Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Signs of the times

I had a real conflict about whether or not to wash my face and brush my teeth before leaving the apartment for work this morning.

Luckily the issue of bathing was a no-brainer. A fresh coat of Powder Fresh Mitchum Clear Gel for Women would suffice.

I wear black everyday.

I had my first cooked meal for the first time in days yesterday, eating less than half of my already reduced portion size, and feeling full and sick because meat and rice were too complex for taste buds covered in smoke and no longer used to anything but crackers and cereal.

My idea of healthy eating is taking echinacea and vitamins to ward off complex vitamin deficiency.

When I don't talk to Easy Skanking Chef, its like my world goes into a tailspin.

I call my cousin hollering "I want to come home" in the wee hours of the morning.

I called another friend, with the same behaviour, triggering him to follow up with a call early this morning encouraging me to try to have a nice day.

The days are OK enough, I just go throuh the motions. It's the lonely nights that are unpredictable.

If there was a flight leaving at midnight last night and money in my purse I would have truly left.

I haven't washed my hair in so long that I can't remember and my idea of styling my otherwise beautiful locks is to pull them back into a chignon daily.

My toenails are projecting out about a quarter inch and I could not care less. The cracked clear nailpolist and bits of white left over from a two month old pedicure are testimony of better times.

My heels scratch my sheet and my legs at night, even though I have a salon-type pumice thing in the bathrooom. I have no desire to change that.

I have carried the same handbag everyday for the past 10 weeks.

I have worn less than 10 pairs of shoes everyday for the past 10 weeks.

I go home and lock my door and only talk to my neighbour if I see her. I never go looking. Not even when I am out of salt. I just delay cooking the already seasoned curry goat until the shops open the next day.

I just want to curl up in bed and cry and sleep.


Anonymous said...

If you are standing on the pomises, how can you be revelling in the misery?
Wash your foot, rub down the heel, you are too strong and beautiful to allow those who are less to take you down.
Reminds me of my time in Falmouth, when I started wearing yard clothes to the office. Mama put a stop to that, when she reminded me that I used to look like a magazine model ... she actually said "like yu step out of Vogue"
Fearfully and wonderfully made!
Cut the damn toenails and cutex dem
Tidy yuself nice and step out, use the lemons and make margaritas... we too dainty for plain soso lemonade.
Work like you are in the President's team, tun yu han mek fashion with the limited resources.

Can you pray while you are expressing all these negatives?

Powder and Mitchum to cover an unwashed cocobread? Not a backside!

Get a grip, and get it quick. (No, I don't mean pack your grip)

Sorry fi self naw wear... it went out with Lada.

Bodhisattva Harlem Mama said...

sniff. thinking of you. But you know what? You feel worse when you let yourself go. Lord knows that place is unpredictable. You better take advantage of that hot water while you have it. Give yourself love. Know that during this time you're writing very well. You're practicing your gifts. I do hope you fall in love, get married and move far far away from that island soon. That's just my wish. I hope it comes true. I've never seen you so miserable, like EVER.

Anonymous said...

K-dumplins... when things turn around you are going to be so ecstatic! Damn those that try to steal your joy. They do so because they are unhappy souls. Misery loves company right? If we need to remind you who you are, what you stand for for and where you come from, just say the word... one of the hundreds of cousins you have will only be too happy to do so. Pick your self up and smile dammit - cuz this is just temporary!!
Love you ;)

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