Celebrating me

"Belting Out" (C) 2011. All Rights Reserved.

This is the year I come into my own. I wrote that on facebook and while my goodly friends got it, one didn't. She welcomed me to a club she had joined years ago. Good for her.

"Coming into my own" is a present continuous declaration that I will continue to rise to the challenges of life, take on the battles, humble myself with the pruning, and rise to higher heights. It isn't a place you "reach" and find a nice shady parking spot. It is an ongoing evolution.

I am celebrating the fact that I know that this "Coming into my own" business is a day-to-day call to rise up and meet come whatever may with gusto. I am as I am. Present.

I am not focussed on the past neither am I on the future. I am plucking away present continuously with every breath with anectdotal inference from the past and faithful anticpation for a future built in a city of no regret.

I find that I making peace with circumstances which seemed to great to tackle. I am re-connecting with my loved ones from whom separation got the better of me. I am even beginning to accept that "It is what it is" and all that comes with "it."

I am finally seeing that I am not an accidental photographer, writer, filmmaker, broadcaster, marketing guru, creative. I am really beginning to own it. It's as if just giving myself permission to be is opening me up to a mirror through my work.

I may not have a "job" but I have "work." My work is to practice and hone my talent and to ensure that the gifts I have been given are shared with those with whom they were meant for. I wrote once that "My talents have been gifted to sustain." That still rings true. The seeds I sew with my creativity will bring a bountiful harvest, not only for me, but also for all who partake.

I am something big. I am something special. I am a lifeforce of promise, energy, love, light and joy. I say this not with pomp and pageantry, but with the reverence of a spirit who has acquiesced that she is made in the image and likeness of God. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I give praise to my creator by accepting that His creation of me is perfect. I am not perfect, but I strive for perfection. That means even though I recognise that I will always fall short, I will continue to work on being better.

"Arriving" is the antithesis of growth. It means you have plateaued and will eventually regress. Dormancy is death and degeneration.

So, today, I celebrate what is. I cherish this moment. I am alive and well and it is well with my soul.

This reminds me of my late Aunt's favourite hymn:

"When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, Though has taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul."

I give rise to me.

For Auld Langsine...

"I feel like dancing. Dance 'cause we are free..."

Taken the day after our wedding, one year and one month ago today. Photo credits: Easy Skanking Chef

A photo for today...

http://www.jpgmag.com/photos/2196433

Their Eyes Were Watching Allah - The Grand Mosque, Abu Dhabi, UAE

This set was taken a couple of months ago. I am uploading them for you and as a reminder to me that this journey has been most sacred in so many, many ways. Sometimes blessings like destiny, travel in a circle. That's me in an Abaya and those or my feet on the largest Persian rug ever made.

Shhh... don't talk...

(Pic deleted at a later date)

This is my fave shot of the photo shoot. I am not keeping up this pic permanently. Client hasn't picked up CD but I have emailed this pic already. So for those of you who recognize the persons in this pic....shhhhhhhhh please don't mention it to them. Once the CD has been handed over and reviews are good, I will ask for permission to use in my portfolio. Otherwise... this is just a sneak preview because you know the photographer personally.

Beef Soup for Cloudcutter

There it is... tonight's pumpkin beef soup. The white thing is boiled dumplings and there is of course lots of pumpkin, beef, potatoes, carrots, thyme and pimento.

I guess I am killing two birds with one stone: cooking meals and practicing my food photography.

Tuesday's child

Today is Pumpkin Beef Soup Day in my kitchen. It takes forever for the beef stew to cook but it is such a lovely meal. I am feeling kinda soupy these days, can you tell?

Today's Green Juice

Romaine Lettuce
Celery
Pak Choi
Parsley
Carrot

Back in front of the camera

A Trini guy (Trinidadian) is putting on a weekly Caribbean theme night at a night club here and he has asked me to do some promotional interviews for him for use on facebook and his website when it launches. So tonight I will be heading there to help him. I am doing it pro bono, but at least it gives me a chance to practice. Haven't been on camera in a while and I miss it. I find that even if I take long breaks, the momet the camera starts rolling, I am back into character.

Full Circle

I have actually reviewed my approach to getting work and have decided that I will only target jobs that really interest me and not just vacancies I am competent at filling. Therefore, for the most part, I am targeting broadcast production and presentation gigs. I am best suited in a creative environment in which I have an outlet for creative expression and meet with like minds who speak the same language.

Media credits and photography are not as hard to reuse in different markets and I enjoy them.

Johnny Cakes (Jamaican Fried Dumplings)

I made these as requested by the hostess for a Jamaican brunch last weekend in Sharjah. She is a fantabulous cook, but admitted that her fried dumplings were not the best. Having earned high marks from ESC for mine repeatedly, I agreed to do them for the brunch. Mine are light, flaky and delicious. I use Imelda's recipe. This was the first time I made so many. All of 1 kg flour. I don't cook according to recip so I just estimate things. Smartly, I decided to do two different batches instead of making a big one that flopped. Not one was left. That little missing piece was broken off by someone on the way to the table.

Seafood Pasta in Cream Sauce a La ESC

This is a shrimp and mussel dish that my hubby cooked up for me. The delights of having my very own personal chef! I call him my short order cook (to his chagrin) because he is very compliant and can cook elaborately in a jiffy. I love pasta and his experience working in an Italian restaurant is quite handy. I know Italians eat much more than pasta, but usually, I just ask for pasta too keep things a little simple. He says he will make Ravioli from scratch for me one day.

The sauce was made iwth heavy cream, piccorino romano and parsley added at the end. Shrimp and mussels we sauteed in EVOO and onions and garlic first.

Escoveitch Sprat

Think of a ceviche with onions, carrots, hot Jamaican scotch bonnet peppers, pimento/all-spice/Jamaican pepper, cane vinegar but with fried fish instead of raw. It is an Easter treat in Jamaica. I am way ahead of Ash Wednesday this year. ESC loved it so much that he grabbed the entire bowl and offered me the heads.

Finalmente

I finally submitted my business card in order to be added to the list of wedding photographers at church. Now we just sit and wait and say a few prayers.

New years resolutions?

Have you made any? What are they? I would love to hear all the exciting things you have planned for 2010.

This is the first time in years that I haven't really penciled a list of things to achieve in 365-6 days. I couldn't think of anything except:

"Just live."

But as I walked around the apartment in my cycle shorts looking as cute as a chocolate muffin, it became apparent that I had to revisit the single resolution. I still don't want to bog down myself with a list of things I feel I must achieve but there is at least one thing that stands out. Bellytwo is back (Imelda's moniker for my softy belly).

I revisited the plans I had for the decade... and those to accomplish before turning 30 and I realize that they were good, realistic plans all along and even though I have accomplished many of them, there was one thing that needed CONSISTENT attention: MY FITNESS.

So I married a chef. We both enjoy food, though I may just have the edge on him, especially since I fancy eating off his plate in addition to mine. I must say that ESC is in way better shape than me. My 20s have been a roller-coaster ride and I haven't yet been able to find consistency in a life that is anything but consistent and predictable.

And yes, the overarching excuse I gave myself over the decade of yo-yo fit and flab spurts is that I would be in my best shape EVER at 30. Note the preposition. Not "after," not "during," not "by." "At" 30.

Turns out I have seven months to go to hit "at 30." Turns out that 30 may also coincide with honeymoon and exotic vacation (as long as we can recover from the two tickets worth of money I gave away to the pick-pocket at the supermarket yesterday). OK bright people, a candy for the first person to get my first resolution for 2010.

You guessed it!!

To RESOLVE the fitness issue permanently and be in my best shape ever AT 30.

Just so you know... that is like a million little resolutions all packed into one.

I have another on the professional front:

To print, frame and sell my photos and continue to manifest my God-given talent through my photography and make some money.

That's it. Only two. No need to climb the Himalayas or swim the Nile. Just bust some sweat and push myself outside my comfort zone. If you know anything about big changes like I do, you know that it takes many little ones to accomplish them. Perhaps then fittest ever at 30 and selling fine art gallery prints are in some ways my Himalayas and my Nile.

I don't want to make any pronouncement to ESC. I don't even want him to see me exercising (which will be difficult since we share a studio apt). I just want the compliments when he notices that I have regained some flexibility here and there and my butt stands up more in my jeans and I have exchanged my stomach (Bellytwo) for abs.

When do I start?

Tomorrow. (Go ahead-laugh all you want). I am going to warm up my body for the rest of the week on the Slim in 6 routine and then get going with a 6 week cycle starting Sun with six days on one day off. I may do two cycles then do a round of Power 90 and a 90 day round of Power 90 Master Series. Who knows? I may even start tonight!

Fact of the matter is that both resolutions really will allow me to "Just live!"

Merry Christmas from Dubai!

I never knew how I really felt about Christmas until now.

I thought I wasn't into Christmas and all that jazz. I couldn't be bothered to try to be in so many places at once. My parents were never married, and separated pretty early. My mother and sisters wanted to see me. My father and brothers wanted to see me. As I teenager I would alternate between the two homes choosing this one this year and the other the next. As a young adult, I made the mistake years ago to drive to both on Christmas Day. My siblings and parents have since expected me to be in two places at the same time. For years I had two Christmas dinners. It was the best of both worlds. My stepmother's sorrel and Christmas cake were divine and the ham and turkey were to die for. My three teenage brothers tried to outdo each other to eat the most. My mother's gungo rice and peas, pot roast, curry goat and other dishes were a force to be reckonned with. My sisters were thrilled to have big sis around.

Two Christmases ago, I got tired of driving to Red Hills and then 45mins to Spanish Town and decided to cop out with Imelda in Montego Bay. I had a ball! I think we both put on 10 pounds in that week. The ham, homemade bread and scones were heavenly. We didn't do any fancy Christmas dinner, but we talked and talked and talked and talked. That Christmas holiday was such a reprieve from what was otherwise just too much drama. In a word? Cathartic. But my siblings were hurt. Very. They believed that it wasn't Christmas without me and they didn't have a good time.

So last year, I was torn again... between the carefree and mad fun escape to Montego Bay and siblings who had not seen much of me since I moved away from Jamaica. It was a hard decision and I didn't make it until the very end. I didn't go to Montego Bay. It was nasty... torn between being a single independent with irreverence for all the disjointed family drama and being a big sister, much loved and hardly seen by siblings and parents. How silly was I!

This is my first Christmas away from Jamaica and hands down, the hardest.

I miss home. I miss the familiarity of family. I even miss having people fight earnestly to have my company. Irony abounds.

I had to invite myself to Christmas dinner this year. My husband was working and would not be able to spend the day with me and I dreaded the idea of spending it alone. He doesn't celebrate Christmas anyway(religious reasons)- it just happens to be his mother's birthday and that is the reason for the family spread on Dec 25. It's fine to be anti holiday drama but not to do it alone. That's just depressing. So I chose not to be depressed.

But how do I really feel at the end of this, my first Christmas away from my three homes? Sad.

It's not just the food- which was nice. It's not just the company- which was warm, inviting and pleasant. It was the fact that I, the one who had so many homes to go to, was a single stranger in a a room of people.

I am not a huge fan of Christmas. I think this whole post is ironic and somewhat contradictory. I hate the holidays. It reminds me that I am from a split family. I feel left out being the odd one (my siblings share parents, I share none with them). I know I have to explain that one.

Simply put, I am the child of a dichotomy. I was an only child for both parents until age 9 when my parents started a race to beat each other to their new families. My sister who follows me is 9 days older than my brother. I had a brother every two years after that and a sister sometime in between. My father has the boys. My mother has the girls. I am the only union between both families. My brothers have the same parents, my sisters have the same parents. I am the odd one. The one who was a mistake. Or so I thought for a very long time. I don't use the terms "Half-brother" or "Half-sister" and neither have they. But in reality, that is what we are. But we are blood. And as we say in Jamaica "Blood thicker than water."

And for the very first time in my life, water was all I had this Christmas Day. Not even sorrel.

My husband left work and went out for drinks.

Busy body me

Sharjah went well. We didn't get up to the specific competition we went for (we never found the place until 6 hours later when we had long given up and decided to just turn the day into a discover and shoot Sharjah day). Such is the nature of directions in the UAE.... damned if you actually get there. Moral of the story... chances are you will fail to be where you need to be at the time you need to be there if you dont have an idea of where that place is already.

Besides that, I have been making myself pretty busy.

I have single-handedly updated my professional website and even forwarded my alternate URL to point to the same site. If you recall, I purchased two URLs with different versions of my name to protect my online identity, since there were quite a few people popping up with my name in recent years. Have a look at the new design and the updated pages and let me know what you think. Yes it's girlie... but what am I if not a girlie girl who isn't afraid to lug heavy equipment on a shoot wearing bright red lipstick? I have added a blog to that site (for professional use) but this will remain my core blog.

Now that I have updated my website and included packages for weddings, its time to go drop off my business card to the church office so that my name can be added to the list. One advantage of using my first two names only? Alphabetical order finally smiles in my favour :)

Did I tell you I bought ESC a URL for his birthday? Yes I did. What wife does that? This one. I am also working on his website, which for now will be a custom domain blog (to keep web-hosting costs down low or nil). I am leaning towards using Blogger as opposed to Wordpress because the former is free and the latter charges roughly $10bucks per annum. I know that isn't awfully expensive, but since we are going to start a third blog together for commercial purposes, I would rather spend where income is expected than where it is just a tool for promotion and expression. Ya know what I mean? Yes, the older I get, the more frugal I become like my granny. Truth be told, I much prefer the Wordpress templates than those of Blogger.

I am really excited about the prospects though.

Working on ESC's site has provided a wealth of info via research. I now know that I am just going to purchase the URL directly from the blog providers instead of goind via GoDaddy and then going through DNS transfers and renaming CNAMES etc.

Having a CARIMAC degree has certainly helped me out... finally my university education is paying off! I have two degrees in communication, I might as well use them to my advantage. I was a lot more adventurous when I was younger, working on sites like Kuyaba when I was still in undergrad. And the pay was gooood! I was even offered a job to do a website for my wedding photog friend. I think he is also better off with a blog with his own URL for content management purposes. I turned down another for a business because I just do not play with html that much and I dont have the software or the inclination. Too many spices can spoil a broth- its like being a one man TV station and trying to do all the jobs yourself...impossible.

ESC is home. Sleeping. Pour soul. Tired.

I have had 24 hrs of sheer domestic bliss. I wanted the place to be a haven or rest for us both this weekend. Gave him a candle lit peppermint bath this morning when he came home from work at 2:30. Pour soul was so exhausted that he fell asleep in the bath.

He cooked me breakfast this morning, and it was so much that we are having it for dinner.

We go on the photo trek tomorrow to Sharjah. Ooops forgot about that when I put my wet locks on rollers. Hope my hair dries by morning. Yes it's 14 hrs away before we leave home but locks can take very long to dry... esp now when the temp is very cool.

We have a movie date tomorrow with a chef colleague of his who he looks up to.

I am going to bake a box cake tomorrow and douse it with wine. Rum would have been preferred but I am afraid we have no such thing in our pantry. There is a bottle of flat wine that we have been nursing that hopefully should do the trick. I promise to try it on one one slice first instead of spoiling the whole thing.

I am shooting again.

Need to go through my backlog of photos and pick some gallery type photos for exhibition and printing. In addition to doing holiday portraits, that may be the quickest way to earn from my significant investment. The truth about photography is that the real artistic element is not grasped until printed and hung. It has to be in a frame to be regarded as collectible art. Otherwise, it's just another beautiful shot. I think my next assignments will be park and gallery hunting. The parks for reconnaissance for location shoots and galleries to see who may be interested in displaying my art. What have I got to lose? Not a darn thing!

Out of the house today

Loves, I am taking my camera with me to Al Karama and Al Satwa to test out a second hand lens I am thinking of purchasing. It is a telephoto zoom, though not as fast as I am now used to (having only the best bro lenses in my camera case till now). But I do need a telephoto zoom for weddings so it would be fantastic if this works out for me.

The real lens I have been dying to get over the past year and that I wish I had just closed my eyes and bought is a great fast pro piece of glass for food, portrait and macro photography. It costs US900. Out of my league right now, but I promise you this much, I will get it before summer next year. Hmmmn. I think I just found my reason to settle with this current telephoto and flash that I am getting now. Those are critical for a wedding photog kit but I dont have to splurge on the best of those just yet but that dream lens is really what is going to make me money and if I buy a cheaper telephoto and a cheaper lens, I will be further on my way to getting what I really want!

Oh man, NOW I am excited!

Parang in Dubai

Yesterday, I went to visit a lovely and vivacious Trini lady, her hobbyist photog Brit hubby and their daughter whofa eyes and expression are a photog's dream (on the hook up of mi cousin in Cayman). One word? Inspiration!

Missis, all though Miss Trini Parang said dinner was not a fuss, I had my fill of Trini Pelau, fried plaintains, tossed salad with raisins and corn pie and vino a plenty!

I had a really fantabulous time! Great conversation and all.... and you know what... it turns out that they too were on the Island Behind God's Back- though on the more popular one of the chain and not as much as twice removed from God's back as I was.

So now ESC and I have a lunch date next week with them and I have found an artical sistren who is loads of fun and a well-matched partner who fancies Dutty Stinking Shabba (their words:) ). He has done some really amazing work and actually has printed and framed a lot of them. She has a background in F& B herself and so she understands the dynamics of the demands and the kind of passion ESC has for his craft. We have spoken of photo trips... I am so excited!

I will have you know that yours truly took the trip from one end of Dubai to the next to their house alone! Yup! Talk about a learning curve! For three months, I only took cabs from the supermarket in my neighbood, and the first time I venture out on my own, I go across the entire length of Dubai from the first train stop till the last! Trust me, there is no comparison in terms of costs because a cab would have cost about AED75 and the train and 2 bus combo cost me like AED7.

So yes, I am coming out of my little shell. This reminds me of Imelda's little saying..."The shell has to break before the bird can fly."

When You Go Farin, Pack Yuh Granny into Yuh Suitcase

Pack it like you loading truck!!


For my non-Caribbean readers, just take your time and read aloud... usually, the word is as it sounds... :)

I was feeling a lickle homesick... and mi did put up a lickle piece of saltfish for such a time as this. So what me do? Mi grab the dutchie, hot up some oil, rub up some flour, grab nedda pot, bwile di saltfish, cut up some onion, garlic, skellion, tomatis, and cook dem up, pick up the saltfish and dash it in, stur it up, and add some nice fresh crunchy cabbage, knead mi dough, roll mi dumpling, put dem inna di hat ile, and tun dem when dem golden and cripsy pon si outside, and done cook, dish out the food.... and wait.

"MMMMMMMMMMMNNNN," hubby start moan. Me start moan likkle bit after.

All who did feel like dem too nice to with travel with saltfish and dutchpot (me) dash way dem dere false pride as soon as you realise say some tings just dont cook the same way into farin pot. And yes Dutch Ovens may be bought a farin, but I swear, the food taste sweeter if is a hand me down dutchie from a family member who asways cook up some nice soul food and mek yuh hide and lick yuh finger.

The other night me mek some sorrel tea and when Hubby taste it, him say all this want is likkle rum fi be real sorrel. That's right.. mi come with pimento too!

Missis, you can tek di Jamaican out of Jamaica but you cyaan tek di Jamaican outa she.

Miss Modda from Stewarton Mocho, (mi maternal granny) used to make mi fry dumpling and cabbage and saltfish fi breakfast ... and this morning... I went right back to the 6 year old girl whose eyes get wide with glee when she see seh grandma cooking just for me!!!! All mi need now is the fresh peppermint tea from di bush outside the kitchen and the nice sweet Mocho air. Wha go done? Rain a fall inna Dubai!

Back in business

The party went very well. We got very good reviews. Still waiting on the pics to post.

ESC and I had a much cherished two days together- though both evenings were spent dealing with government offices for the next step of my visa application. Yes... it took two days and about 5 hours altogether. After a 10 -day Eid holiday, apparently there was a huge backlog. But can I tell you, in many ways it pays to be a woman in a Muslim country- this was one of them. I would not have gotten through that night otherwise. Women have their own lines and do not have to converge with men. It's the same thing in the bus and the train, though when I travel with ESC I waive those rights to sit with him.

We took the bus and train a lot over those two days... so now I know how to get to Al Satwa. I now know exactly how to take the bus and train (a prepaid card must be purchased). We got two cards that are renewable for long term traveling.

I have to go back to Al Satwa today to return an electrical converter that busted the first time ESC connected it. I also have to go to Al Karama to visit my friend and wedding photog to help him sort through some techy issues. He has been a Godsend to us. He even offered to sell me some of his equipment on installment so that I can get bigger jobs.

I also got my business cards printed (and essentially these are name cards)... but with details of my services. So now, I am actively spreading the word that I am back in business. I have devised a Holiday Portrait Session for Individuals and Families at a very good price and have been pushing that. I have one customer already set to go. She is the same person who paid em to groom her locks.

I must admit that the holiday package came about as a result of the same boat party. Having had to give away a gift certificate for a Holiday Portrait Session, I realised it would be a good and timely idea to push the package to earn some pocket change.

I will also give a copy of my card to the church office tomorrow so that my name can be added to the list of photographers. The way Dubai works is that the church is the most important stop for Christian weddings and also most reliable so all wedding inquiries usually go through there first. There are only two churches that offer Christian Weddings in Dubai, so it is exceptional positioning to be on that list.

I am in the process of coming up with wedding packages that suit different pockets. My advantage is that I have my wedding photog friend as my ally to help me in whatever way possible and we have also agreed to do big jobs together.

I need to resume shooting now that I have sorted through my computer issues. I think I will walk with my camera today.