When it hurts so till... a song for the dead

I screamed when I heard
You were on my mind
I meant to call
Wanted to call
But couldn't find the words
Or the means

I chose gospel over cigarettes
I figured you would have wanted it so

I started cleaning
I took a shower
I sang
I cried

I cry alone
even now
Joy encircles my sadness
You lived a happy, meaningful life
Even if short
And you didn't suffer long

They good die young
And the rest of us try to find goodness
In what's left of us

RIP My dear Uncle.
May perpetual light shine brightly upon you as your shone on us.

Life and Love

I was avoiding the bandwagon because it seemed everyone had jumped on it and there was no space left. But alas, here is yet another story using the deceased king of pop to score points with fellow bandwagonists. Fun and joke aside, it is not the story of Michael Jackson, nor is it yet another sensationalised ending to a less than happy life, it is just an observation of deeply we seem to mourn those whom we never bothered to show love while they were alive.

It's easier to grieve openly over the loss of a loved one than to spend the time to cultivate that relationship and allow yourself to be used to bless that person's life and vice versa. After all, who is up for the self analysis, selflessness and growth it takes to reach out and touch other people's lives?

What is love anyway? How many of us who we claim to love are we really guilty of loving?

Rest in Peace Uncle Homer

My family is experiencing the first murder. Remote hills of Saint Mary in a place I couldnt call properly before I was 10. So beautiful and remote. Far from the hustle and bustle and crime of Kingston. Second murder ever, following one over 20 years ago. My grandmother's youngest sibling has been murdered. Mi chest tight. Really tight.

I having a bout with asthma over the past few days... and I have a project to complete today... so I cant really just let misself feel it... but bwoy... it dread. Over wha? Money? Bad Mind? Grudgeful? But God good. In all things. Even this. Give thanks. Just because him is God. And God alone.

To tell you the truth though... mi waan go home and cut a loud loud holla.

Revolving Door

I tell you...

It seems that my life has been a series of revolutions and revelations over the past year.

I have not posted because I have had intermittent internet access and when I actually can use the internet, I have a long backlog of things to complete.

There is so much to say...

My ex's mother has passed on. Aunty Sones, may your soul rest in peace. Sad times. I don't think I was fully prepared for it, or all the things it uprooted. But how can you know how you will react unless you are in fact feeling the fire?

Sigh

Alas, God grants us grace to deal with the most trying times.

I think I have some serious decisions to make though. No shirking them either. Tough decisions. Just waiting for the right time.

As they say in country churches, "Pray for me while I pray for myself in Jesus name."

Farewell Aunt Rosa aka "AnTrosa"

She the second of the women to die. "At Lou" (Aunt Lou), had died before her, during a time when I was still grieving the death of my 31 year old aunt, Cover (Ingrid Allison Anderson). While At Lou was stern, Aunt Rosa of plenty smiles was warm and doting.

She was my Sunday School teacher in that little pentecostal type country mountain church, Assemblies of the First Born, when I went to visit my granny in the summer as a child. I can still hear her soft kind voice urging us in the way of our Lord.. "Our golden text is take from... Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven."

We had to pass her house to walk to my granny so greetings were always in order. Its going to be really sad to not have to stop to talk to An Trosa anymore.

She died yesterday, leaving behind a host of memories, children, grandchildren and friends.

Walk good An Trosa, and may good duppy follow you.