In the still of the night

I am feeling better. Been feeling better over the past two days too.

I wore my Jackie O inspired tweed mock jack and layered like a pro. I even took my purple bag draped with a cyan pashmina.

Boss' secretary things I am FULL of style and ALWAYS dress well. Go figure.

Anyway, I have been doing work everyday... and sending out emails for people to see such evidence.

I got word however today (informally as usual) that the big man in charge of this whole Island Behind God's Back finds my Communication Strategy elaborate (aka unnecessary). My response (duh!) It WOULD be elaborate if it is being considered AFTER a major hurricane has hit the island and we are still living with flies three months later! I sent in my strategy almost 6 months ago, about a week after I came in. I am not used to having these things deliberated on for all of six months. And thirdly, how would it not be seen as elaborate for a place that now has absolutely no money to spend?

Money is tight -seriously tight- and this has NOTHING to do with the US recession and the world economy. There is a freeze on hiring. And a freeze on spending in general.

So, on top of the fact that I was hired without a budget, it seems I WONT be getting a budget anytime during the course of my two-year contract. Public relations without a budget, yippee yay!

Needless to say, the tension is high here. People can't go away on trips, and cannot even leave this Island Behind God's Back for sanity breaks... and so the house divides against itself. Ineffeciencies are blamed on foreigners because it is easier to do so. Little or nothing is done to improve business processes, to standardise effieciencies.

But all of that is their problem. If they were lucky enough to hire me (and only because I was desperate to- a) pay off my bills and b) get the hell away from the elusive ex ). If they do not factor my services as important enough to set aside even a $10 budget for, then who loses really? Do I not get paid anyway?

The reason why I got so depressed (and may again-who knows) is that I KNOW I can't leave right now. Memories of the ex are long gone, but I still have some more bills to pay, and I cannot move into the next phase of my life with them. And that is why I am so miserable, because I cannot even spend money on a sanity break. If I could have flown to Jamaica once or twice since I came back, I would have been in a MUCH better emotional state... but with things being the way they are, I cannot spend money unnecessarily.

All in all, I am here, taking it as it comes one day at a time.

I am grateful for all the love and support and understanding.

It was good for me to have come here...and it will damn good for me to leave when I am good and ready.