Life is beautiful

There are good people in this world and miracles do happen. We just have to open our eyes to see them.

Life is truly beautiful.

Enjoy Life

I rode with a Pakistani taxi driver who kept on saying "ENjoy Life" to me the other day. He spoke very little English. He asked me if I would love to hear music and I said "Yes." His reply? Bobbing his head from side to side and smiling, his eyes met mine in the rearview mirror. "Enjoy life."

We talked in the muddy waters lurking in between speakers of different languages about where I came from. "Not Kenya, Jamaica, West Indies....cricket." the last two rang a bell. His conclusion: "Enjoy Life."

I had reached my destination. "Shukaran," I said in Arabic.

"Enjoy Life," was his reply.

He wasn't the last taxi driver to use the verb "enjoy" frequently with me. I took note. Here it is, that a barely functional second language English speaker is telling me one of the most profound messages of the universe in my first language without even knowing it. Isn't that how God speaks?

So, on this day, acknowledging that though I am very far from where I want to be, I am going to be an active participant in the ride and "Enjoy life" as it unveils daily, and a la minute.

Aha! Moments are present continuous.

Eulogizing Life

Too often, all that needs to be said, never gets said until life ends and the buzzer goes off indicating the end of the match. If I learned anything from my Aunt Cover who died at 31, it's that life is too unpredictable to take for granted. We have no control about when we go, but we are fully responsible for what we do while we have breath.

I don't know when my time will come. It may be at the ripe old age off 109, with my skin so wrinkled that I become a black and white photographer's dream. I may face death earlier. And so may you. But what do we do with the in-between?

For the 4 years I have been writing this blog, I have found a voice that I struggled all my life to hear. You have helped me to create an authentic space where I can express and challenge myself without judgement and self-consciousness. You have read quietly and actively participated in my monologue and in so doing, you have validated my expression. You have showed up to the theatre, some repeatedly over the years, with eager anticipation for a performance that you can connect with. Sometimes you came just to make certain that I was alive and well and that the show was still going on.

For your time, I thank you. Your time is the most sacred and invaluable gift you have, and that you have shared it with me, humbles me.

Let me say, to you... everyone who has come by, to those who follow openly and in secret, those who find inspiration and channel those positive vibes, those with whom I have made friendships through blogging, I thank you.

Please remember to share your gratitude with others who have made an impact on your lives. You just never know when they will no longer be around.

Life may not always be happy or long, but it should by in all ways, be meaningful.

Live your best life. You only get one shot.

When life gets sour

Life can be downright difficult sometimes but a so we know who in control, no so? From whence cometh your help? Give thanks even in sorrow farzin to say, no the same thing that sour you did one time sweet you? Joy and sorrow are sides of the same coin (paraphrasing Gibran).

Life is not sour for me right now, but ESC and I do have our patches of sucking salt through wooden spoon [thanks to Imelda for knowing every Jamaican proverb and idiom under the sun]. We have had our differences and confrontations but we have been working them through and getting closer and understanding each other as a result. A relationship is damn hard work. A good relationship is plenty hours of hard algebra and trigonometry homework. I don't like maths... but it is good to find a formula that works and stick to it.

Imelda and I have been chatting online about just how blessed we are in spite our humble means. That likkle story bout silver linings... a true.

Life is what you make it... thunderstorm or not.

I don't know bout you but from I likkle bit dem tell me that life isn't a bed a roses. Well I say... life is just that- a bed of roses...just watch out for the prickles. Somedays it pretty but sometime, everywhere you turn macka (prickle) juk (prick) you. Even in nature, thorns serve their purpose.



On Joy and Sorrow
Kahlil Gibran

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater thar sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

Life and Love

I was avoiding the bandwagon because it seemed everyone had jumped on it and there was no space left. But alas, here is yet another story using the deceased king of pop to score points with fellow bandwagonists. Fun and joke aside, it is not the story of Michael Jackson, nor is it yet another sensationalised ending to a less than happy life, it is just an observation of deeply we seem to mourn those whom we never bothered to show love while they were alive.

It's easier to grieve openly over the loss of a loved one than to spend the time to cultivate that relationship and allow yourself to be used to bless that person's life and vice versa. After all, who is up for the self analysis, selflessness and growth it takes to reach out and touch other people's lives?

What is love anyway? How many of us who we claim to love are we really guilty of loving?

The eve of Turning 30...a TwentySomething assessment

I just realised that I wil turn 30 in August of NEXT year! I may still be 28, but that puts things in a slightly different perspective.

There are soooo many plans I had. Goals to accomplish. Of course, all before turning 30. Alas! Life intervenes. And in a damn good way, might I add.

Forget the house, the marriage and the children and the highway to financial wealth. I am happy. I am even better than happy. I have deep-seated delight and contentment in the fact that I have spent the time really working on me. And in the most fullsome way, realising me.

Some years ago I accepted the fact that marriage and children were not an expressed and guaranteed rite of passage, especially if I really cared about who I wanted marry and the circumstances in which I want to bring children into this world.

I decided too that those standards, though high, were not to be compromised. Here's why. It dawned on me that I was perfectly whole as I am... and then without a man to truly call mine, and even now in a relationship. I recognised that these were merely add-ons from the whole list of electives that one could choose in the course of life. I also became aware that there were many others to select from.

That was the beginning of my epiphany... freeing myself from the childhood expectancy of wearing white and being labeled "mother."

I then set about the pursuit of chiseling the "woman."

I believe that finding me, my voice, my purpose and my singular yet consuming personal joy was even better.

There are still goals...a life is aimless without them, but they are different.

The older I get, the more flexible I am with them, because sometimes in executing you find that they are not worth pursuing. So you adjust accordingly.

Like the rising the corporate ladder. I was leading teams from I made my producing debut at 19 for a children's TV programme. Went into the corporate world and became a PR Manager for a Trans National brand by 25. I owned my own business by 26. Moved from my country by 27.

And got my heart broken sometime between.

The things left to do are doable. The worldwide travel. Photography. Writing. Producing and Directing moving pictures (documentaries, indie films and TV programming). Getting in the best shape of my life. Climbing Blue Mountain. Getting young people to realise their own potential in their teen and early adult years. Getting my nose pierced.

These are goals that are realistic and are will in my reach of attaining.

Owning a house, getting married, having children may come. If they do, I will be content. If not, that would be because I managed to be equally content doing all the above.

Epiphany a la Churchill

"I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught."
- Winston Churchill

Doesn't that sum up this whole damn decade in a nutshell!

The lessons have been "plent many." And many have been REALLY hard. Tough pills to swallow. Some have had to be powdered by mortar and pestle to get through, and even so, they did not go down without leaving a horrible after taste.

But like Bucley's they taste awful, but they work.

Every single step has been ordered. And so to has every single obstacle.

Man drama. Work drama. Family dram. Friend drama. Health drama. Money drama. Spiritual Drama- all apart of the plot.

What is a dramatic play without drama?

I feel like I am on Act II of my own personal drama- where all the scenes heat up, and the dramatic elements rise in conflict to crescendo. But you know what happens in Act III? All conflicts are resolved and the climax settles in a nice post exctasy haze. And so, after spending your money, time, energy and emotions being wrapped up in this tangled web of a plot, you leave the theatre happy that you have just not only seen a play, but had a real experience.

I am finding myself.

Note the present continuous tense because that is a never-ending discovery. We are dynamic, and once we are open to learning and growing, we reach higher heights of self awakening. The only challenge is that often comes with change. And so once we reach higher, we are finding more and more about our continuously evolving selves.

That is what makes this life so beautiful, and yet so hard.

Learning often comes with difficult lessons, some which we do not really want to embrace. But once we do, then this whole scarcely defined thing called "life" seems much more purposeful and enjoyable after all.

There are times when we lose sight of this light at the end of the tunnel and are blinded by the darkness immediately in front of us, but that is time, when we close our eyes and see from spiritual eyes. We envision that light, even though we cannot see it in the physical, and we walk, eyes closed -but far from blinded- right into it.

I believe this is the moment in therapy that they call "The Breakthrough."


...

Balancing act

It is becoming increasingly difficult to balance my life where day job, entrepreneurial endeavours, finding a new day job, professional association board responsibilities, and completing my thesis are concerned. Notice I haven't even mentioned any element of a personal life, which ideally involves 6 days of intense excercise, 3 days of dance classes, daily mild yoga practice which intenfies into a scenic outdoor weekend practiced, some quality uncluttered time to write and photograph, "beat breaks" to the country or traveling overseas, curling up with fantastic books, evenings sipping good wine and listening to eclectic music, stimulating conversation, and leisure domesticated duties such as making house and cooking and entertaining.

My life is a cacophony of too much activity. I seem to like it that way. Lie. I love it that way. I thrive on adrenaline. I push hard and work hard but cannot seem to strecth the hours and energy to play hard.

That's where this balancing act comes in. My personal life suffers. Mind you, I am not talking in the limited scope of a relationship but rather in the general manner of nurturing ME. This is not to say that a relationship is not on my list of things personal. its just that at this point, I dont have one "up in my face," for want of a much better phrase.

My mind is too cluttered to facilitate peaceful slumber and I am at my wits end doing a job for which my passion has long expired. I am unhappy with it and it is taking a huge toll on me psychologically.

I am one of those people who has simply got to do what she loves. I cannot be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship and I cannot have a job simply for the sake of having a pay cheque at the end of the month. This state I am now in is quite like being forced to be in a relationship by external forces such as duress. I know all too well that quitting before I secure another is far from sagacious- a lesson learned twice over. It took me two times to get this shy.

So where does this bring me? To a level of anxiety that makes me very uncomfortable. I have a second interview tomorrow and I have a nervous stomach. At this point, all my eggs are on this new opportunity, I met them once and now they want to see me twice. I guess they like somethings about me, but they like somethings about somebody else too because now we are shortlisted to two.

I know that I should be anxious for nothing. But right now, that is easier said than done. In fact, I find that I am anxious about all the things in my life that I care about, and that's not so good is it? On one hand, it appears that there is a lack of centredness and faith which propels this fear, but on the other hand, as I know in show business, if you aint nervous, be scared. If the cameras start rolling and there isn't a wee bit of fluttering in your stomach, something is wrong and you are pretty much guaranteed a poor performance. Nervous energy as I was taught, is just additional energy that you just have to channel elsewhere so that you can really shine. Hmmmn.. maybe its the same coin then.

Writing is sooooooooooo important to me. It seems like the more I write, the clearer I get, and the more I discover about myself.

Having said all that, I still need to find a way to make all this work and not only work but harmonise. Too much dissonance nuh good. I cannot focus only on my career. As much as it brings me tremendous satisfaction, my work cannot be my only joy. There are other things that bring me happiness, and the more I find time for them, the greater the spread of happiness and the more content I will be.

Balance. Simple, yet profound to the overwhelmingly workaholic.

Will I therefore just shut down this computer and go to bed, or will I find time to sort out some paper work for my business and maybe throw in a chapter of reading for my thesis? Hmmmn.. I dont feel like sleeping anyway.

Compromise. An important word in relationships (especially the one with your cluttered self missy). I will spend half hour finalising paper work and then do 45mins of a dance routine on dvd. If i feel invigorated and not woedfully tired afterward, I will read that book to put me to sleep.


Hmmm.... I like this. Feeling better already.




...

Life is beautiful

Not quite reminiscent of the classic, today was a good day and I must say that life is truly wonderful.

I just feel very centred today, like my life is going according to plan and that things are better than they seem.

Female hormones are weird, I mean really weird. Its been 15 years since puberty and I still cannot get used just how unsettling the monthly hormonal spike can be. I think it is more intense when I am under lots of stress, which I was over the past two and a half weeks.

Maybe its because I feel so strongly that God has my back, but I strongly believe that all things work together for good.

I maintain, life is beautiful.

In all things, give thanks,