...

GImme a few

As usual, the technical director slips up... leaving me with an open mic... luckily swear words are left outside the hallowed halls of studio.

I am playing "Gopala" from Jai Uttal's "Music for Yoga and other Joys."

I am even going to attempt a short meditation to the words of Khalil Gibran.

It is going to be an interesting ride.

Getting ready to go into studio

Drinking a LONG insulated mug of sweet early grey to warm up my voice.... going through my playlist... tweaking... modifying to fit my mood.

It's a cold 20 degrees outside... for those who live in temperate climes, I'll have you know that is COLD by Caribbean standards.

It's a world beat music programme that I produce and present for two hours every Tueday evening at 8. I do it free. Call it community service for this trained broadcaster. They needed the talent. I had the time and the music.

It's such a selfish act... but they dont know it. I get to play my own music every week for everyone to hear (who wants to). Some like the music. Others are keen on what they have described as a sultry voice, the kind of which never graced these airwaves on this Island Behind God's Back. I think those men are just looking another foreigner to shag.

But it does break up the monotony of evenings spent either on the computer, reading, or finding yet another scarcely palatable leftover combination to reheat.

So what will I be playing? Everything from Anouar Brahem Trio, to Jai Uttal, to Buena Vista Social Club, Jack Johnson, Norah Jones, Corrine Bailey Rae, Etta Fitzgerald, The Tempations, Dennis Brown, Marcia Griffiths, Jimmy Cliff and Bob Marley.

I am in a very quiet and contemplative mood The Temptations, Dennies, Marcia and Jimmy are added to break the monotony of slow and contemplative. As selfish as I am, I do have to think of my audience (if only for a bit).

I cant believe I have enough music in my personal collection to play in a world beat show. I think I should pat myself on my 28 year old back for being so open minded with music. But then I am open minded with most things. Even with living on an Island Behind God's Back.

But back to the music. And the show. It's an experiment really. I am trying to seduce these people to think and feel beyond their very limited and limiting borders. I am trying to make them see that others have something to offer...and as different as we are as expats on their remote little islands, we have a lot in common. If only, the music.

We will see how that turns out.

In the meantime, I will play my songs.

Monday, February 16, 2009

The camera adds five pounds-or fifteen :)

Neighbour and I went walking this evening ... more like a leisurely stroll in flip flops and house shorts. It was at dusk when the sun was dancing in the sky and it was breathtaking. We decided to do more of it... as we always do.

But seriously, I need to get my body back in order. When doing housework makes your glutes and calves sore, you've got a problem.

I was just reviewing photos of my Jamaican vacation and saw BellyOne and BellyTutu as Imelda #2 refers to them. It also doesn't help that Azikiwe refers to my arms as "big." But maybe I have more in common with Oprah than I realise. I wanted to be like her when I grew up. Be careful what you wish for

But I think PR has made me fat. No seriously.

When I was on TV, I was too vain to be out of shape. "TV is a visual medium"... and I would respect the fact that the camera was already inclined to add a few pounds. And even when I hid behind the camera as a full time producer, I had to be in shape. You have to have stamina to do location shoots and run up and down in the hot sun and still shoot all the way to midnight. But the moment I left TV...I got REALLY comfortable. PR came with a desk, late nights, and lots of late drinks and always being up and about and never having the flexibility to really do me.

I am not depressed about my body in no way shape or form. I just kind of get tired of being sedentary from time to time. I am at best, a flittlng butterfly. It's kind of impossible to be graceful much less flitting when you've got two stomachs and heave arms weighing you down. And I am tired again. I like to be fit. And fit I most certainly am not.

So while I am hanging on to being round and proud, I better take those damn walks daily before I turn into a really sad woman who cant understand why everybody gawks when she goes to buy ice cream.

I'll add some yoga and pilates for peace of mind and gracefulness even in the midst of sheer loveable roundness.

Tally Hawk!!!!!!

This is why I meticulously cut my nails. Are you cringing yet?

Screenwriters' Workshop

My good friend, Tanya Davies is putting on workshop with another gifted writer, Amba Chevannes on Screenwiriting. Click on the photo for an enlarged view of the poster.

Early bird with lots of worms to find

I woke up early this morning. Got up at 6. Woke up while it was still night but forced myself back to sleep until dawn. Went to bed at 11 and did a fair bit of tossing until slumber arrived. It wasn't peaceful slumber either...but it was somewhat amusing.

I figured it would not have been an easy task sleeping with a steam cap on my head. I had given my locks a cactus hot oil treatment and it was too late to wash it when I finished watching the movie last night at 9:30. Of course I was so consumed, that I totally forgot that I needed to wash my hair before it got late.

Furthermore, I have no hot water (it broke down in December and I am trying to be frugal because electricity is extremely expensive on this Island Behind God's Back). And it's cold. It gets cold the moment the sun sets and temperatures lower consistently until it rises.

So I decided to go to bed early, the mission to wake up early and wash my hair, hang out the laundry, and finish some of the housework that I ambitiously set out to do yesterday. I have no dryer in this fully furnished apartment. I also had to chose between a TV set and a microwave, only to realise that I was getting an even older Daewoo tv than I had back home. Heating up left overs is a pain of magnanimous proportions and has to be done on a huge electric stove. You see why I haven't got the heater fixed?

The truth is that every small goal becomes one of many parts. And so simple things require complex systems to execute. Such is the nature of the culture here. So I do what I can...

Yes I could spend hundreds of USD to buy a microwave and save on re-heating food so that I can have hot water in this cold Caribbean winter. But my logic is clearly thwarted. Plus I have no intention to acquire more things to scramble to sell when I leave here in a few months.

Neighbour is up doing her dishes. Dont ask me how I sleep through all this every other morning.

I have a long day at work today... and I will try my best possible not to make it painful.
[Enter lowered expectations who progresses to centre stage]

Today robins will continue to sing.

Light's... action!

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Cinema Paradiso

I just watched Giuseppe Tornatore's Nuovo Cinema Paradiso again. Couldn't help myself from weeping. It is a beautiful film. Well shot, well cut and a great story. It also doesn't in with a fairy tale hollywood finale which gives it artistic merit, and at the same, makes you wish things had turned out differently. But as in life, you can't have your cake and eat. I suppose this is the classic case of art imitating life, if you can find Alberto's character realistic. I have the DVD with an additional 52 mins or the original director's cut.

I am so moved by it that I am pasting the wikipedia link for further details.

I dont mind subtitles for a good film. The only thing I am mindful of is the limitation of languages and as a result, some things get lost in translation.

I will watch a good film in any language... because good stories that are well executed transcend borders.

But watching that at this time of the night in a place like this does come with repercussions.

Beholding anything profound in a place like this comes with repercussions. I have nothing but my thoughts, which are now wrapped up in this brilliant masterpiece. It's the same when I read a good book. I have to be quiet for a while... as the whole experience washes over my consciousness. The bullet theory in mass communication may have long been disproved, but subliminal seduction stays in tact. I am perennially seduced by art that moves me.

It is a great movie... and it deserved every award it got!
, gui

Yes Rasta!

Another of my photos makes the draw. Wanna vote?

The Naked Truth

My photo makes its way to JPG online mag. This my dear is the Easy Skanking Chef. Shot taken candidly from a Nikon point and shoot when he stretches after hours of reading. What do you think? (of the photo, not him).

Guinness Drinking Girl

I love Guinness. That makes me 'a Guinness-drinking-girl.' But in Jamaica, there are connotations associated with the title. Apparently women who drink the dark stout are supposed to be let's say, ahem, more 'athletic' in the bedroom, capable of sustained high intensity cardio over long periods and with great frequency...This is similar to "white liver" but even more intense.

I no sure 'bout all that. Right here now, I am still in a long distance relationship. And all I can say is that Guinness, or no blouse-and-skirt-Guiness, I can attest to the fact that it is indeed possible to be celibate. So much so that you find yourself squishing up your face when you think about sex. Like "how that work again?"

It's an acquired taste (it being both Guinness and celibacy in a long distance relationship)...which is the case with most things good.

I wish I had one right now (Guinness).

A cold one (after all, what else would I want cold?).

Customizing blogs for dummies

That ought to be the name of a book. Funny thing is that I dont believe that books can help dummies. If so, they wouldn't be dumb in the first place.

But fiddling and tinkering will make a Steve Jobs out of the simplest nerd...or so we hope. As you can see... I am making some headway.

You now have the ability to share any post on your facebook, delicous, twitter... and all the damn social networking sites that I am too old to keep up with. Can you believe that my brother mentioned "facebook" for the first time to me in 2007? Well I had gotten loads of invitations but I was already on Hi5 so I had no interest in joining yet another social networking site...especially since Hi5 had descended into the pit of a desperate sleazy hell.

But...I digress. I do that a lot. My mind just needs a smidgen to get going on a tangent. Always has been this way. Here I go again.

I dont have a techy boyfriend to hide behind anymore so I damn well have to figure out crap on my own... its kinda fun to solve these seemingly big puzzles, until you realise that it was just another useless task, contributing nothing to the fight against world hunger.

But I think that the bugs I have been having with Analytics has something to do with Firefox... will explore.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Will my blog readers please stand up?

I know I have readers. But where are you? Why aren't you making comments? Am I boring the __ out of you?

I made changes, added some interactive tools, but hardly anyone is interacting with them.

There's a poll guys... and for those who would rather not write comments at the end of every post, there is a quick tick comment (funny, interesting, cool). All you have to do is click on whichever suits you and voila! At least I would have some insight as to how many are here.

And if you have stumbled upon this blog, welcome. I hope I grab your interest.

I have changed the name of the blog... to reflect a bit more accurately what it is about. Dog nyam mi supper when I turn 30. But that is another year and a half away. But what do YOU think of the changes and graphics and stuff?

I know it is a monologue... but usually, in the audience, you have your ways of reacting. Why dont you whisper out loud with a comment? And applaud or "boo" with the poll? Give me your seal of approval by signing up in the Fan Base section as a Follower. No, I am neither Jesus nor Ghandi, but at least I could cultiviate a cult following.

I neeeeeeed to hear back from you.

I have made comments open (as they have always been) to persons to post anonymously. You dont even have to have a blogger account.

Any actor on stage gets very frightened if she hears a single pair of hands applauding and not even sigh from the rest of the darkened audience. Does that mean there is only one out there?

Fiddling with technology

I installed Google Analytics over a year ago on my blog to capture how many visitors I had coming to this blog. It has never worked. According to the reports, no one has been reading my blog. I know that this is not true.

I have tinkered, adjusted, pasted the tracking code in what I believe to be the correct place in the html, and still, nothing.

I am clueless. Yes I have troubleshooted and gone through. I know something is wrong but I cant figure out what.

What sucks is that I have lost out on a significant bit of useful statistics in the meantime...

But you are reading right?

This brings me to my my next post.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Totally bizarre...and that's why it's funny

Thursday, February 12, 2009

The return of the night owl

My nocturnal habits have returned. So I guess I am back in my natural bio rhythm. The owl has returned and she competes fiercely with early to bed, early to rise.

This also means than any residue from depressive withdrawal has been completely vanquished. No more pining over being isolated and confined on this Island Behind God's back.

I need 8 hours of sleep to be fully functional... unless I have a quick dose of coffee or other uppers in the morning.

I watched Lawrence of Arabia again last night. It's amazing just how much knowledge I have gained since my first viewing... and how that background info puts into perspective this beautifully executed film.

And that is why I will continue to read. I am almost out of books now... so I will take anything I can get. Maybe it is time to visit the public library after all. A friend tells me I will be very disappointed. But still says I should see for myself. I will.

Failing that, I may have to begin buying second hand off Amazon.

I also need to increase my collection of film classics. I find it so funny that now that we dont have TV (cable is still down from the September 6 hurricane) people are exchanging DVDs. When they see or hear or my collection, they grimace and resort to watching nothing at all. If these films inspire me, does that mean that my work will also be so unappreciated? Hmmn... but this is indeed a very small island.

I am happy today. I am happy everyday. My life is filled with meaning day to day. I live in the moment. And you know what, they are stringing along pretty nicely!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Tommorrow Robins Will Sing


Now where do I start to make the point that I'll be making
To most efficiently use your time that I'll be taking
With the clear understanding that every ticking second is precious to us all
But if you let me bend your ear and listen up you will hear
Not just what I say, but every word that I am saying

You wake in the morning from a dream with spirits dope hype
Though you real life condition is far from being alright
Your love has wronged you, your money's gone, you've lost your home and everything you own
But before you do something major extreme
I've got one simple thing for you to take along with you, as you go on your lonely way

Tomorrow robins will sing, tomorrow robins will sing
It really is no big thing, cause tomorrow robins will sing
Tomorrow blue jays will fly, the weather forecasts clear skies
So dry those tears from your eyes, cause tomorrow blue jays will fly

You borrow a dime to call up a friend that you could rely on
They put the phone down, you hear in the background "tell him I'm not home"
Your face is broken, your throat is chokin, you hang up the phone in disbelief
And to make matters worse
You can remember you were the first and only one to come to him when lonely was his everyday

But if what you did came from your heart and not expecting
Then you should not waste one heart beat on any regretting
The saying's older than old yet true for today as when it was made to be told
As you saw so shall you reap
And if you've treated life sweet
Your blessing's been ordained and already on its way

Tomorrow robins will sing, tomorrow robins will sing
It really is no big thing, cause tomorrow robins will sing
Tomorrow blue jays will fly, the weather forecasts clear skies
So dry those tears from your eyes, cause tomorrow blue jays will fly

Today is the tomorrow you were so worried about
Looking over your yesterday
The clouds are gone and the sun is out
And everything has worked out irie okay

Tomorrow robins will sing, tomorrow robins will sing
It really is no big thing, cause tomorrow robins will sing
Tomorrow blue jays will fly, the weather forecasts clear skies
So dry those tears from your eyes, cause tomorrow blue jays will fly
Tomorrow robins will sing, tomorrow robins will sing
It really is no big thing, cause tomorrow robins will sing.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

So many damn ideas!

I have sooo many ideas! And it seems as if since I've stopped talking on the phone, they have just been coming at me left right and centre!

It's interesting, either that or madness.

But hey...what's a little more madness in this world?

A plea for motion and wide open spaces

I want to jump on a plane. I just want to see something different. Even a car or a boat. I just want to be moving for longer than 15 minutes without going around in circles.

I know I am going to go soon enough (if you can classify 7 months as such)... just feeling a little claustrophobic and stagnant today. I feel like wide open spaces and lots of motion today.

[after a long break]

I went on a journey in cyberspace... looking at all kinds of things that interest me. It's funny but I seem to be learning more about Jamaica since I left.

I want to visit the National Gallery when I go back home.

I miss dance classes at Edna Manley School of the Visual Arts. I think that as long as I live in Kingston, or have access and time to it, my life will be filled with wonderful artistic classes, whose aim is not to pass any exam but to find self expression.

I believe there is something wrong with the education system. It teaches everybody the same thing over and over. Maybe I should have gone to Art School instead of CARIMAC, but CARIMAC was a hybrid, of sorts. Still not enough creativity there though.

Anyway... I am taking a musical journey on my world beat show tonight. I look forward to that. This time, I will ensure that the live streaming actually works ahead of the show. My bad for thinking that it ought have been so without my prodding...especially since I don't work there and don't even get paid. But it's my show I care about, and my international listeners, who give me so much love and support. Word on the ground is that locals and expatriates are listening and liking. Hmmn... not bad after all.

Monday, February 09, 2009

The bite of the shutter bug

I took my very first photo on a Canon pro SLR when I was eight years old. It was my Daddy's. I eventually got that camera when I was 19, but I am missing out a whole lot in between.

I was practical born before a camera. Even when his university student budget limited him from buying and processing film, my father seemed to have shot endless rolls of my childhood, chronicling my early years.

He also taught my mother a bit about photography, which resulted in interesting father daughter pics.

We were a twosome my Daddy and me. And he was my first love. His beloved camera was my second. I wanted to be like him when I grew up.

Then I got my first camera when I was nine. My very own. I still have a roll of 24 film from then that I came across some time ago. I had been bitten. There was to be no cure.

I opted to study still photography formally with Carl Dawson at CPTC while doing summer jobs as a Production Assistant for "Hill and Gully Ride" and "Entertainment Report", two of the longest running, prime time, home grown television shows in Jamaica. They are stilll running, and still maintain their prime spots- but that is an aside. I learned all the rules, composition, framing, exposure, lighting, dept of field, looking room, dark room processing and printing. Back then, I was 16.

The semester following, I took an elective and Excelsior Community College in black and white photography, delving into the realm of portraiture, photojournalism and still life for the very first time.

I went to UWI Mona at 18 and joined the Black and White Photography Club... I thought them a little too bourgeoisie for my tastes but kept going. Time Life magazine and B & W were my close allies.

I never exhibited in their annual shows. I came close. So close. I became friends with one of Jamaica's top artistic photographers, Louis Davis, and he took me to Hope Pastures and we spent the whole day shooting a roll of 36, macro filters, lens changes and all, only to realise that there was a kink in the film and the 36 exposures turn out to be on one frame. It was my camera. It was his fancy lenses and light metres filters. I was distressed.

The cameras got too old and I found mysef a broke student and since then, I have been patiently awaiting to enter the arena of professional digital photography. You see, I knew from a long time ago that the dark room chemicals were not for me. I have not really delved into that realm of photography since. Until...maybe not exactly now...but so damn soon as I can taste it.

NYU Film School

I need to do a lil something...spice up a bit...So I am going to darken my bleached locks by month end. I am too broke to do anything before then anyway.

I just watched Mira Nair's "Monsoon Wedding" again, twice. I watched the feature than watched it again while I listened to Mira's commentary. I am the only person I know who is just as interested in the Director's commentary as the film itself.

I have always known there is at least a documentary and a feature film in me. My, my life can never be boring! I have so many dreams to turn into realities.

That is why I am giving myself a head start. Lots to do with only God knows how much time I have left.

I have always wanted to go to NYU Film School.. but cannot afford and I look on people like Quentin Tarrantino and think 'fuck film school!' I would have gone, but I didnt have the resources to spend 40,000 USD per annum for a 3-year full time MFA. That cost does not inclue accommodation, books and food either.

So I will learn as Quentin did, watching those I like and paying attention to those who inspire. My photography is just a part of the very connected whole.

Long before I got into show business, I longed to be a Directory of Photograpy for feature films. When others would watch out for ox office hits, I would watch out for the mastery of the frame and all things in it. Then I discovered the art of making moving images and eventually shifted to directing. But even in moving pictures, it all begins with a frame...get 30per second and you are moving!

I want to get me some meaningful movies, I have some of the classics. I am beginning to develop an appreciation for things many people my age consider archaic (well... I was always that way). But I am actually now interested in Western classics and foreign films and good indie features.

I also need to get some documentary features.

So too am I interested in reading things that make my spirit and creativity soar.

I may not be able to be an NYU alum, but this gal has a helluva lot of stories to tell. But you know the singularly most beautiful and uplifting thing about it? At 28 years old, I have finally found my voice!

Bigger and better fish to fry

Rootical says:
Hi Coousin

Sheer Almshouse says:
hey hon

Rootical says:
What's up?

Sheer Almshouse says:
Nothing much mi dear chile
I have finally decided on a camera and the related accessories

Rootical says:
oh finally

Sheer Almshouse says:
and i sooooooooo happy about it chile

Rootical says:
you always knew what you wanted in a camera

Sheer Almshouse says:
I even dreamt last night that I was taking pics of people in church!
i know

Rootical says:
he he he he he he he he
Amen sister

Sheer Almshouse says:
and i have been following the specs for years
and because I have waited this long, I am going to get an even better deal than if I had bought one back in 2007 with the money that I eventually had to use for replacing the mac
and it is actually TWO models up
and fantastic!

Rootical says:
oh wonderful
So it's the Nikon SLR?

Sheer Almshouse says:

Rootical says:
mi dear, I know how you feel
It's good to hear you this happy

Sheer Almshouse says:
but instead of a D200, I am getting a D700

Rootical says:
I know that a camera might seem insignificant to some
but I know how long you've wanted this

Sheer Almshouse says:
and I am also going to get a video camera
later on and by the time I leave here, I should have me a mini production studio (2 pro broadcast video cameras, a FULLY suited MacBook PRO with editing software and photo editing software, and my pro digital camera.

So I will be able to produce my programmes at a much lower cost and will be a mobile production house

Rootical says:
Yippie Yay SA!

Sheer Almshouse says:
and will also be able to do fine art photography, photojournalism, and some commercial photography work. I have been hell bent on making this appointment meaningful to ME.

BTW this means that I am not moving to Dubai (at least until I finished the contract next May).

Rootical says:
SA it has already been meaningful

Sheer Almshouse says:
and that I am finishing the contract

Rootical says:
you have paid off your debts in less than a year
That is something to celebrate

Sheer Almshouse says:
Easy Skanking Chef is very supportive...says he will wait..He wants me to be happy and that he has always admired that I did my own thing. Actually, I dont think i had the elation that I expected from paying off the debts

Rootical says:
I would be in ecstasy!
So does this mean tat you guys will not be getting [together] this year? Or does it mean that he will be moving to Island Behind God's Back? I'm confused!

Sheer Almshouse says:
No. It means that we both stay put. I told him that I would not be ready for [togetherness] before December. I just decided to do ME instead of focusing on "us." There are some good things about being here; chief of which is my first REAL taste of financial freedom and being able to do the things I really wanted to do all along

So I am not meeting him in Jamaica in March because I am spending my money on my still camera. He offered to see if he could find extra money to come across from Jamaica. I will visit him in September-Nov for a month. It is going to be hard on us, but right now, we just haffi tough it out. But as I told him, I will tell you: I FULLY reserve the right to walk away from this at any time if I am too frustrated!!! (but that's not the plan. And I also told him that I refuse to come and live with him ANYWHERE without us being married... and neither of us is rushing that just yet. I can stay for a few months on VISIT.. but not to move in...the last time I did that it ended real nastily. I have decided not to panic. If I lose my job, I will move home to Jamaica.

I emailed you the camera & accessory wishlist. TEN YEARS I have waited!

Rootical says:
I love you so much right now, You have no idea!

Sheer Almshouse says:

Rootical says:
dont worry
i know why
i think you made the best decision

Sheer Almshouse says:
Yeah me too...I have GROWN. Finally figured out how to maintain ME in a relationship

Rootical says:

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Ohh..So Sexy..Nikon D700

Look at the baby.

Isn't he sexy?

I'ma get me that baby...






I am having goose pimples right now, and I cant tell you of the physiological changes my body is going through in sheer anticipation that I have finally met my match.

I am aroused.


You just wait till I get my hands on him! Murder!!!!!!!!

Step up inna life

Mi dear chile, after having my VW Polo for 5 months, I finally serviced it (it is an 8yo second hand Japanese import). I also got it washed AND the licence plate "affixed properly" according to the police who had pulled me over two days ago.

So I am banging. The car looks new, except for some burning out on top caused by sand and saltiness since it arrived. I met an American woman who happens to drive the same exact car with the same rare blue/purple colour on Sunday while I was liming with my newly found Irish drinking buddies. She just came over to me and introduced herself and said she was going to repaint hers and if I had any scratch at all, that she would be happy to share the paint with me. So, I may spray over the same top in a bid to preserve my resale value. After all, it was an investment, having bought it for a fraction of the price that locals here could have. Even with depreciation, I look to make a profit. It would suit me then to at least keep it clean huh?

I havent even named her yet. It is so weird... I had Spleng Donna, then Champion Bubbla, but now I am quite blank as to what to name a little blue/purple car. She's a girl for sure. Hmmmn. She looks like a Sue or Betsy...but no..too common. Aha! "Cutie" Perfect!

So now, five months later, not only has she got a thorough servicing and washing, buy my darling ride has got a name!

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Getting there...

My radio programme went very well last night. I guess it helps to run through the entire playlist. The only thing is that I talked little in comparison to my debut show. But I was more comfortable. I didn't have the massive attack of opening jitters, though my heart was racing... it was just a flush of energy that I managed to convert to positive vibes.

I am missing Easy Skanking Chef less as I get involved in creating my own life experiences during this time of separation. I am trying to make my existence meaningful even though I have to be pulling tricks out a hat to do so.

My Blackberry has died a sudden death on me.

I haven't backedup and I fear losing close to 1000 contacts. I believe there has to be a way to some back up from the software so I am going to look for the CD install it on my mac later this evening. Yes, this is close to two years after I got the damn phone in the first place :).

I know better. I even learnt to back up contacts in Media School. My professor warned us to painstakingly keep several copies of contact info in several places because once lost, some can never be replaced. It has taken me years to amass these contacts, and while I have some in my rolodex, I haven't updated my rolodex in two years because well.. I have a BlackBerry that's why!

So now, I have no means of communication, and I refuse to spend on another phone for a few reasons:

1... having taken 3/4 advance on January's salary prior to my Jamaican trip in December, I am broke.

2. Even if I had the money, I would feel very hard pressed to spend it on a phone. My company has distributed BlackBerry phones to people who dont even SMS much less read or send email, and refuse to give me, the person responsible for the public relations of the entire government, one. So, if they want me, they will just have to wait until they see me...or send me an email and I will respond when I get back into office eventually.

3. I am really trying to save up for a digital SLR pro camera. Right now, this is even more important than making that trip to Jamaica to meet up with Easy Skanking Chef. I'm doing me first. And this is personal gratification denied for long enough. Seeing him for a little over a week will do nothing to really boost our relationship. It's like touch and go. And plus going to Jamaica is likely to cost me as much as the entire cost of the camera. Hmmmn... that is the first time I ever thought of it.. but it's true. I have to find ways of making my life more meaningful as it is. When he goes his way, and I return here, I will be broke and bored yet again. So that's it then... no trip to Jamaica in March for me. Of course, ESC does not know this yet because I have only just made up my mind... but even he would offer to pay my ticket, I would rather have the cash. If he wants to see me in March, he will have to find his way here.

4. I don buy phones. I have always got them. I think I may have bought two phones ever... and only one with my money. The BlackBerry was a company expense (and an expense it was!) but it was necessary for me being the CEO and only full-time employee of a communication firm. Even my cordless home phone was a gift. You wanna talk to me? Buy me a phone.

5. I cant afford a BlackBerry and once you go Black, you cant go back. I am a ditz with other phones. And to be honest, I would rather do without. If that makes me a cell phone snob then so be it.

There are a few reasons why I want the camera so bad. I have been having serious pangs to return to artistic photography for years and I cant put it off any longer. I am finally going to be in a position where I dont owe student loans etc... so I can. And I plan to travel quite a bit this year and I want to have my tool with me to capture the experiences.

Where am I planning to go?
1. Trinidad for Taco Bell's wedding (my sorority sister and friend) in September
2. Dubai for the month of Ramadan (which is right after Taco's wedding and likely to be the same trip
3. New York (on some cheap ticket to pick up my camera and see my family)
4. Jamaica for Christmas and New Year's.

I am going to be selfish this year. I am putting me and my best interests at heart. There is much that ESC has to get together to prove to me that he is ready for the long haul. But the relationship is still young, and I believe that we both could benefit individually from continued separation. As for the relationship, it may be a heavy and burdensome load... but the thing is that we both have to stand firmly on our own footing before we are ready for all this togetherness bit.

I dont want to compromise my last hurrah before my life becomes filled with plural personal pronouns.

I have been looking for a job in Dubai, but I honestly don't think I am ready. If, for any reason, I lose my job, then I may go and spend some months there with him on vacation, but I don't want to move into his place permanently until we are married. If I can get a job there and have my own independence, fine but otherwise, I will always feel as if I have invaded his space... and I don't want that.

As far as money is concerned, I have learnt to think of my spending in very practical ways: Will it enhance my life experience significantly? Can I afford it? Can I REAALLY afford it?

I also want to upgrade my Mac to a MacBook Pro but that will have to come much later, especially with all the traveling.

At this point, the only thing that is set in stone is that come hell or high water, I am going to buy me a camera I want. Everything else is subject to change.

Monday, February 02, 2009

Nothing to do in paradise

I left work early today. Couldnt help it. I was doing nothing. I was bored and lacked stimulation. Came home early to intensify the job search and wash and groom my locks, may maybe even tidy house.
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