Saturday, October 09, 2010

The Big Picture

I am lying in bed with a mountain of tissues piling up. I am on my second box of 150 facial tissues. I have been sick since the first week of school. Apparently this is newbie kindergarten territory. As an asthmatic, it is even more distressful. But I am rolling with the punches. I am trying to keep focused on getting the job I want and pursue my call to happiness.

I didn't sign a contract and I didn't commit for the entire year... I only accepted the offer for a few months. I don't get any benefits from the job and the pay is very very modest so it actually costs us almost my entire paycheck for me to work there. I knew I would not be able to accept for a year with good conscience.

I am grateful to be out of the house and to be getting around more, getting to know this country better. I am also grateful that it gave us the impetus to get a car and for me to get certified to drive here (especially after the fiasco of losing my driver's licences from Jamaica and The Island Behind God's Back earlier this year when my wallet was stolen in the supermarket. Even with them, by law, I am required to take lessons and do signal, parking and road tests but now, I have to take twice as many lessons (because I have no valid DL to present ).

By tomorrow, I would have completed 12 of 40 lessons needed to get my driver's licence here. I should complete 16 this week and the remainder should be completed by next week. Therefore by week after next, I should be the holder of a valid UAE Driver's licence.

In the meantime, ESC takes me to work in the mornings and I make my way home. This last bit is also problematic because this means a lot of hot and cold going from intense desert heat to extremely cold buildings and public transport (taxis, metro, bus). It takes me 2 cabs, a bus and a train to go home and often there is walking in between. I live VERY far from work.

I no longer have the energy to exercise (being sick all the time) and I don't eat as well as before because I am so exhausted. Of course neither augur well for me to increase my resistance to the cold & flu magnet that is kindergarten. On Thurs 6 kids were out sick from my class. So I am feeling worn down like crazy. I haven't had the flu in years until now!

I am trying my hardest to not lose sight of my major life goals in the middle of all this daily mix-up.

I am realizing how easy it is to be side-tracked in your own life, putting aside what you really want for what you already have. I dont wan tto live my life like that. I want to reach every impossible dream and climb every freaking mountain my heart can desire. I don't want to be relegated to mediocrity. I dont want work just because it's work. I want work that is love made visible. So, as of now, I am going to try to channel out the chatter of the dream cutters and just hone in on my authentic self and the truest desires of my heart.

My Goals
I will get a job for which I am better suited but I will make peace with this one for the very short duration for which I will have it.
I will be re-admitted to finally hand in my thesis.
I will complete an excellent thesis.
I will start a food blog.
I will complete two TV Show Treatments and Pilots.
I will exhibit my photography internationally and make prints available for sale.
I will maintain my independent, personal space, hopes and dreams even while being committed to sharing my life with my partner.
I will get into my best shape (mind, body, spirit)
I will get back into Television (Broadcasting & Producing)
I will work on multimedia cooking/food ventures with my hubby
I will own a successful multimedia empire
I will direct a feature film at some point in my career.
I will get a full scholarship to attend Tisch at NYU for my MFA in Film
I will have or be working on completing my Phd at 60
I will travel and document the world as I see it in photographs, writing, and filmmaking
I will have a successful, long and happy marriage
I will buy a home for my mother
I will have homes in at least 2 countries
I will invest social capital in my country and any community in which I live
The world will be a better place because I was here and I did my part


Julie said...

When you dream, you dream BIG!
I'll be here cheering you on!!!

As for the colds and flus.... you're building up your resistance for when you have a child. Every time baby J brought home a cold, I caught it too. Even when he got sick with H1N1 I got that.
Your immune system will be stronger from this experience and pretty soon you won't be getting all these colds or flus

Azikiwe said...

...i support all your Goals but ..yow !..tek time wid yuself !...You need to find the source of the allergic reaction that triggers you asthma....Drink more onion & Garlic teas to free up your bronchial section ...

Bodhisattva Harlem Mama said...

Building up the resistance, I tell you. You'll survive the the germies. That's what kids are really, walking contamination pits. But they are so snotty cute! The more you're around them, the better for you when yours come. Just make sure you've got your shots, like for chicken pox. That could really damage the adult you while just denting the kiddie. Can I attach myself to your goals? I love your goals. I want to ride the wave too!

Anonymous said...

Admiring ur goals, but I hope you have a realistic timeline and that you've broken it all down in doable portions. It's good to think big and a little beyond what is possible-in-the-forseeable-present, but don't overwhelm yourself.
Jus tek one day at a time.

And remember sickness sometimes comes to slow us down. Never wishing ill on anyone, and as annoying as it is (oh how I know), but I do believe that we all need to feel 'Yuck!' once in a while just so that when we feel 'Yhippeee!' we recognise it and appreciate it more.
Get well soon, ok?!! :-)

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