Friday, January 30, 2009

New year's resolution

So often, I have contemplated WHAT ON EARTH is a 28 yo woman doing here... in the height of her singular development (no husband and pickininies)... just wasting away in a place so remote that it might as well be labeled "the prison of paradise"

Its a great place to vacation with a romantic interest... or to reconnect when life gets in the way of the love... or just to retire... but...I have been finding it difficult to LIVE. That said, I have grown soooooooooooooooo much since I have come here... significantly on a personal level.

I have much time to examine me, and challenge me, and get more aware of me and what me wants.

So I am finding my truth, and in so doing, finding my way.

I have also been able to let go of the toxic relationships and in so doing, I have attracted a most wonderful man to me. He is my longtime friend. And we are happy. But he is in Dubai and I am here. So, while we scheme and plot and plan to be together in the same place, I am doing me.

I have had to dig DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP down to find my own source of happiness.

I am putting myself in a position to be able to truly explore what makes me happy career wise. I am not sure if I am loving PR or maybe its just the assignments that I have had in PR (corporate and private sectors are straight jackets). I want more meaningful work. I feel a strong desire to tap into my artistic and creative core. I want to write, photograph, travel, broadcast, produce direct. I am a creative. I am an artist.

My only resolution this year is..

"to stop putting my square raasclaat peg into a round hole."

As I peel away the layers, I become freer, happier, because, I am getting much closer to just being me.

It's hard, it's rough, but ultimately, this pruning will be the cause of much personal growth.

To have no family or close friend means to lack the very affection and warmth that I am accustomed to and thrive on. Even a hug means so much more now than it did before.

So..essentially this assignment... this whole isolation bit has been quite appropriately, "A Journey into Me"

So yes, the blessings are indeed aplenty and they truly overflow.

Give God thanks for grace.


Azikiwe said...

...I promise you, you'll become so much a Woman of indomitable spirit after this "journey", that you will actually be able to positively change something in this world...even a minute change can make all the difference...

Sheer Almshouse said...

If I continue to see changes in me, then my world will be affected. My world may be limited now, but one thing I have learned is that all things are connected.

I am liking the changes... and enjoying the journey, taking both good and bad in strides.

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