Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Que Sera Sera is the antithesis of Carpe Diem

I have gone about my entire life siezing every blasted day... you know the metaphors- holding bulls by horns and taming dragons. It seemed like the most active, purposeful way to live. Isn't it what we tell our children? Sieze the day! Time waits on no man! Strive! Run until your heart bursts in your chest, then run some more! Aim higher, be better. More is better. Bigger is better. Louder is better. I managed to do well in the broadcast and marketing communication field with that innate fair for grandeur and the cultivation desire for seizing the heck out of days, and jobs.

Then a funny thing happened- nothing.

Without a job, I could either spend my entire days in pursuit of one (which I did for months everytime I panicked) or I could just sit, be quiet, and listen.

Hmmn. Doesn't jump at you as an active and purposeful way to live does it? You remember the "Pick your battles" anecdote? Apply it here.

I learned that once I was focused on just finding my centre and grounding mysel, I didn't have to worry about the noise that cluttered my mind. I could swim through it and find my moment of peace in it. Once I was fixed, I could walk on water. Everytime I panicked, I sent out a resume. When I am fixed, I realise I am happy, and that my life is fuller than ever before and that even though I may have a lot less, I have so much more. When I am fixed, I accept that my life and every step in it is ordered and that I will eventually reach every landmark in the journey that I was meant to... including work. Once I am fixed, I don't worry about defining myself solely by my work, but my ability to renew, change and transform, reaching higher levels of glory. Once I am fixed, getting a job for the money, influence or power is far less appealing that spending time to cultivate the being who will attract work that changes people for the better and provides harmonious relationships.

I know that may sound awfully kooky but I guess that is what we think of people and things we don't understand. Call me whatever you wish. I just know that I am moments away from a huge breakthrough in my life and I am going to pay attention to make certain that I don't miss it. I can feel it. It's a living breathing thing. It's this huge energy source of enlightenment. My life's work is just about to begin. I am gold, raw and filled with impurities. I just have to go through the fire to be purified.

"Refiner's fire, my heart's one desire
Is to be holy, set apart for you Lord
Ready to do Your will
Ready to do Your will"

I am not in control. The only thing I can control is the moment I have now and what I choose to do with it.

I choose not to panic. I choose not to be anxious. I choose not to be erratic. I choose to be silent. I choose to listen.


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