Finding balance; the Daily Om

Earthbound
The Pursuit of Conscious Wholeness

Striking the right balance between our physical and spiritual aspects is oneof the most challenging aspects of existence. We are dual beings by nature,spiritual entities bound to earth by physical bodies. In our lifetimes, we are charged with the duty of nurturing and tending both with equal devotion and love. Yet while both aspects of the self are deserving of honor and respect, there is a tendency for people who are more spiritually focused to ignore, avoid, or dismiss their bodies. Similarly, many individuals are entirely ensconced in the carnal realm and pay no attention to the needs of the soul. In both cases, an adjustment is in order. We are whole only to the degree that we embrace both sides of our beings.

If the soul is the inward manifestation of our consciousness, the body is the living, breathing expression of that consciousness. The physical self provides the home in which the spiritual self takes root and flourishes. Just as we must tend to the seed of the soul to ensure that it grows strong, so, too, must we care for the protective shell that is the body to make certain it is capable of playing its role in our development. Though there will no doubt be times in our lives when we feel more comfortable focusing on the spiritual self or the physical self, denying the fundamental importance of one or the other can lead to ill health, emotional distress, and a sense of incompleteness. Both facets of the human experience play a vital role in our well-being.

The body and the soul are the yin and yang of our current reality. They are, at this point of human evolution, irreparably bound together, and many spiritual teachers agree that the body is one of the greatest vehicles through which to access the soul. In fact, many believe that our spirit has chosen to be embodied as an essential part of our spiritual development.

Consequently, it is the responsibility of each person on the planet to forge a marriage between the two, so that these disparate aspects bring out the best in each other, creating a vibrant, dynamic, and workable whole.

Happy Birthday ESC

I am an unconventional woman, so I do unconventional things. For his BDay, I bought ESC a URL. He was deeply moved. It was a testimony to the fact that I believe in him and his career aspirations. It couldn't have come at a better time he said... he faced some drama at work yesterday and it was good to come home to such love and support.

I dolled up too... I thought... "What would Marilyn do?"

Remember that racy outfit I bought as a STEAL on sale? Yes hon, that same hot number.

Heels and fishnets to boot. And the shoes. God bless my sprained toe. And the right makeup and fragrance.

He cooked me the best salmon I have ever had (crispy on the outside and melting on the inside).

I needed a strong shot to come out of the bathroom in that getup so he poured me one.

I came out and sang a la marilyn...

We ate.

I put on Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass' "Love Potion #9 and did a dance... and removed my robe.

We hugged. And kissed.

He did some work at the desk. I helped him (Imelda would be happy to hear that her dawta suggesting soup recipe for upso stayso restaurant).

He showered.

We hugged. We prayed. He said "Thank You a million times.

We went to sleep.


PS>>>>>ESC is a bigger man than me. As tempted as he was (and beliiiiiiiiiiiiieve me he was), he was very faithful to the chastity. But there was actual something sweet (though mildly frustrating about getting so dolled up and then retreating to bed with just tight hugs)... If ever I doubted just how spiritual and respectful this man was, I can't now. Today is the actual BDay but since he comes in after midnight, we had to celibrate it at the beginning, rather than at the end.

His steadfast love never ceases

Whenever I meet upon grace on my path, I can't help but be humbled. When I encounter acts of mercy, I recognise just how blessed I am. I no longer just get ecstatic, but I also go to a place where I am just thankful that God manages to listen to and answer the prayers of little insignificant me.

Not every answer comes the way I want them, but I know that He ultimately knows best.

I do still find incredible order in my life and the fact that one thing seems to lead to another. All things are connected. There is such purpose on my life that I really ought to spend my time sharing my light with the world.

I have no business being sad and depressed and unhappy for extended periods. God is in control and His grace is truly sufficient.

I am loved. I mean REALLY loved. There are many people who would really hurt for years to come if I were to leave this earth too soon. There are lives that I have made a good impact on in my short 28 years. There are lovers past and one present who have loved me for long and will always do so. There are people who hurt when I hurt, who share my joys and sorrows, who get mad with me when I do something stupid, and who will take care of me if I am no longer in a position to do so myself. There are people who are involved in my life, whose lives intertwine with mine, and mine with theirs, and who feel that my presence in their lives adds to their happiness.

That is so big. So huge. So absolutely phenomenal. So powerful. And not in a pompous way... but to the contrary, so humbling. I am big, yet small, and small yet big.And you know the secret of this life? I am no different from you. We all are.

If somebody had told me all that would have happened in my life over this decade by some clairvouyant intuition, I would have not even been able to comprehend it all. I am happy that I have had to find my own way, and go through my own growing pains one day at a time.

I did the right thing in coming here. I am doing the right thing in leaving now. Life does not abide only by things on paper. Sometimes, it is good to know what voice to listen to.

Be in tuned.

Self-confrontation

There is a lot that I have not said over the past month (after all, a month ago today I arrived in my Jamaica and forgot everything about blogsphere). But writing for me has become a part of my existence, and while I can put it off for more pressing commitments, I must get back to it for personal release.

I miss the words. The sound of the keys as I strike them in unconsious and semi-conscious dexterity... expressing not only what I know to be so, but also what I didn't even realise was true.

This is my most honest space, so much so that I would rather not say anything than fluff over what is real. And this is why it is anonymous. My identity is only revealed to a select few, even though this blog is published publicly.

I am not sure I know what exactly I feel like blogging about. I dont feel like talking about the experience in Jamaica, though it was a spiritually and "moodically" uplifting one.

I think I am in a very strange phase... I am trying to tap into some deep level personal growth during a time of abject loneliness and isolation.

I think more than ever (if ever that was possible)... but I am left to my thoughts quite a bit so I have no choice. I am reading like I did when I was studying literature, only this time I get to make my own required reading list. I write more than ever... and I think even my photography expresses more than ever.

I am also dreaming more and my deja vu has even returned! I am getting closer to the real me.

I guess what I have been trying to do then is to dig channels within and without to connect more meaningfully to myself and the world with which I relate.

Life is for living... and living is a choice.

Even though I have been presented with a wonderful opportunity to share my life in a relationship with one whom I call "friend" in addition to "partner", I feel also a distinct desire to maintain my separateness even in our collectiveness.

I guess this is the essence of my current struggle. It has been a while since I have had any relationship and even longer since I embraced a healthy one. I know that my responsibilty lies to myself in ensuring that it remains healthy and in addition, allows both of us to reach greater heights of spritual growth.

I have been learning about myself, and understanding myself more deeply, questioning my motivations and my relations with the external. As a result, I am slowly, finding my footing and getting closer to my own truth.

I think, for the very first time, I can really honestly say that I have become a woman. It's kinda strange... I know... but neither natural nor societal law dictate when one truly steps into adulthood. I have acted like an adult for a long time, and firstborns ususally grow up fast. In the process, I lost a significant part of my childhood and had to retrace the steps to catch up.

I no longer want to be more than I am. I no longer want to be older than I am. I am happy to be as I am, knowing that my growth with continue as my life experiences allow.

I have my human struggles and almost daily I fight a valiant war against the depressiveness of this isolated existence, and I slowly find peace in the midst of lonleliness.

I am not lonely because I am unloved. To the contrary, I am lonely because I am very loved, and miss the free two-way expression of this love with my biological and spiritual families and friends. But I am learning to embrace this loneliness, not as evil, but good.

It is the vehicle for which I can explore the depths of who I truly am and what I truly want out of this life.

Call it a spritual hermitage if you wish, and me a student of life.