Early to bed

I am going to bed now. 6:30pm on a Sunday evening. There is nothing to do, and I dont want anything to do.

I went to bed after 3 this morning watching Sex and the City. I watched seasons 3 & 4 between fri and sat. Woke up at midday today.

I got really lonely last night. I even managed to cry myself to sleep.

Old ghosts came back haunting, displacing the little equilibrium I managed to find over the past two days.

Have only eaten crackers, vienna sausage from the tin and solomon gundy and cereal. Have no apetite even though I cooked a chicken wing recipe for Easy Skanking Chef. I could only manage to bring myself to taste the sauce but I have a pot of chicken wings that I have no interest in eating.

I smoked 1 1/2 packs of cigarettes between yesterday and today.

I just feel tired.

I am going to have some lemonade and head to bed and dream of the white light shining at the end of this tunnel.

I know I have a bright future ahead of me... I see glimpses of it through my spiritual eye.

Until then, I live in each moment.