Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Dry weather friends

I have noticed over the past few weeks that Sister of the Motherland and Neighbour have cultivated a rather secret friendship in my absence.

Sister of the Motherland would come for me on the way to work in the mornings before I got my car and she started doing that for Neighbour when I decided to stay with another friend for greater convenience of running water and electricity. Note that this invitation had also been extended to Neighbour, but she preferred to stay put except for one holiday weekend when she joined me mainly for the purpose of ironing a suitcase of clothes.

Note well that I have absolutely no problem with two separate friends becoming friends on their own upon being introduced by me. What I have a problem with is the secrecy surrounding that friendship.

I was to visit Sister of the Motherland one evening for some work-related issue and on my way to her house, I called her and she belted that she was not there. She never said where she was, which was unusual, but I left it at that and drove home. Upon reaching home, I saw her leaving Neighbour’s apt.

I just find the secrecy strange and very uncomfortable. It makes me very wary of them both.

I have been calling Sister of the Motherland all weekend because I was supposed to take her children but she did not reply. I had stopped by her home on Friday and she was not there. Yesterday, it was her daughter who answered her cell phone. This morning, she drives to my house to pick up Neighbour.

Writing this down has made the whole thing seem even more convoluted and unnecessary. There is no reason for grown people to behave like children.

I guess this comes with the territory of finding yourself in a different place, far removed from your established friendships. You are forced to make new friends. It took me years to develop some of my closest friendships, and only one (with Imelda # 2) sprung up over night. Most of my “friends” are family. Why did I think I could make real friends in the space of three months?

So, I have decided that these two persons are merely associates and I have only made one real friend here. His, is the place in which I sought refuge for over a month.

Neighbour and I are friendly because we live in a duplex and Sister of the Motherland and I work together. She needs me to do her work well, and I need her to mitigate some of the politics of the office.

I figure that if I keep things that simple and lower my expectations, I will neither be surprised nor disappointed when I discover that loyalty and honesty

Not the nicest place to be but welcome to the real world.


Would you be uncomfortable if your friends have a secret friendship that you do not know about?


Anonymous said...

All kinds of things happen in people's minds. Maybe they felt that you 'separated' and so clung to each other. Maybe the age difference is coming to the fore, please understand that it takes a special intellect to be friends with someone younger, more vibrant and beautiful than one is, without insecurities. Sometimes you also have to review friendships to see if the cost/benefit work out.
Me? I would just ask them, devoid of emotion, what the f**k is happening here. Most importantly, never let anyone, (not even me :), feel that they are indispensible in your life. There is an old poem called "the water cure" I will find it.

Sheer Almshouse said...

Is it this one?

As a child I set the freedom down

Guided my life about
I believed what you said when you said you loved me
Tried to smile I spent my life on trial

Another broken child

I pretend it's o.k. when you lie to love me

You're the wolf outside my door
And I swear you're waiting to break my soul

Don't you know?

I tried to live I tried to die

Placed your hands over my life
You tried to run you tried to hide

You're the watercure of life
As a man I played the game again
I tried to call you friend

As you kick in my face while you say you trust me

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