Sunday, June 20, 2010

Of father's day, mother's day, parenting and all that jazz

Today is Father's Day- the lesser day to mother's day because fathers are more often taken for granted because of their inability to carry and nurse their own children. That bears reflection.

Is the burden of the father any less than that of the mother? Are all mothers equal? Are all fathers equal? Are mothers and fathers equal in their contribution to the lives of their children? "But why do so many fathers desert their children?" You may ask. Well, what of those women who themselves desert their young?

Different people facing circumstances only they can appreciate react differently than we sometimes hope. But such is life. Some of us have to make up for the absentee father or mother. Some, both. Some of us are orphaned by life, brought and left into the world by their parents. So it begs another question.

Who is a parent? One who performs a biological act or one who goes through the inexact social science of trying to raise a well-adjusted human being? How about both? The biologist performs an essential role in giving the social scientist tangible subjects to work with. Maybe that was all he was meant to do. It may have been your mother or granny who "fathered" you but understand that you are no less off than anybody else. Yes it would have been nice to have a father around, but trust me, if your father knew to walk away, he probably loved you more than you think. Still too many children get stuck with parents they would have been better without, impairing them for life.

So, this father's day, say a prayer for the one who brought you into the world, no matter if he is absent, dead, or in prison. He is half the reason you are here. He is half the reason you are and are not. Forgive the fathers who hurt because now is the time to make peace for you as well as for your own children.

I know some people have been hurt deeply by their parents-father and mother. Some directly, others or us indirectly. However, there comes a point in your adult life after we assess them as adults and find their sum wanting, that we just have to accept that parents do the best they know how.

So many of them battled all sorts of drama. We are an evolving race, so every generation gets a chance to learn from the last and yet we are still prone to making mistakes of our own as well as repeating those of generations past.

I was talking to a cousin today and she said.. "I had to forgive my parents and set them free because God knows, one day, I will be asking my own children for the same." She is spot on. Forgiveness is the only key fitted to break the cycle.


Azikiwe said...

"...still too many children get stuck with parents they would have been better without, impairing them for life...."

I always say-
If one is not interested in being a PARENT, please don't don't add to the societal problem by becoming a BREEDER...


Sheer Almshouse said...


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