The trailing spouse: this woman's story

My cousin asked very poignant questions about the possibility of me packing up and moving again to follow ESC and where in all that would I find a place for my own dreams. I answered her comment directly but I am posting parts of it here because I thought others may be wondering the same thing.

I am living my own dream, even if it is while trailing his. Fact: I love to travel. Fact: I dream about living all over. Fact: He is more likely, based on his own career choice to be the one who will easily get work.

We decided before we got married that we would spend several years living the expatriate life, soaking up the experiences and then eventually settle down when we had children who were ready for school.

I made a choice to come over on his visa because the other choice was him on mine since the jobs that he was interested in nearby me had dried up due to recession. I decided that I didn't want to start off a marriage with an emasculated man and since he was willing to give it all up to come and be with me, I decided not to let him and come instead.

There are a million zillion things and dreams I have and marriage doesn't stop me from reaching them. In fact, my marriage is the conduit for a lot of them.

We are BOTH making sacrifices for the first three (or so ) years of our union that will have a HUGE impact on our lives later on.

Fact: His hours are RIDICULOUSLY long. Longer than even those in the same industry in the Caribbean. Fact, the quicker he gets higher, the more time we will have together.

Fact: His next appointment is seeking to place me also so I will have my own work even in the midst of him rising. It makes sense for me to transition into the industry to ensure long term job placement as his trailing spouse.

Fact: Even when he reaches Exec Chef, he will have really long hours, it would be wise to ensure that I have a chance to work part-time so that I can satisfy my desire to work part-time when we have children because the two of us cannot be hard hitting at our careers and raise a balanced family.

Fact: Even if he reaches Exec Chef and I decided that I wanted to head back full force into the game- switching Mom jeans for a smart business suit- after being sick of trailing him he would be willing to put his career on hold for me and mind the chilrun.

Fact: Two of us cannot give the same output at the same time due to the nature of our careers and expect anything but a failed relationship.

The reality of moving hemispheres

I miss my world... this one I now live in has become so much larger than me that sometimes it's hard to see the speckle I represent in a crowd.

I miss my family, friends, my safe places, my hugs.

I miss the conversations- chatting on the phone until your neck hurts and the battery runs out.

I miss the connection.. being part of a community bigger than myself, being there to celebrate in the victories and empathize the defeat of others.

I miss driving to Mo Bay in my own car. I miss driving to Portland. I miss the calming effect of being both by the sea and in the lush green majestic hills.

I miss the fact that almost every waking minute seems like a dramatic climax. A woman walking down the road in something made for the stage, the audience commentary in the theatre, the back chat, and the strange women who will come up behind you and pull up your slip.

I love my country. I love my people. I know that times are hard there. Times are hard everywhere but the sun still shines there doesn't it?
Rhone wrote a classic screenplay about Jamaicans who traveled abroad in search of "a better life," dispelling the myth of "foreign being the 'Land of Milk and Honey.' "

There is good and bad in foreign. Foreign broadens your horizons and expands your worldview- two things that I believe are priceless in human development. It may also come with some financial reward which makes building that mansion in Cherry Gardens that much more accessible even if it takes you all your working life to save for it. But these things come at a cost. Sometimes a very huge one.

It is hard to leave home and return the same. We change with our experiences and we find ourselves altered for better or worse. Home changes too. While you were away getting on with your life, so was home. New roads, communities, politics, challenges and even babies now stand and look you in the eye and you weren't there while it was all happening.

Getting out of my comfort zone

I see withdrawn patterns from Island Behind God's Back re-emerging and I am nipping it in the bud. I cannot afford to go back to that place mentally. So much so that instead of going back to bed after ESC leaves, I am drinking my green tea and making the damn bed and opening the drapes to let some light in.

ESC told me to do something exceptional today.

"Take the train."

Taking the train here is exceptional for a few reasons. The railway is above ground and provides an excellent tour of the city. The second, and more compelling reason is that it is the largest network of unmanned rail in the world. That's the part that is also a little daunting. But yes, I do need to get out more and go far beyond my usual exploit of our neighbourhood mall.

Dubai is not NYC so it means I have to do more and go further to see more.

They are lots of museums and galleries too. Restaurants are among the best in the world but those come with a hefty price tag.

I have books to read and there are free rides to several beach properties from his hotel chain right outside my door.

I have lots of writing to do... and plans to make for me... and I need to get that engine rolling.

Here's that saying again that my granny would tell me as a child.

"Do something before something do you."

There is certainly much more to life in the middle east that sitting at the computer everyday on facebook and allowing precious hours to tick by.

Day of Departure

I slept for all of 90mins last night. I am all organised and ready to go.

Ticket printed: check
Visa printed: check
Travel ins printed: check
Bags packed: check
Room tidied: check
Book packed: check
iPod charged: check
I just need to remember to pack my makeup once I put it on.

So this is it, after 9 long months, I see ESC in about 20 hrs.

So long from New York. Dubai here I come!

Here's to the end of nakedness in the streets (humbug).

I miss my peeps already.

Last lick

I leaving Jamaica in a few hours. Going to board one big jet plane with little more than a prayer for the next leg of the journey and a copy of "The Poisonwood Bible" to read. This always gets me ... when you have to pack up your entire life in two pieces of luggage not exceeding 50 pounds each, which parts do you take with you and which do you leave behind?

I am up at 3:00am packing. I waited till the 11th hour. I started at midday today. This is not regular packing. I was forced to unpack things I took from the Island Behind God's Back and repack for storage and a few things to take with me.

Being overweight on a transatlantic trip is no joke. I don't plan on being crucified accordingly. I think I have too many things already, but will just have to make space in NYC if needs be.

I am taking very little with me. No photo album, no wall-hanging, less than 10 pairs of shoes- all for a trip that is supposed to take me away from my home-base for roughly 12 months.

I have learned the hard way that there are precious few things that actually mean the world to me. Handmade bags and earrings by imelda, an old maternity dress cum nightgown that my mother wore for her pregnancy with me that the sat down and repaired and a crotchet tam made by her. Pashminas for feigned modesty, suits in the hopes of a new vibrant career, and music to take me through the motions.

Everything else is expendable. Especially when it comes at an additional charge of USD$175.

I have a few weeks of quiet contemplation in New York before heading to Dubai.

Nervous? If you cut, won't I bleed?

Countries worth photographing

I am thinking Japan, Cambodia, Thailand, Taiwan, North Korea, South Korea, India, Pakistan, China, Morocco, Ghana, Ethiopia, Agypt, Uganda, Nairobi, Kenya, South Africa, Nigeria, Ivory Coast, Senegal, Bali, Fiji, Papua New Guinea, Maui, Maldives, Sicily, Dubai, Sudan, Rwanda, Zimbabwe, Cape Verde, Brazil, Mexico, Costa Rica, Panama, Belize, Argentina, Venezuela, Chile, Guyana, Cuba, Dominica, Holland, France, Spain, Austria, Switzerland, Sweden, Ireland, Britain, Wales, Scotland & Mars

Back in the saddle

Yesterday I drove my car to work on four brand new tires. That's close to $500 bucks. And I drive a SMALL car with SMALL wheels. So you see when I mean when I say things are expensive here?

I also drove to the car was and mi amigo de espanish dominicano whose English is as bad as my Spanish hooked me up with a two hour car washing. Most of the paint is gone.

Also, Easy Skanking Chef is sending me to NYC to cool down for a few weeks. Eighteen more people were sent home from his company. Three from his department. Again, he dodged a bullet. This is the fourth tranche. Anxieties are high but I am happy that we have been blessed so. Two salaries better than one.

So I am going to Manhattan, NYC next week and Maryland, DC two weeks after. Boss has signed the leave request and Uncle D has made the reservations and will complete payment tonight.

So I am set. I dont have winter clothes so it will be jeans, leggings and lots of layers for me.

Luckily Harlem Mama is going to be able to take me to all the places where I can get warm stuff cheap because I dont even have shoes without holes.

And one more thing...

I think...

I am going to get my nose pierced.

Where I want to travel to

In no order:

1. Africa: Ghana, South, Ethiopia, Egypt, Morocco
2. Cuba.
3. India
4. Japan
5. China
6. Maldives
7. Haiti
8. Brazil
9. Bali
10.Fiji
11.Portugal
12.Austria
13.Italy & Sicily
14.Spain
15.Mexico
16.Venezuela
17.Unite Kingdom (Great Britain and Northern Ireland)
18.Switzerland
19.Guyana
20.Dubai

A plea for motion and wide open spaces

I want to jump on a plane. I just want to see something different. Even a car or a boat. I just want to be moving for longer than 15 minutes without going around in circles.

I know I am going to go soon enough (if you can classify 7 months as such)... just feeling a little claustrophobic and stagnant today. I feel like wide open spaces and lots of motion today.

[after a long break]

I went on a journey in cyberspace... looking at all kinds of things that interest me. It's funny but I seem to be learning more about Jamaica since I left.

I want to visit the National Gallery when I go back home.

I miss dance classes at Edna Manley School of the Visual Arts. I think that as long as I live in Kingston, or have access and time to it, my life will be filled with wonderful artistic classes, whose aim is not to pass any exam but to find self expression.

I believe there is something wrong with the education system. It teaches everybody the same thing over and over. Maybe I should have gone to Art School instead of CARIMAC, but CARIMAC was a hybrid, of sorts. Still not enough creativity there though.

Anyway... I am taking a musical journey on my world beat show tonight. I look forward to that. This time, I will ensure that the live streaming actually works ahead of the show. My bad for thinking that it ought have been so without my prodding...especially since I don't work there and don't even get paid. But it's my show I care about, and my international listeners, who give me so much love and support. Word on the ground is that locals and expatriates are listening and liking. Hmmn... not bad after all.

Feeling trapped

I cant seem to shirk the feeling of being trapped in a career that just represses who I am.

I just want to travel, photograph, write and work on my broadcast productions. Some people make a career of that... I was on that path..and then I encountered the higher paying PR field and then voila!

Maybe if I really bought myself the camera I want and embarked on weekend expeditions I would not feel so confined creatively. But traveling within these islands, though beautiful, is rather expensive. Return tickets to one island alone is 170 and to do a mutli-island hop would be rather expensive..especially since I will not alter my life experience much.

I just feel like there is just so much of the world to see and I am just tucked away from all that is happening.

Now that I have paid off the bills, I feel like the next thing is to save for the expedition. I have wanted to travel for so long, but never had the money even when I had the time.

I have to give myself this.

I feel like so much of my career confusion will be subdued once I give myself the gift of undiluted me... just roaming and living.. not to pay bills or have responsbilities but just to live and be creative.

I just need three months.

Or maybe six.

I just need a fucking break.

Breakfast in Provo, Lunch in Miami & Dinner in Kingston

I feel like a jet setter.

Only thing is I am clearly a rookie because I have been suffering from the worst jet lag after taking 6 planes in 3 nights.

But it's good to be home.

As it stands, this is my last trip home for a long time.

Tying up loose ends.

Severing unprofitable ties.

Ending a long and heart-rending chapter.

Here's to new beginnings.

Travel bug bites again

I am looking forward to the easter break next week. I am planning to leave work half day and disappear for the weekend. I have not finalized travel plans but I am definitely going on a plane somewhere. It could be Fort Lauderdale or another Caribbean island. I just dont want to spend too long in transit so short distances are optimal. I may go to visit my brother in the Cayman Islands but I have to look into the visa requirement. Something tells me that bureaucracy may eliminate that as a possibility.

I would actually love to go to St. Lucia as I have been trying to go there since last year. Was actually booked for jazz but did not get to go.

I just need a change of scenery. I suspect that I will travel twice this month before I start a new job. This first trip will be a short breather and I hope to take a two-week break by month end. I will go to Fort Lauderdale and shop for a week (new work duds) and then return to chill for a week. I may book into my favourite boutique hotel on the south coast.

I havent been anywhere since the year started so I am very much looking forward to it.

I wanted to cross the Atlantic later this year too but we will see about that.

Bon voyage to moi!




...

More work? Pay me more!!!

I usually have some thought in mind when I beging a post. Not this time. I am just tired ...long day at work and the monthly feminine trappings loom at my doorstep.

I am trying to be more calm and collected in my day to day activities.. especially as it relates to the bablylonia that is my workplace. Now that I have a mission to adhere to, it seems more tolerable.

They want to reassign me to take on addditional managerial duties but if it comes with a hefty increase, I may just cave in. That means reporting for work at 8:30 and dressing up on a more consistent basis though. But hell, if I will be able to save for a European tour, a new mac laptop, a semi-professional digital SLR and an iPod, well honey, I will in at 8! Well at least for the first three months.