Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Honeymoon done!

So dear heart, after nearly three weeks of marriage (feels more like 2 months), I am back on the scene.

It was a good thing to have had my energies concentrated where they should be during my hiatus. Why? Because what they say is true... this marriage thing is serious business!

I feel like for all intents and purposes of this blog, I am still somewhat of a single TwentySomething, just now in a more serious lifelong partnership... after all, I do not plan to lose my connection with single people and plus who said I would lose my individuality and identity?

The run down:

-We chose our rings together at the Old Gold Souk in Deira. Without even realising it, he chose mine and I chose his. We went for simple bands. His white gold and mine- yellow, white and red. Why? Cuz me come first, second and third!!! Imelda and I both independently told him that we should celebrate the simplicity of this first wedding every anniversary with a ring appropriate to pocket.

-He actually wears his ring all the time now... and delights in how it feels on his hand. He is obviously happy to be married- in more ways than one. As am I.

- We honeymooned in our studio. Three days. He had to go back to work to prepare tasting sessions and modifications for a new menu in his restaurant. His immediate boss resigned a couple of months ago and he has had to put in more hours to get the job done.

-We had a six course lunch on our wedding day in a fine dining restaurant in his hotel and went to KFC the next day for dinner. Yes we could have chosen some similarly cheap Arabic fast food joint, but the symbolism of dinner at the Colonel's is much more of a internationally understood nature. I have always thought of the charming the story that Rootical Flava told me once about a Jamaican couple who were not very well off financially but wealthy in love- they wanted to get married. Had no money for a wedding or even rings; they had the ceremony and went to KFC to celebrate. I guess my KFC juxtaposition to the 6 course fine dining meal is that we are together for better for worse, richer or poorer. And can I tell you? Fried chicken never tasted so good!

-We then went to a movie... a romantic one- God bless his heart- The Time Traveler's Wife.

-We kept on looking at our rings and asking each other "Did we really do it?" It was such a silly and cute and childlike enthusiasm that we shared that we were kind of like "Big people now, right? hehehehe"

-We ordered take out. I had thought we should have done touristy things before the wedding, but after everything, we just decided that the only sights we would be seeing were right before us. We stayed in. Cooked, drank champagne and then when that ran out went on to Vodka. I can vouch for him when he said he fell in love with me all over again after I cooked him Saltfish Rundown and Fried Dumplings to sweet perfection (bless Imelda for the dumpling refinement par excellence).

-We talked and talked and talked and talked and talked and talked and talked. Both in the literal and figurative sense. But seriously though, you wouldnt believe how much we spoke on our wedding night. Yes we consummated the marriage upon Imelda's swift instruction, but afterwards, we chatted like old friends about things you wouldn't believe!

-Not having family around was rough on us... but it made us focus on the fact that this relationship is just we and God and everybody else,.. has fundamental supporting roles, largely anchored in prayer and the blessings and the channeling of positive vibrations our way. Those who loved us were really there every step of the way lighting candles and singing sankeys and we felt the love and jubilation.

- I was going to cry when I was marching alone to the altar but then I saw how happy ESC was and thought... yes I was leaving my father and he was even able to be there to witness it, but I had a damn good man waiting for me at the altar. And he was 15 mins early to boot- a huge improvement over his father being 2 hours late for his parent's wedding!

-We experienced kindness from the most unexpected places and disappointment in those places that we thought we could depend on, but you know what? Such is life! We saw the hand of God working and weaving our little thatch roof of love over our heads so that we could be sheltered from the sun and the rain. It helped to reinforce the fact that our hopes are not based on man but on God from whence cometh our help. Everyone else is merely a vessel according to His design. All praises to Him for the provisions.

-We had blessings read by our families at the wedding ceremony and the lovely Anglican priest was obviously touched by the words of support, love and encouragement that our families had for us even though they were not physically present. It made us all realise that the church may be empty, but hearts were filled with love. Imelda wrote the one on behalf of my family and his middle brother wrote that from his.

- We had African congo drums, and the Reggae spiritual ballads of Buju Banton playing at points in the ceremony and the priest, who was once based in Nigeria for 10 years, was raising his hands and dancing and turning around in jollification. It was a sweet ceremony and you could feel the love. My only regret is that we didn't have it one video. Not to blow my own trumpet but it was a really lovely ceremony.

-Yes I was nervous. Yes I did let out a loud sigh right before I took ESC's arm at the altar. No I did not notice that he had on black socks with his outfit. As soon as I did (after the ceremony) I proceeded to ask him every so gently to remove them from his outfit that didn't call for socks. The one day that I wasn't around to dress the man!

- I was the frugal bride. I did my own hair, makeup, designed my gown, directed my wedding photo shoot and edited the photos. I selected yellow roses because of the significance of the friendship that we have maintained for nearly 15 years, which is the foundation of out marriage. All photo credits to Saleem Almas.

-ESC surprised me and arranged for a delectable chocolate wedding cake for us from his friend, who ran the restaurant that we dined for lunch because he couldn't let his wife not have a wedding cake because he knew fully well that her Ma is a master cake baker and decorator and no child of hers could have a wedding without a cake.

-Mother Hen was the first to call us after the ceremony ... with such joy and that she was almost singing when she told me "I was there! I was there! I dreamt I was there and me and your Aunty Thelma had on... and there were purple orchids...!" Funny enough, I did get a bouquet of purple orchids from a lovely Jamaican woman (who Imelda knows) the night before the wedding. The Spirit was in accord.

-Family was missed at the lunch table... we had no official reception so we are REALLY looking forward to the "Proper Jamaican Wedding & Reception" to follow next year.

- We have had to get back to the real world and deal with real world issues, but we have been making good headway in resolving our conflicts. We both strongly feel that we were created for each other. We both add significantly to each other's lives and challenge each other in ways that truly make us individually and collectively better for the wear.

- We pray and read the bible together, even in the middle of spats and huge disagreements and confrontations because we have to consult the Higher Power who is responsible for singular and plural.

- Yes, I can attest... sex is really better after you get married!

-We have agreed to go to marriage counseling to help to ease us into the transition of marriage and to reconcile small things before they become bigger things. The first year of marriage is the hardest and we are committed to doing everything we can to build a strong foundation from the get go. Often times, I feel that by the time many couples go into counseling, the marriage is already over because irreparable damage has already been done. As we say in Jamaica, "Prevention better than cure."

- We have married friends to spend time with and learn from (with seemingly happy unions) and this is a good thing. We also have two older married friends from church who have been at it longer and who have taken us up in mentorships of sort.

-We go to church together and even attending sermon two days after the wedding as part of our honeymoon.

I have seen that in so many ways, this is the relationship and marriage that I have prayed for all these years. It humbles me to know that I have been so supremely blessed. Yes there are challenges, and yes there are growing pains, but ultimately, this is a union so wonderfully blessed by God. Together we are truly stronger.


The Cloudcutter said...

This was so bittersweet for me. So many little things took me back in time. The talking and talking and talking on the wedding night, looking at rings and saying, "Did we really do this?"
I smiled a little and cried a little while reading this.

Marriage counselling is a very good idea. Often, when the damage has already been done, one partner is always adamant and doesn't want to go.
You're right, being married is serious business. One tiny slip and it can all blow up in your face.
I like your spirit and attitude. Don't ever take each other for granted, work at it, and remember sometimes, love really just ain't enough!
Love and Hugs :-)

Sheer Almshouse said...


We trying... but I can tell you.. it's really good to be back here.

I missed you all!

Kathy said...

Now that's the way to it. Good, good example for all those who have nuff excuses.

Bodhisattva Harlem Mama said...

I needed this. So beautiful and so blessed. Having faith when taking these journeys in life shows me how beautiful and god blessed all can become...with patience, faith, love and blessings. I love you, girl. And I am proud of you. And I hope you beautiful love rubs off on me. It's my turn to find my patient, adoring, loving, gentle and inspiring mate.

Azikiwe said...

"... sex is really better after you get married!..."

well it must be really exceptional, cause all now, mi caan tell di difference...


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