Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Long distance relationship=purgatory

"Long distance relationship" (LDR) is the politically correct term for purgatory.

This is my definition. My chat. I'm not taking it back

Here's why:

1. You have the man (or woman)...but not really

2. As lovely as long calls are, they usually come with a longer bill. So, they best serve the phone company.

3. They also serve the airlines- whether by frequent flights if the distance is not so long, or by hefty ticket prices if you happen to live four planes away. I do.

4. Telephone calls and short visits cannot make up for actually being together. If not in the same space, at least in the same place.

5. Skype doesn't work in every country (nor other VOIP companies). Like the United Arab Emirates. Revisit #2

6. Believe it or not, you can get used to the distance. Which can make coming together long-term anything but a happy ending

7. Due to #6, you essentially lead separate lives, and join only on limited terms. Essentially, it can be a relationship between two very single people.

8. There is always the possibility, no matter how small, than on one too many cold, lonely nights, after one too many advances of some predator who has no respect for the fact that LDRs are really relationships, things can well...happen.

9. They are not for the faint-hearted, weak minded, jealous types. Neither are they for those without self-restraint.

10. The conversation can be a little repetitive. Outside of being your personal journal, recounting all the happenings in your separate single lives, just how many ways can you say "I miss you?"

11. There is no sex. And cyber sex can never replace the real thing.

12. The lack of casual physical connection and acts of endearment makes people "channel hugs." How do you really send a hug over the phone, chat applet or email?

13. Every visit, though blissful, will come to a very depressive end.

So why do I do it?

Because, purgatory is halfway between heaven and hell. So close to hell that you know the risks, but so damn close to heaven that you continue to pray to the saints to beam you up.

If, and only if the relationship is grounded and centred on seriously common ground and there is a definitive end to the separation in sight, it can work. But only with lots of dirty, hard, grimy work.

Relationships are worse than algebra anyway you take it. If however, you feel like this could be or is "it" then, it is by all means worth the wait.

Furthermore, you get to be single in a relationship! Just be sure to really define what that "single" means for BOTH of you :)


Azikiwe said...

i understand the LDR situation very well but hang in there, besides it seems to be provoking the artist in you !

your photos for this blog really echo a "restrained sensual intensity" ...whew !..let me get a fan ;-)

Sheer Almshouse said...

I feel that it has too. I am not certain if I could attribute it to the distance, the fact that I am just at peace knowing I have a man who loves me and isn't afraid to show it, or just because I am a soul filled with a burden whose time has come (to be released).

Maybe it is all of the above.

And if so, then I can officially declare Easy Skanking Chef as my muse.

I need me a macro lens.

Azikiwe said...

I would tick "all of the above" as well.I can't wait to see the moods you capture with macro lens...

Sheer Almshouse said...

I have been reviewing some and I have settled on the Nikkor 105mm. This is prime pro glass. It's out of stock at B& H Photovideo but that is probably a good thing as I cannot afford to get two glasses upfront (what with pro body and other immediate accessories).

I am getting a, 18-200mm semi pro and will later add a pro wide 14-24mm and that 105mm macro baby...along with the speedlight flash.

The good thing with the one I am getting is that it will still give me the capacity to shoot in low light, and when that fails..theres a built in flash.

Truth is that night life here is usually inside rather than outside and apart from bars and home gatherings, non-existent.

I am also contemplating offering myself as a volunteer photographer for the red cross which shoulc/could give me access to people and environments that I couldn't on my own.

SHould make for interesting shots.

There is so much beach one can shoot isn't there?

Azikiwe said...

you right ,where the beaches concerned-good luck on the Red Cross project ...

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