Right before it gets better, it gets worse

That's how life is isn't it? The darkest hour falls before daybreak? Things get bleak before they get clear. You get sicker then better.

This is a whole lotta change- more than I think I even realize sometimes and harder than I could have perceived.

But alas, we hang in there for yet another day.

Angry mad gyal

I like picking fights. I'm about to pick one now.

I've just made a playlist of all the loud and angry music I have in iTunes. Not in any mood for soft and sweet.

I'm running low on Dunhill Lights. Cigarettes aren't the only things I am running low on.

I am a pratical person. At least so I like to think. That's why I chose a field that was practical by verb and noun. So why have I chosen a relationship that is totally impractical on every level? Yes I kinda like the space, but in moments like this, I don't.

So now I am also a contradiction.

I am being stretched in a way that makes me wonder if I am really up for this...spreading love across the entire distance spanning the Middle East to the Caribbean. Do I have so much in me? Really? Well, it's trailing thin right about now.

I can't even have a face-to-face fight about my frustration. I can't even do it over the phone, because apart from the fact that my phone is dead and buried, it's 7:30 am where Easy Skanking Chef is, and if I know him, he went to bed at 4am and has to get up at 9 for another 16 hour day on his feet. So talking, venting, cussing, fighting, bawling, and kissing and making up are options removed.

All I can do is sit and sulk and write about it.

Sometimes I wish he was much older. Older men have the wisdom of experience to anticipate the onset of drama and have the sense to be around to face the music. No. this one is so damn oblivious. He is in his bed sleeping, dreaming nice dreams about me and him together and happy. Tschuups.

He's always so easy-going, waxing philosophical about the strength of our love whenever I go on one of my tirades. I don't want philosophy, I want vile verbal ejaculate!

I want a fight dammit! Full on roaring confrontation!

This distance sucks big fucking time.

If I had a hammer...

I remember that childhood song... "I'd hammer in the morning, I'd hammer in the evening, all over this land..."

It doesn't seem so long ago since those lyrics would burst from my lips a I took long showers and baths on Saturdays.

Then, I would have hammered out justice and freedom and love between my brothers and my sisters all over this land.

Now, I think I just want to hammer out sense into the heads of men who seem intent on wasting time fooling around and bullshitting everyone including themselves.

Why is it that all men seem to be in some sort of psychological deficit? And if it is so apparent to everyone else, why don't they seek some sort of remedy? I think the lot of them are intent on having mass parades featuring their dirty linen at the expense of the rest of us.

I honestly cannot stand men sometimes. I think that even the most mature of them are woefully childish.

Yes i am clearly upset about something.

Mr. Long Distance Love and I have had a falling out due to the fact that he seems to be flip flopping more than Bruce Golding and Karl Samuda combined.

So officially, mi vex.

I have absolutely no patience and tolerance for bullshit. Honestly, life is too short to hem and haw over things that are so damn simple. And they say women are complicated.