Sunday, November 04, 2007

"Siddung Pon a Riddim Like a Lizard Pon a Limb"

(Charley Chaplin, Jamaican Reggae artiste)

[I wrote the foll in the wee hours of the morning when I woke up and could not fall asleep and felt like everything was crashing down on me. Thank heavens the iPod, which was starting to behave wack in the day, settled down and allowed me to listen to playlist "gospel redemption," which is my go-to defacto anti-depressant. I cried a bit but ended up feeling hopeful and falling into peacefull slumber with a song of praise on my lips.]

I feel like a failure.

I am 27 years old, I am sleeping alone, without any hopes for a boyfriend, much less a husband, which means I am going to have to severely compromise my dreams of having a legal nuclear family home if I ever want children. I feel incredibly lonely and have very often felt that way since my last relationship. At this point only those over three months count so that makes my last relationship four years ago.

I am moving for the 7th time in 7 years, and as much as I had stayed in one place for over 3 years, I am making my second move from that place in less than 4 months.

My income is very limited. Business hasn't taken off the way I wanted it to.

I dont know if I want to do PR anymore or events anymore. I think I just want to focus on production, photography and writing.

I feel so sad and damn lonely in this moment.



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