Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Make average great

The Journey through the countryside, Jamaica.

I have been watching a lot of Oprah... isn't that what houswives do? In fact, I watch a lot of TV generally. It helps to pass the hours between rising and falling and breaks the monotony of cleaning and cooking. I could also add ironing to list but I guess it's safe to say that hell is more likely to freeze over. But then again... I am a housewife so hell may already be an ice skating rink. Anyway, back to Oprah. I watched an old espisode yesterday about people's first jobs. Suzie Orman was featured along with Oprah, Kirstie Allen and Martina McBride and Orman said something that struck a chord with me: " When you make average great, your dreams can become a reality." Profound huh? Made me think long and hard. So I'ma take my best shot at being the best at what I do and all that I do. I may just be down to being wife, housewife and occasional photographer and afro hair stylist now, but I can really do each task to the best of my abilities and derive profound joys out of simple tasks.

I have been cycling for the past two days on ESC's bike. I have to readjust the seat because I am a tad shorter than he is but that is just fine by me. After all, it is waaaay more scenic and lots easier to ride on properly paved roads and cobbled sidewalks than it was to navigate the loose marl on the Island Behind God's Back. Not even a mountain bike could help.

Last night I rode to the supermarket and back. I had to pic up some blank CDs to present final proof of photo shoot to client and a toothbrush for ESC. I had used his to get rid of bubble gum off his jeans (I told you I was taking this housewife thing seriously). I also picked up a mouse to relieve the pressure in my hand when using the computer.

For some strange reason, I have been remembering a LOT of things from childhood and adulthood. It's weird. It seems that my brain finally has had a chance to relax and so all these forgotten memories are rising into my consciousness. What is really great about it is that they are mostly good memories and I am even remembering feelings about particular events, places, people and circumstances. I am also remembering my childhood dreams.

One of the things that hit me just yesterday was that I got my first production assistant summer job because I dressed up in my best fitting black jeans, boots and jeans jacket, combed my hair nicely and marched to CPTC to see Mr. Wycliff Bennett without an appointment. I told him that having begun presenting CPTC's Rappin', the teen TV show, I wanted to get a better feel of the entire production process and he gave me the job on the spot. HR found out about me a week or two later and was kinda upset but by the time I was about to leave, Mrs. Dujon got enough reviews about me to ask me to stay on. It was the same for getting into journalism school. I never cared about protocol. I just went and presented myself and I never failed that way.

Turns out that at 16, I knew better than to leave my future up to yet another letter in a huge pile. I knew I could be more commanding in person at the beginning of an executive's day than I would after letter number 63. So why on earth am I sending out all these job applications now? Television is a visual medium. People have to see you, and engage with you to feel you and they have to feel you to hire you. The letter only accompany's you on the morning that you make your unannounced visit.

I am realizing that this time at home is teaching me invaluable lessons about myself and helping me to tackle some core issues. I think that somehow, the confident 16 yo has lost some of her confidence along the way. A little dulling here and there and a little smalling up here and there to make room for those who are not so confident to not feel threatened by me and also to make people like me. Maybe maturity calls for some level of reticence but I have also restricted my own personality in the process.

I think deep down, I am not ready for a job yet. I think I need a few more months to sort through all these things that are now coming to me and to get centred and to find my footing. Something huge is about to happen to me. I can feel it. I am about to come into my own. But something tells me that I have to be still and find my peace before my dreams become my reality.



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