Thursday, March 29, 2007


Kahlil Gibran

You would measure time the measureless and the immeasurable.
You would adjust your conduct and even direct the course of your spirit according to hours and seasons.
Of time you would make a stream upon whose bank you would sit and watch its flowing.

Yet the timeless in you is aware of life's timelessness,
And knows that yesterday is but today's memory and tomorrow is today's dream.
And that that which sings and contemplates in you is still dwelling within the bounds of that first moment which scattered the stars into space.
Who among you does not feel that his power to love is boundless?
And yet who does not feel that very love, though boundless, encompassed within the centre of his being, and moving not from love thought to love thought, nor from love deeds to other love deeds?
And is not time even as love is, undivided and spaceless?

But if in your thought you must measure time into seasons, let each season encircle all the other seasons,
And let today embrace the past with remembrance and the future with longing.


Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Breathe Dawta, Breathe

I came >>>>>>>>>>>THIS<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< close to handing in my letter of resignation this morning.

I am just tired of this damn place. Its thoroughly frustrating to work with headless chickens who knit pick because their pea sized brains lie bloody on the floor.

I just want to walk but I am trying my best to hold on to some level of reasoning and not leave before I have another offer in black and white. I am scheduled for a second interview for a job for which I have very good prospects but I cannot be certain until its certain, ya know what I mean?

I have not really grown on this job. All of my efforts have been watered down and met with more criticism than praise. In fact, my highest points professionally have actually come from external projects that I did on the side.

If my work is my life and work is not bringing me happiness, I need to find work that defines my true love.

I pray that this deal will close and I will be able to send in my resignation by mid next week. My last date to tie up something is April 13. I pray that it doesnt come down to this. The ideal thing would have been to finalize everything by the end of this week and get the entire April off as vacation leave. But, alas, no such luck. I am hoping that I will have an offer in hand on by Holy Thursday (April 5).

Until then, I have to constantly remind myself to breathe.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Sex...casually speaking

I am almost positive I blogged on this topic before but I just feel the need to offload a bit on the topic just now cause annedda half eediat was just a nenge nenge (nagging mosquito sound) inna mi ears.

After embracing single life for three years, I must say that casual sex is severely overrated and only thrilling to those suffering from boredom in relationships and or those too hurt to let themselves get close to anyone.

I accept that women are now free to do as we wish. Hell, I am all for turning the "good girl vs bad girl" debate on its head, but as much as its great to bed whomever, whenever, wherever, however, I am having a lil issue with the "whomever" bit at this point in time.

Don't get me wrong. I am not trying to say I have been a saint, I never signed up for the convent and don't even believe in catholicism, but casual sex for me is totally unsustainable.

I have no desire to be anyone's booty call. I think there is a lil more going on for me than my rotund Caribbean derriere. There is nothing more shallow than the anti-climatic discovery that one of you has got to scram right after an orgasm. (Well, maybe listening to my lame as f%^*k boss drone on as he desperately tries to sound smart is just slightly more tortuous) . But why settle for booty only when there is a perfectly sharp brain to pick with quick wit to match? Not even to metion a soft, affectionate soul worth knowing and exploring (behind the glaring fangs and the claws). But seriously guys, a woman is much more than a booty, just as a man is much more than a stud.

I have reached a point of consciousness that makes me thoroughly disinterested in sex just for the sake of sex. If there cannot be stimulating conversation, intrigue and affection, I will do just fine on my own thank you.

So NO THANKS to all the booty inquiries. Mi nuh desperate. And no, a single woman isnt necessarily waiting for your goddammed lame ass to rescue her from sexless bouts of hysteria. There are tonnes of vibrating solutions available, in fact, you would be hardpressed to compete if shallow climaxes are all you have to offer.

I rest my case.


Of self-sufficiency and solitude

Every woman needs to not only discover self-pleasure but also willingly partake in and out of a relationship. Full stop, comma, comma, dash dash.

After spending sometime tidying house, I took a long hot shower and reclined in my all too comfy bed with a wine glass filled with coke, sipping in candlelight. There is beauty in silence and pleasure in aloneness.

There is certainly a time for everything under the sun, not quite ecclesiatical is this revelation but still poignant:

There is a time for company and a time for solitude
A time for sharing and a time for witholding
A time to laugh until you cry and a time to cry until you laugh
A time to hurt and a time to heal
A time to suffer and a time to prosper
A time for coupling and a time for self-pleasure.

Let's toast to solitude and self pleasure.


Travel bug bites again

I am looking forward to the easter break next week. I am planning to leave work half day and disappear for the weekend. I have not finalized travel plans but I am definitely going on a plane somewhere. It could be Fort Lauderdale or another Caribbean island. I just dont want to spend too long in transit so short distances are optimal. I may go to visit my brother in the Cayman Islands but I have to look into the visa requirement. Something tells me that bureaucracy may eliminate that as a possibility.

I would actually love to go to St. Lucia as I have been trying to go there since last year. Was actually booked for jazz but did not get to go.

I just need a change of scenery. I suspect that I will travel twice this month before I start a new job. This first trip will be a short breather and I hope to take a two-week break by month end. I will go to Fort Lauderdale and shop for a week (new work duds) and then return to chill for a week. I may book into my favourite boutique hotel on the south coast.

I havent been anywhere since the year started so I am very much looking forward to it.

I wanted to cross the Atlantic later this year too but we will see about that.

Bon voyage to moi!


Life is beautiful

Not quite reminiscent of the classic, today was a good day and I must say that life is truly wonderful.

I just feel very centred today, like my life is going according to plan and that things are better than they seem.

Female hormones are weird, I mean really weird. Its been 15 years since puberty and I still cannot get used just how unsettling the monthly hormonal spike can be. I think it is more intense when I am under lots of stress, which I was over the past two and a half weeks.

Maybe its because I feel so strongly that God has my back, but I strongly believe that all things work together for good.

I maintain, life is beautiful.

In all things, give thanks,

Sunday, March 25, 2007


Maybe its time for me to learn a new virtue- patience.

Maybe its time for me to worry less about things I cannot change.

I thought I had mastered my tongue and my reactions to certain things but my actions have defied me.

Will I be able to forgive myself? I have to because the one person definitely have to live with is me.

I need to stop fretting so much and let things be. What is to be will be and what is for me will not go by me.

Everything else I leave to God and time.


Hindsight is 20/20

I cannot believe that I am making such grave errors in judgement at my age. I thought I was fierce enough to face and express any emotion I deemed necessary. Funny, because now I lie awake pondering the predicament of doing quite the opposite.

In spite of this- because we are human and prone to mistakes- I have learnt that what separates the mature from the lot is the ability to admit andd take responsibility for regretable actions.

I cannot promise that I will always be the person that others want me to be, hell I am struggling to be the person I always want to be, but I can try to be the best that I can be.

Space is often a good thing. It gives one the opportunity to assess objectively without the prejudice of interference. Having recoiled into my own space, I now know that all I really want to do is share it.


Tuesday, March 20, 2007

10 day love...

There is a lot going on in my love life at this time and I dont know whats going to happen. I am trying not to sweat it and enjoy each moment, but Lord knows I am nervous. I think its because I feel so strongly and so certain.

I have so much to learn.

The fact is the only two things that are certain in life are uncertainty and death, but one still has to dream.

What good is love without passion? And on the other hand, what good is passion without control?

According to Khalil Gibran (yes I am quoting the big man himself yet again cause profundity necessitates reinforcement):

Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul. If either your sails or your rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas.

For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction. Therefore let your soul exalt your reason to the height of passion, that it may sing; And let it direct your passion with reason, that your passion may live through its own daily resurrection, and like the phoenix rise above its own ashes.



I am not a 9-5 woman. Will never be. So why am I looking for jobs in the wrong places? I am unhappy where I am and chances are, I will be wherever I go, especially if its full-time. I want to work from home. I want to work in sandals and yoga pants.

I really have to spend some time refining my business plans so that I may actually get things off the ground, cuz going on job interviews is a totally different experience than pitching for business with a client on equal footing.


Saturday, March 17, 2007

I know

They say in a Jamaica Tourist Board ad, "once you get there, you know." If I am to borrow this beautiful phrase and apply it figuratively to where I am in my life at this point, I could say with confidence, "I know."

Life has a way of working itself out. God does masterful works and all things work together for good. As I keep on saying on this blog, all previous moments have led to this.

Love is a "many splendoured" thing (this being my blog, I have creative license to do with words as I wish).

I am looking into the mirror as I type, seeing the bags under my eyes after an entire week of blissfully sleepless nights. While I have been working hard juggling my daytime job and other major projects, I have to thank God for leading me into this oasis.

What is for you cannot go by you and all things most certainly work for good.


Sunday, March 11, 2007


Its been a while since my last post. In fact, it's my first for the month of march after a most prolific february. I guess I never had much to say. Till now.

I wanted to post today so that I could set this date as a record of activities leading up to this deliberately vague entry.

Time has a way of working things out, even the unexpected. Sometimes the unexpected brings waves of euphoria, sometimes confusion, somtimes conundrum, sometimes all, even so in all of this, it brings a fresh new way of looking on things that may have always been right before you.

I cherish this day, and will forever, remembering the sheer bliss of simply knowing and feeling. Even if the view gets distorted by category 5 hurricanes, I will keep this moment etched in my heart as a moment of discovery and uncluttered enlightenment.

I am not caught up with what is to come because tomorrow has enough problems of its own. I am living in the moment, enjoying the first fruit of a tree I never thought would give forth fruit.

It is true that good things happen when you least expect them but it is also true that amazing things happen when you are simply ready to embrace.

Nothing before its time.

March 11, 2007 -Ritz Carlton, Rose Hall, Jamaica

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