Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Burn baby burn

I struggled through the weights routine this morning. Again...the problem was all in my chest. I got so damn frustrated with it that I actually walked around and picked up all lighters and stray boxes of cigarettes and put them in a bag, tied it and threw it into the closet of the spare room.

I am not making anymore pronouncements about quitting, especially since cold turkey hasn't worked in the past for me, but I know that something has got to give. These namby pamby workouts are not cutting it for me and I am tired of feeling like I have just been punched in the chest.

I have been researching quitting aids and I am going to try and get one as soon as possible so that I can have my damn lungs back. I developed asthma roughly three years ago (time flies when you're having fun) so it really scares the shit out of me. Adult asthma is not something to play with because there is no landmark in terms of knowing exactly when you may just keel over and die. Having it in childhood makes an asthmatic better able at managing the illness but a significant chunk of asthma-related deaths seem to occur in adults and it seems that they tend to go in their sleep.

This is rather scary stuff...especially since I have been battling a bout for a week today. I dont usually suffer for so long. Then again, my doctors would have usually given me more intensive treatment. I think I may need to resume the daily puff for a while.

The heat also seems to stir it up. I feel like I cant breathe when it gets too hot. Newsflash for the girl heading to Dubai: get a grip VERY SOON. Being fit significantly improves one's ability to handle extreme weather conditions and fit I most certainly am not.

Imelda is concerned also and for the explicit reason that I am feeling tightness in my chest every time I have smoked in the past week and feel the need to follow up with the pump. Not good. Also not good that I live alone.

But we'll get through this.

I wasn't ready to give it up yet...but if it is making me sick and posing a threat to my life, then it really isnt worth it.

Maybe I can try to use exercise and yoga to get through the withdrawal since one sure replacement is out of my reach, due to the absence of a certain Easy Skanking Chef


Kathy said...

Is it fair for me to cuss you raw about your habit when I have one of my own which is just as deadly although not the same thing?

If it is and since I don't really 'cuss' imagine being cussed by a mix of Anthony Miller, Soljie, Christine Hewitt (pre-death) and any other person you rate as a good cusser and dat is me 'letting you have it' re your bad habit. :-)

Keep the faith babe - you can do it!!

Azikiwe said...

Throw away the bag with the cigarrette and lighter totally !...throw away the pump too...go and train and whenever you get the "weasies" ,do not STOP keep going...mind over matter take extra deep breaths and keep going...I had Asthma for 18 years and got over it with a fitness regimen and diet adjustments !

Sheer Almshouse said...

Trust me guys, I will quit soon. Cant kick it totally just yet though.

I hear you on the asthma pump though. I stopped using it and my chest stopped feeling like it was going to burst.

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