For my good by Byron Cage

[That all things are working together for the good of those who love the Lord,
And are called according to His purpose,
And the psalmist says]

For my good, for my good
Things will work out for my good
Even though I would change things if I could
Things will work out, Things are gonna work out
Things will work out for my good

If I could, I would change the things
The things that brought me pain
And replace all earthly loss with Heaven’s gain
I'd erase the painful memories
And I'd paint my gray skies blue
I would love, obey and honor you Lord
In all I say and do, I really would

For my good,
[anybody believe that what your going through is]
For your good,
[yes Lord]
Things will work out for my good
Even though I would change things if I could
[I want someone to hear this]
Things will work out
[On your job I want you to know]
Things will work out
[In your home situation, listen]
Things will work out for my good

[Point to yourself and sing it with me]
For my good
[Anybody believe that in here?]
For my good
[Thank you Jesus]
Things will work out for my good
[Thank you Lord]
Even though I would change things if I could
[I want you to know tonight]
Things will work out
[If you believe that just begin to praise Him]
Things will work out
[All the good all the bad all the hurt]
Things will work out
[You âre not gonna lose your mind and go crazy, just know]
Things will work out
[Stand right where you are and wait on the Lord]
Things will work out
[I don't care how hard it looks tonight]
Things will work out
[Yes they will, sing it tonight]
Things will work out for my, my good

The unbroken circle

These past few weeks since my arrival in Dubai have been somewhat of a crescendo in my life experience. There is a whole lot going on... and in moments like these I tend to be quiet. I have to be quiet because I know God is speaking to me.

I can't say that He speaks in a baritone or a husky English accent or even that He uses the language of Rastafari because I cannot honestly say that I know what His voice sounds like. But I don't limit his ability to communicate with me just through voice anymore. It's being led to read a passage in the bible that is applicable to what you are going through, it's seeing the way ESC looks at me, it is experiencing the fruits of a wholesome, healthy love on a daily basis, it's the small job opportunities that are aligned to where I am and where I want to go; it's leaving home and heading further than I have ever been and knowing deep in my heart that my home is anywhere ESC is; it's realising that for all the good things I see manifest on a daily basis, it is the hand of God that makes it possible.

When I tell people of the good news of our engagement and nuptials, they seem to say in accord "You deserve it." But I don't. There are more "deserving" people walking hungry in the streets. It is by grace that my blessings are given. It is with great humility that I receive.

I know, and have known perhaps forever that I am destined for greatness. Greatness is as you define it. I am realising that the greatest thing of all is to be content in whatever circumstances because "The Lord is my shepherd, I have all that I need." It is a humbling existence, yes, just sitting back and allowing God to be God rather than running around like a headless chicken profiling as the "in-charge" of my life. My mantra is "Let God be God." Simple but effective.

Simplicity is blissful. Truly. I am certain that I wont always have so much time to myself, but I am reveling in it now. ESC works long hours and that gives me space to do what I need to do.

I have grown. Immensely. I can recognize it. There was a time when the only time I truly acknowledged the power and grace of God was during the bad times. Now the good times are just as humbling. It means that He has sufficiently broken and moulded me to the point where I fall in thanksgiving at the sight of a blessing. I don't believe in luck. Luck is for those who do not believe in anything bigger than themselves. I don't believe in randomness. I believe in order-divine at that. And my life, as haphazard as it may seem at times, is ordered.

I see how things connect. Every conversation, every encounter, every thing I feast my eyes on, everything I listen to, every experience I have had, and even everything I do.

ESC asked me for a facial at 3am this morning and as soon as I touched his face, he began to doze off. When I was through, he hugged me and said "Thank you."

"That's what I am here for," I replied.

And it is.

I am here to love and support and challenge and encourage and give and receive. I am a vessel. My life is not my own. My dreams are a mere fragment of my purpose.

We have decided to be on a sexual fast fast in these two weeks leading up to our wedding- a lesson in restraint, but I felt deeply convicted for us to be prostrate before God alone during this time leading up to such a huge milestone in our journey. It is about us asserting that God is the centre of this union and without Him, we would not have been here, and we cannot make it. It is about seeking his continued blessings for our spiritual, physical, emotional and financial health. It is about praying for the blessings of our unborn children. It is about us individually and collectively aligning ourselves to His will.

This is the biggest step we have both made in our lives and there are lots of emotions that come with such change. This is our time to be still and know who is God, and to let His divine order take up permanent providence in the way we live our lives together.

I have learned a lot about love from ESC. In many ways, he has re-written my book of expectations. My standards we lowered and he raised them up by treating me like his queen. I feel like royalty. I am royalty. Daughter of the Most High... and queen to my earthly king.

All of this makes me humble because I can remember countless nights and days of bawling my heart out to God praying for Him to send me someone who truly loved me in a godly way. Someone to be there for me. A life partner that knew Him and was thirsty for Him.

These were my prayers from over 10 years ago. I have had my heart broken several times since because I was busy doing it on my own and looking for love in the wrong places. A girl gets hurt that way.

I am not saying that I have been a saint-by no means have I- and therein anchors my point. None of this is deserving. I am not getting any of this peace, and joy and spiritual green pasture because of something I did...it's all by grace.

There are two people in my life whom I would have loved to be here with me to experience just how much their baby has grown up- Aunty Bev and my mother's youngest sister, Cover who was more a big sis than an aunt. Both died of cancer. One when I was 11 and the other when I was 24. I know that they have been here with me all the time though, and helping me to fight my battles in the spirit.

I know ESC also wishes his father could be here. He died before he really got a chance to know him after he left his wife with 5 children. I know that ESC wants to draw on his own father's strengths and build on his weaknesses. I know that he will be a better husband and father than his own because he knows what not to do.

I thank God that I have a father who has been a brilliant example even though it hasn't been easy to have a child as fierce as me:). He never gave up on me. And my mother who has made her fair share of mistakes but who has proven to me in so many ways that there is absolutely nothing like a mother's love. For Imelda for being my surrogate... some bonds do not have to be biological to be powerful. And to Rootical Flava who has been there from day 1, through the highs and the crashes and still answers her phone in the middle of the night. I would have had a nervous breakdown or two in my life if God didn't place you all in my life.

I know that the struggles will come. They are part and parcel of the process, but as I have learned form Muslims since I have come, when things are going bad or good, I will "Look up and say 'Thank God.' "

Yes. God... poor likkle me

My friend just reminded me that it is when we are weakest, that God's power is made known.

I am going to go meditate on that.

She reminded me of the footprints in the sand.

His grace is sufficient for me.

NO one is going to break my stride

Listen, this thing may have unsettled me but it will not break me. I am bigger than this and the sum total of my purpose on this earth is greater than any force that is trying to diminish it.

I will clean the car, claim the insurance and sell it.

I will walk and ride my bicycle. It may take me two hours to reach to and from work but I will be better for it. I may even get an extra lens from the proceeds. Whoever is trying to break me, may unsettle me but cannot break a spirit that is not centred on the frivolous or surface.

I have done no evil to anyone, and this is not my karma, I will not embrace it, it will boomerang to the source from whence it came because a curse without a cause cannot alight. I only pray for mercy when they face their own judgement.

I will sleep tonight, because my peace is above and beyond anything earthly.

I rest in the assurance that no weapon formed against me shall prosper.

This song resonates in my head:

Nobody's gonna break my stride
Nobody's gonna hold me down, oh no
I've got to keep on moving

New Goals

1. Pay off Student Loans by year end
2. Pay up insurance and pension premiums by year end.
3. Pay off debt on expired credit cards

I know my time on this Island Behind God's back is short. No need to fool myself. If work is all I have here and I am not given the resources to do my job and am being criticisd for lack of output, then I have an untenable situation on my hands.

In the meantime, I will triple efforts to try to redeem myself professionally, but my exit strategy has got to kick in full gear. The time is short. August next year was ambitious.

Money is not everything.

I just need some to get out of this financial rut and then, whoila, I will be free to define my own happiness.

I have prayed about it and will continue to do so. I have put the whole situation squarely at the foot of the cross.

If God's eye is on the sparrow, I can rest ASSURED that He will provide all my needs according to His riches in glory.

That's the thing about money and faith. You dont have to have money to have faith but having faith means that money somehow finds its way into your hand when you need it most.

But you know what? I am at peace.

That is the first time in a long time that I have felt this way.

Maybe there really is something about taking the yoke of Christ- it is sure easier and lighter.

I know ultimately that whatever forces are at hand, no weapon formed against me shall prosper.

God put me here and His purspose for me here will be achieved before I leave because his word does not return to him without fruit.

So, in the midst of all this work drama, I am standing on His promises.

Even when I have been banished on an Island so far removed that I refer to it as "The Island Behind God's Back," His presence is never far from me.

What more could a Twenty Something girl ask for?

Not even shoes.

Faith, Cornmeal Porridge and Cup Soup

That's how I am living. I swear.

I had a heart to heart with Maty, Stoosh Granny on Friday. I told her of my financial struggles with business being slow and collections being even slower and her response was that, "hardships draw you closer to God." Now aint that the truth?!?

I just know that all the randomness of things in my life have not been so random, but have been moderated by intelligent design. Yup... God is in control!

I realise my error in the past. I got all pumped up with pomposity and arrogance, thinking that "I" was smart, "I" had money, "my" business was successful, "I" could afford nice things... yadda yadda... forgetting that all my successes were not because of the "I" but the "God" in me.

I stopped paying my tithes when my salaries got higher. Can you imagine 10% of 7 digits? I gave pittifully in my offering, even though my name MEANS offering. I just got too high on self and believed my own PR.

Now what do I have?

Long quiet days, boredom, late bills, late cheques coming in, frustration, despair, despondency, depression, fear.... but the most amazing things happen when you are down.

I know God had to strip me of all the distractions-money and men, to re-train my eyes to only see his face, and to re-train my mind to call on his grace. I had got so lost, having achieved so much, and I was struggling spiritually. In fact, I wasnt even struggling spiritually, because I had lost any spiritual conviction I had left and just did as I wanted when I wanted with no fear or admonition of the Lord.

And that is what brought me here....

And you know what? I am grateful for this journey. I am grateful for the struggles, because were it not for them, my eyes would probably never see the glory of the Lord.

So right now, I stand in faith that the Lord will provide all my needs according to his riches in glory.

Whatever success or favour I receive is the life, is not the "I" but the "Him" in me.