Saturday, January 24, 2009

Love and Salt Water Don't Mix

This long distance relationship thing is getting, shall we say, a little complicated?

And according to my first boyfriend, with whom I am still friends, it may be due to the fact that "Love and salt water don't mix."

I thought that our case was different, that we had the resolve, the commitment, the passion and the means to defy our critics and become the trophy couple for Relationships Beyond National Borders, but now, I am not so certain.

It's not that I have fallen out of steam from my new wave of optimism and divine centredness, it's just that reality has hit in some rather astounding ways.

First of all, I am not certain that I really want to pick myself up and move to Dubai. It seems so damn retrograde. I have a life... albeit a very boring one based on this Island Behind God's Back, but my life and career are mine... and not to be easily sacrificed for the sake of joining with another.

Second of all.. so does he. And as Dubai goes, its way more exciting than anything that this place provides, short of me putting up a pole in the bedroom.

So he's there.

I'm here.

I have second thoughts about going.

I am not certain if I want him to come.

And one helluva lot of sea lies between the indecision.


Azikiwe said...

...hmmm ,never saw this one ,but I fully support the pole in the bedroom ! ;-)

Kathy said...

I love the phrase. This is why people seh long distance relationships don't work. But the opposite is also true. This is what makes some relationships work. You have to decide what is right, good, healthy for YOU. And it won't be easy. Maybe easier than we htink, but not easy. Just don't over think it.

PS: It doesn't even have to make sense.

Michelle said...

I met my husband on the internet, not looking for that at all. I was looking for information and a chance to talk to interesting people, I never expected to fall in love with one of them - one of them on the other side of the planet!

I learnt that you really do get to know each other better through words, as long as you both keep it honest. I learnt that it HURTS more than you can breathe to not be able to reach out and touch a hand, let alone kiss a face. I learnt I was stronger than I thought. I learnt that the most important things you need are a sense of humour and the ability to adapt.

We were face with the choice of him joining me in Africa or me joining him in Scotland. Neither was perfect, both had pros and cons. We chose Scotland because I'd just lost my job in Africa and he'd just started being self-employed in Scotland. AS it turned out his business crashed and died and we struggled a LOT, but we got through it and yeah, all the stuff your folks tell you about struggles making you stronger/closer really can be true.

Good luck with your own choices - which you might have made by now, since I'm prowling through older posts!

Sheer Almshouse said...


Both do have lots of pros and cons. The major on each side of the atlantic is that we would be together. It's the cons that make you go..."whoa..wait a minute."

He has been tremendously supportive of my desire to "do me," which in this case prolongs our separation but allows me to stand firm in love as opposed to fall and drown in love.

He recognises that if I am happy, we are happy and that gives me even more fuel to burn my way into realising some of my most passionate dreams.

So I am staying put until the end of my current contract here on The Island Behind God's Back, which comes to a finale in May 2010.

Plus the world economy is in one lovely pile of dinosaur mess so we are individually better off where we still have an income.

But the honest writing does help..even more than talking sometimes. Just how many times and in how many ways can you say "I miss you" and "I love you?"

And there is trust.

I would not have even attempted this transatlantic love affair with anyone else. And he trusts me, as he should.

As we say in Jamaica, "rain a fall, but dutty tough." TRANSLATION: It's raining, but the ground is still dry. So yes, it's rough, and again, I will agree with you. What does not kill you makes you stronger. The Irish say "What is for you, won't go by you."
Either way, if we rise from this struggle together, we would have successfully laid the platform for fighting storms together. And that's what lifetime partnership is about.

Hard but necessary pill to swallow.

Sheer Almshouse said...

I meant to reply to both Kathy and Michelle in the last post.

Azikiwe, more often than not, is off on a rather hilarious tangent. But I will consult your master engineering services should I ever decide to erect a pole in my bedroom :)

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