Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Addendum to "Signs of the time"

Don't get me wrong- I still manage to look fabulous heading to work in the mornings. And I did shower the night before... and it was a cold night. I did not stink. Even this morning I was asked if I was a model at work.

And you know what, my boss' secretary thinks I am so fab that she has been wearing black everyday too!

What is lacking is the finer detailing that I am used to, which have been carefully disguised.

Even the harp playing David had his moments of distress " My God, my God why hast thou foresaken me." (Psalm 22)

And so, I decided to be honest and open about this emotional roller coaster that I have found myself on. It's grimy yeah, but it's good to get it out there. There is something to be said about seeing stuff in black and white. I am not depressive by nature, I just have my waves. And I am honest with myself and have given myself permission to feel my emotions-good and bad and express them-good and bad.

I don't wallow. I can't even stand being sad for too long. But there is something about giving yourself license in the moment that makes the next, better, even happy moment that much more fulfilling.

Venting here and at home free me up to be queen of the charade in public. Otherwise, I could either have a meltdown or a screaming session in the middle of a meeting.

Essentially, this is group therapy. Welcome friends and passers by. My name is Sheer Almshouse and I am a realist, as schizophrenic as this might all sound.



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