Monday, August 23, 2010

The Inner Struggle: Fighting the postulation of political correctness

If only I could bring myself to write what is truly on my heart, I doubt anyone would find me worth loving. It is the most unforgivable thing and people are not redeemed for speaking such things out loud. My entire being wants to scream out the dirty little secrets and hang all that filthy laundry out so that I can gas it and light it and watch it burn. Mine is a fire sign. I fancy playing with it. Burning changes matter from one form to another. Nothing like fire to incite fan the flame of a revolution.

Monday, August 09, 2010

30 Candles

For my initial celebration, I worked out and drank a protein shake as planned. Have to credit ESC for pushing me to workout though because I was 'punking' out. I did Power 90 Fat Burning Express because Tony Horton was the first trainer that I worked out with via DVD and I still love most.

For the past few months, I have had the following stickies on our bathroom mirror:
"Best @ 30"
"Exercise is NON-negotiable"
"Look and feel your best"
"Love me more"

ESC says they are now all true. He says I am slimmer now than when I arrived a year ago and he is VERY proud of me not only for taking my health and fitness in hand, but also for challenging him to stay on the straight and narrow. Working out together is almost as important as praying and eating together on our bonding list. I am not at goal yet, but for the first time, I think I am closer than I ever was -even though I still have more to lose than any other time. Why? Because for the first time, I have a formula that is working for me: I have the support of a life partner who is also committed to pushing himself as well as me; a diet that works for me and that I can stick to for life and an online support group that makes me connected to a wider community of people improving themselves and others.

Because I have made such positive changes, I can be happy about reaching this milestone birthday. I am happy because I have spent a lot of time and hard work nurturing and protecting my happiness by attending to balance my mind, body and spirit. I have spent the time and energy re-defining who I am and how I see myself in the wake of a sea of change. I have tapped into my core and found a direct connection to my Source. I have given love with all my heart and received more than I can contain. I have less trappings, but more spritual wealth and peace of mind than any money could buy.

So, on this my thirtieth birthday, I can sit and look on my life and say with authenticity, "This is the life!"

Sunday, August 08, 2010

My last TwentySomething Day

My Update in a Nutshell:

1. Less than 24hrs. Today is my LAST Day as a TwentySomething. I turn 30 at midnight. I have 12 more hours on my clock of being a 20somthing. I think I better turn on the music and shake my booty and dance with the broom!

2. Arabian Princess. Last night I pierced my nose. Always wanted to do it but put it off till I was 30 because I felt I wanted to do something "big" for my 30th! I have this huge medicated stud in there now but am having a tiny custom diamond stud made.

3. Teacher Teacher. Yesterday Saturday I accepted a job to teach Kinder 3. I will be a Kinder teacher for the next few months. I am happy that I made the decision because I think it will open me up to more experiences and my life will be enriched because of it. No point in staying home doing nothing while waiting to get a job in my field. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

4. Sweetie Come Brush Me. I have come off my Stevianna sweetener because I really don't know what is in it. I find that some products in this region really have iffy labeling. I know something has been stalling me and I have been using it for a few months. It is still better than the Agave and honey and sugar I used to consume, but I think I need to just eliminate it in order to see what is happening. I started using it because I heard it was the most natural sweetener but it isn't just stevia in the packets and I dont know what else is in there so I think I am better off with Splenda for now and even to reduce the amount of sweeteners I consume daily-period.

5. Non-dairy queen. I am going to cut down on my dairy and then cut it out for a while (after I have finished my sizeable stock of cheeses and cream). If dairy gives me sinus issues, it must be causing some inflammation which cannot be good for weight loss. I am really hesitant to give it up though, which is why it has taken me sooooooooo long. But I have no regrets. Yes I would have undoubtedly lost more weight if I had cut out dairy and sweeteners completely but I couldn't drop everything all at once and be successful with this nutritional approach for a LIFETIME. Sometimes you have to pace yourself and phase some things out. Otherwise, you could run the risk of just jumping off the wagon totally when you reach to goal because you did not reach there in a manner that was SUSTAINABLE!

6. Sweaty Mess. I will be ringing in my birthday exercising! I will be having a Sweaty Mess Party with ESC and then a protein shake to toast in a decade of health, fitness and self-actualization!

Thursday, August 05, 2010

My last TwentySomething Weekend

I will be 30 on Monday. Until then, I am still 29!

Filling in the blanks

My granny is very ill and is in hospital.

Diagnosis- rectal cancer.
Prognosis- good. hasn't spread. Likely to have full recovery after surgery and chemo.

And so it is.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010


This is one of those times when reality collides with you and you fall... stunned.
I know it needs to be said. I just don't know how.
My stomach is nervous. I have no appetite.
Cigarettes don't do it for me anymore.
I want to cry but I fear I won't be able to stop.
I am alone.
Tick, tock, life goes on - this world- not bothered by such peripheral things.
Yet I am still.
Too heavy to move and my tongue too laden to lighten with speech
Whoever promised words would be enough?
I wish I had a shoulder to lean on. I have but four walls and a bed.
I still can't say it.
I am too afraid.
That is what it is.
I am scared shitless.
Lord, if it not be too much, please let this cup pass.

One Moment in Time: My ThirtySomething Prayer

Pic of me in a burqa/ abaya in the Grand Mosque, Abu Dhabi, 2010

This is my song and prayer for the decade I am about to enter. I find it prayerful... the lyrics fraught with the agony of anticipation. This is the decade that I really hone in on my destiny and purpose. This is the decade where my life takes on greater meaning in my community and profession. I am on the brink. Something really good is going to happen to me. Something so big that God had to dig trenches inside me to deal with the overflow. I have been prepared for my moment. I stand, quiet, humble, ready.

One Moment in Time
written by Albert Hammond and John Bettis
recorded by Whitney Housto

Each day I live
I want to be
A day to give
The best of me
I'm only one
But not alone
My finest day
Is yet unknown

I broke my heart
Fought every gain
To taste the sweet
I face the pain
I rise and fall
Yet through it all
This much remains

I want one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity

I've lived to be
The very best
I want it all
No time for less
I've laid the plans
Now lay the chance
Here in my hands

Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity

You're a winner for a lifetime
If you seize that one moment in time
Make it shine

Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will be
I will be
I will be free
I will be
I will be free

I was eight years old when this song was recorded. "It was written for and appears on the album 1988 Summer Olympics Album: One Moment in Time. The track is an anthem for believing in yourself against all odds". -Wikepedia

It is still as relevant to me now at this juncture in my life as it was when I was eight years old and watching others chasing their dreams and racing with their destiny. Now, it is simply my time.
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