Signs of the times

I had a real conflict about whether or not to wash my face and brush my teeth before leaving the apartment for work this morning.

Luckily the issue of bathing was a no-brainer. A fresh coat of Powder Fresh Mitchum Clear Gel for Women would suffice.

I wear black everyday.

I had my first cooked meal for the first time in days yesterday, eating less than half of my already reduced portion size, and feeling full and sick because meat and rice were too complex for taste buds covered in smoke and no longer used to anything but crackers and cereal.

My idea of healthy eating is taking echinacea and vitamins to ward off complex vitamin deficiency.

When I don't talk to Easy Skanking Chef, its like my world goes into a tailspin.

I call my cousin hollering "I want to come home" in the wee hours of the morning.

I called another friend, with the same behaviour, triggering him to follow up with a call early this morning encouraging me to try to have a nice day.

The days are OK enough, I just go throuh the motions. It's the lonely nights that are unpredictable.

If there was a flight leaving at midnight last night and money in my purse I would have truly left.

I haven't washed my hair in so long that I can't remember and my idea of styling my otherwise beautiful locks is to pull them back into a chignon daily.

My toenails are projecting out about a quarter inch and I could not care less. The cracked clear nailpolist and bits of white left over from a two month old pedicure are testimony of better times.

My heels scratch my sheet and my legs at night, even though I have a salon-type pumice thing in the bathrooom. I have no desire to change that.

I have carried the same handbag everyday for the past 10 weeks.

I have worn less than 10 pairs of shoes everyday for the past 10 weeks.

I go home and lock my door and only talk to my neighbour if I see her. I never go looking. Not even when I am out of salt. I just delay cooking the already seasoned curry goat until the shops open the next day.

I just want to curl up in bed and cry and sleep.