Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The past that haunts

I dreamed about him again. The one who shattered my heart into a million pieces- damage that has taken days, weeks, months, years of surgery, psycho and physio therapy to regain a semblance of normalcy. But like a survivor or trauma, I have flashbacks that deeply unnerve me. They happen in my dreams.

It's easy to be collected when conscious, but it is in the realm of the unconscious that I seem to unravel.

It was a pure love. A true love. One that desired nothing but validation. But how can one be validated by another who cannot validate himself?

His words seem to haunt me like a curse: "No matter where you are, whether you are married, I will find you." The selfish bastard who could not see beyond himself. I have let him go in tangible ways. I made him take me to the airport when I first migrated from Jamaica. I knew it was our final goodbye. He was the major reason why I wanted so badly to leave my country and settled for the Island Behind God's Back. We do not speak. I have nothing to say. I have asked him not to make any contact. But still... he haunts like a curse.

I am over him. I certainly don't want him back. I just haven't been able to forget. I am not certain that is such a bad thing. It's just fucking annoying.

2 comments:

The Masker said...

I know exactly what ur talking about and feeling. Remember "Time is the forgetter" - how much time is up for debate. You have 'let him go' but have you forgiven him of what you consider his wrongs? That too may be the reason for the 'haunting'.
Whichever way you tek it, the devil trying to crash your party - Put out rat bait!!!

Girl Interrupted said...

This one is painstakingly familiar...sigh.

 
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