Monday, May 23, 2011

Biting off less

I have decided to pace myself as it regards taking on projects and making additional commitments. I think that while I re-adjust to my weight loss efforts, I should factor in time for myself to make meals, exercise, renew my mind, nourish my spirit and rest.

There is truth to the expression that one has "stopped taking care of oneself" or letting oneself go" in relation to being out of shape. People who have issues with weight often struggle with putting themselves first amidst other competing priorities.

I am now on a mission to build my life around my personal needs as opposed to trying to fit my personal needs into my life.

My lifestyle is one of health, fitness and balance and everything I do will resonate this. I will be able to make a very good income from the things that bring me happiness. My work will bring me immense joy and will positively affect the lives of others.

Whatever is not aligned to that mission, has no place in my life.

I will be happy with my circumstances and I will be at peace with my lot.

I will take the time to nourish myself so that when I share myself through work and interpersonal relationships, I will be sharing the best of me.

I will do my workout routine daily, as well as a 30 minute walk to increase my level of activity. I will make healthy meals for myself and monitor my food intake daily. I will pack my meals with the same care as I would for my child.

I will put myself first.

I choose to believe in myself and the power I have within me.

I will let my light shine.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

My first grey hair

This morning, sometime after midnight, I found my first grey hair. When ESC came home, I said "Honey, look why I think I have been in a funk!"

He almost slipped in the shower from laughing so hard.

His head is littered with greys. He found his first when he was 20.

I told him that if I found mine at 20, I would have just brushed it aside as premature. At 30, it is the real deal.

Ba humbug!

Now I definitely feel like not colouring my hair in honour of the bit of wisdom I have coming out in greys!

Maybe it is time for a new look altogether.

I am feeling like I need some drastic change.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Feeling kinda low

I am not sure why.

It is likely linked to hormonal changes linked to my change in diet and TOM.

I know that I have been excessively irritated this TOM and now it has escalated into a case of the mean reds.

I feel like I want a break. I just want to stay home for the rest of the week and veg... but we have a demo on Sat so I will have to either feel better by then or simply get my game face on. I hope I feel better.

I feel like I want to cry but I am afraid that if I start, I won't be able to stop.

This too, shall pass.


A spank on the butt and a pat on the back

I have been self sabotaging myself. No I am not being mean to myself, I am being real.

So what is "self-sabotaging?"

It is the deliberate attempt to undermine one's own success, knowingly or unknowingly.

Last night I had a burger after having a very clean day, eating a wide array of nutrient filled foods. However, I missed a meal and therein started the problem.

I missed lunch. So after having dinner at a friend's (and even making my own cauliflower rice instead of eating the white rice that was supplied with meal), I had to pick up ESC at 1:00am. I didn't realize I was hungry while I was at home, but got very hungry while we were driving back. The hunger descended fast and furiously and I just had to eat. He suggested that I have burger king without the buns. That made me want the buns even more. I had a huge burger along with diet soda. I did not order the fries.

Essentially, I am eating a lot of salads and staying away from grains for now, so technically, I could have bought one of the salads that they offered. But the issue is that when I get very ravenous, my mind already has a picture of what it takes to fill me up. Clearly, that picture needs to be replaced. When I am not famished, I make better food choices and can say no to things that I know will not do my body any good.

Now that I have written it down and made a confession, I pat myself on the back for having the courage to break away from bad habits.

I remember a time 10 years ago when I didn't eat fast food and I worked out 3-4 days weekly in the gym. I had lost my taste for fast food and ate pretty well. Then my ex took me to McDonald's for breakfast when I visited him in NY (so lame - I should have walked away then) and the past 10 years have since been a roller coaster. I am not blaming anybody else but me... I am just recounting my history.

Since then, fast junk food and fries have come to be comfort foods intead of the healthy alternatives I had before. This can no longer be the case.

I refuse to be my own enemy. I will be my best friend. I will replace bad habits with good and remove unhealthy crutches from my life for good.

I would also like to note that I worked out 4x this week my first week back in the saddle and I will work up to 5x weekly by next week.


  • When I am famished, I will now seek a salad first.
  • I will only use fast food joints when absolutely necessary and I will only order salads and grilled foods.
  • I will get better at taking my health and fitness in my hands and building the intestinal fortitude to select healthy choices even when I feel stressed (like holding out until I reach home).
  • I am replacing my comfort food image with that of a salad. I feel better after eating a salad. My conscience is free after eating a salad. I will walk around with a sachet of a healthy vinaigrette that I like at all times so that I can enjoy even a fast food salad without their unhealthy dressings.
  • I will make lunch before I leave the house even if expect to be home before lunchtime.
  • I will keep my house stacked with half prepped whole foods (like cooked seafood and meat to toss into a salad).
  • I will eat on time, every time, no matter what.
  • I will approach eating with the same discipline I would if my doctor had given me strict warnings of an impending life-threatening ailment.
  • I deserve better.
  • I come first.
  • I will I will get better at this and I will reach my goals.

Monday, May 16, 2011

My fitness goals

This time, I am going to be a little more specific. The last time I simply stated that I wanted to bring mind, body and spirit into balance. That was all well and honourable but good goals are measurable. How does one measure "balance?"

I am also aware (as I have been for years) that my major issue where fitness is concerned is that I need to be consistent even during major transitions in my life. When life throws me curve balls, I need to be flexible enough to adapt quickly without getting off my fitness plan. In the past, a new job with new demands would be enough to stop my workouts and having not worked out in a while, I would start to slack off of my diet since I no longer had the daily awareness of what it took to burn calories. I would then pack on the weight and be dismayed about falling off the wagon yet again and history would repeat the worst of itself.

It was easy to commit once I had all variables under control, but I waned when the changes came. Unfortunately, I have learnt that commitment is not defined as the determination to stick to something as long as it is convenient and it is the reverse that is true.

Nowhere is this more evident than in marriage or child-rearing. You simply cannot make excuses and put relationships and children on hold during rough times. You have to work through the hardest times if you ever want to enjoy long term success.

Excelling through the good times does not make you a winner. It is when you give your best, even when the odds are against you that you are worthy of being called victorious.

Finally, the challenge doesn't end when one reaches a personal goal. We then have to set new goals to challenge us to maintain or better our successes. This is a lifetime commitment, not a one-season daytime drama. I am in control of my destiny. I will reach and surpass my fitness goals.


1. To get to 135lbs and a very healthy BMI

2. To be size 6 again

3. To maintain my size 6 for life

4. To live low carb for life, even during pregnancy

5. To workout 5x weekly

6. To have a daily yoga/pilates practice

7. To workout during pregnancy

8. To become a Certified Fitness Trainer

9. To be certified in nutrition and weight management coaching

10. To help others meet their life goals through fitness and nutrition

11. To have an active lifestyle, taking up sports and having friends who are also active.


195lbs- whey protein isolate

190 zumba class/ salsa class + stationary for letter writing

185 cute sneakers

180 cute gym clothes

175 SelecTech weights

170 Good yoga mat

165 iPad

160 yoga class

155 Persian Rug

150 Luxury Spa Weekend Getaway with hubby

145 Manolo Blahnik shoes

140 Botega Vanetta/ Fendi/Prada/ Chanel bag

135 Necklace/Ring and trip to India

No more identity crisis

Yes you are reading right. I have decided to revert to my original blog name because the mission is still yet to be accomplished. In spite of the fact that I turned 30 late last year, this is my 20Something journal into me. It will take a lifetime, but keeping the name will keep the perspective of the start of the journey in sight, even as I move through the different stages of my life.

Maybe that is another reason why I haven't felt as compelled to blog here since I turned 30- this was not a Thirty-Something monologue, and yet I felt totally irrelevant in both realms. I am still a TwentySomething at heart, with the questions and zeal that it brings. Thirty is new to me, like suddenly fitting into a significantly smaller dress size, without being able to wrap your head around the fact that you are no longer what you were. Or are you?

And speaking of weight, that is an issue that I have carried into my 30s and wish to settle for good this time. I know I keep saying that, but I have a funny relationship with goals. I never stop until I reach them.

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

When tomorrow comes

I have been here before and maybe you have too. Over the past few months, I have been using food to feed a hunger that was not at all physical. Whoa! I said it. I actually wrote it down. I have voiced it and I have put it out there.

Ladies and gentlemen, without much fanfare, I am back.

Having been derailed last year for a short while, I was back on track this year and some of you may have remembered that I lost 15lbs in my first 2 weeks of strict, no dairy, no sweetener, no refined carb eating. That was until I learnt that I had been pregnant and had lost the baby.

Since then, I have managed to turn that tremendously traumatic experience into something positive, creating a successful niche for myself and even landing a weekly column. I now have a weekly column in one of the oldest English language broadsheets in the Middle East. However, as the weeks wore on, I found myself eating things I knew better than, partially because I work full time with food in the media and also because I was using food to make myself feel better.

My weight gain is never just physical. It is always tied up with other imbalances. Especially weight gain of the sort where one puts on 17lbs in 3 months. I don't know about you but the more I weigh, the less I move and so I just stopped exercising, even though ESC has been at it 4-6 days per week in our apartment.

But you know me, I am not making excuses and I am not beating up on myself either. I am where I am and I am still very happy.

I don't believe in hating myself for having put on the weight. I believe that we must be kind to ourselves, even when we are less than we want to be. We have to love ourselves for who we are in every moment because each moment is all we have got.

I just need to tackle these emotional issues and bring my body, mind and spirit back into balance.

I visualize my success and I simply press on day to day to higher heights or self discovery and authenticity, while I get slimmer.

Thank heavens for new beginnings.
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