Monday, March 17, 2008

Faith, Cornmeal Porridge and Cup Soup

That's how I am living. I swear.

I had a heart to heart with Maty, Stoosh Granny on Friday. I told her of my financial struggles with business being slow and collections being even slower and her response was that, "hardships draw you closer to God." Now aint that the truth?!?

I just know that all the randomness of things in my life have not been so random, but have been moderated by intelligent design. Yup... God is in control!

I realise my error in the past. I got all pumped up with pomposity and arrogance, thinking that "I" was smart, "I" had money, "my" business was successful, "I" could afford nice things... yadda yadda... forgetting that all my successes were not because of the "I" but the "God" in me.

I stopped paying my tithes when my salaries got higher. Can you imagine 10% of 7 digits? I gave pittifully in my offering, even though my name MEANS offering. I just got too high on self and believed my own PR.

Now what do I have?

Long quiet days, boredom, late bills, late cheques coming in, frustration, despair, despondency, depression, fear.... but the most amazing things happen when you are down.

I know God had to strip me of all the distractions-money and men, to re-train my eyes to only see his face, and to re-train my mind to call on his grace. I had got so lost, having achieved so much, and I was struggling spiritually. In fact, I wasnt even struggling spiritually, because I had lost any spiritual conviction I had left and just did as I wanted when I wanted with no fear or admonition of the Lord.

And that is what brought me here....

And you know what? I am grateful for this journey. I am grateful for the struggles, because were it not for them, my eyes would probably never see the glory of the Lord.

So right now, I stand in faith that the Lord will provide all my needs according to his riches in glory.

Whatever success or favour I receive is the life, is not the "I" but the "Him" in me.


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