Monday, June 30, 2008

I need emails, pics and phone calls people!!


It is agonising to go through all i have to go through on a daily basis to get emails during work hours and even when I am home, only to see that the only people writing me are group mail people for PNP, SBAJ, Beachbody and IABC.

Common people... keep me INVOLVED in your lives!!

Send me pics!!

Send me emails.

Love letter belabouring your adoration via snail mail!.

And while you at it.. send me money to save up for a ticket to come visit!

Unno must do better dan dat man!

Poppy Show

After mi dress up to puss back foot (blue yeye shadow and all) for a scheduled meeting with my boss to discuss the role of communication in the organisation, leadership and transformation, I learn her has left for a mtg on another island.

Vex is not the word.

This is the last suit that I hadnt worn before and deliberately wore it to make an impression. It was a part of the artillery because image matters and it sets the perfect tone for the discussion about communication having a seat at the upper management table.


All things work together for good.

Praise be to Jah Jah.

Visitations and Salutations

I have to say that I am THRILLED to be having visitors as of the end of July.

I have two persons confirmed for August (Imelda and Easy Skanking Chef) and another (Black Panther) is to confirm whether he can make it for the last week in July.

Of course I am counting the days in anticipation. My apartment will feel like home and not like confinement!

I called Miss Aria last night but she was too busy playing dress up with her friends to say much too me. She didn't even call me "Aunty". I dont know who tell dat fresh likkle pickney seh me and her is size! Would be wonderful if she could come visit me for the holidays!

I went to the beach yesterday with my neighbour. It's becoming a Sunday ritual. Got me a nice little tan.

U know, one thing I really like about myself is that I always wear a sexy bikini, no matter what shape my body is in. Then again, why should that be a surprise, after all I had bikinis before I could walk and was only forced into one-pieces by daddy at the first sign of breasts in puberty.

Of course, when I turned 18 and was free from the clutches of my over-protective daddy and crazy fundamentalism, I got the brightest itsy bitsy yellowish-neon-green string bikini, and have been adding to that collection ever since.

The beaches here are perfect. Absolutely perfect. It's definitely paradise reloaded. And the best part? There are beaches for miles so you can have lots of privacy.

I know its only Monday, but i cant wait to head back to the beach on Sunday. Who knows, I may take a mid-week trip! After all, its just 3 mins drive from my apt.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Good friends- better than pocket money

Oh how I look to the hills of Zion, from whence cometh my joy.

I was in a state of depression yesterday. I was just missing yard.

Talked to Imelda#2 last night for a long time, and at the end of the conversation, she had me laughing, feeling like misself again, and even arguing about politics. Hence the title of the post- good friends better than pocket money.

My friend Imelda#2 would be considered and approved for sainthood if she were catholic. A more noble person, with a more genuine heart cannot be found. My prayer for her is that she is filled with the joy that she passes on to those she meet and that she will find a knight worthy of saving her from sitting in a rocking chair with a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the others, chatting with me (with my hands holding the same) and we contemplate in our geriatric state, exactly where we placed our dentures.

I am blessed.

Inspite of the wanton loneliness and longing for the comforts of home, especially on a weekend, I am truly blessed.

It is a blessing to be somewhere new. To see life with a fresh set of eyes, and never forget that which you have temporarily left behind.

I still remember waking up groggy and going into the kitchen finding her fully dressed, after having a second cup of coffee, reading the days local and international news from 5am, and on her second round of her magnanimous baking enterprise.

I am happy that she will be finally able to meet the Gent of the Kitchen and that they will be here together at least for a few days. That means dinner AND dessert! Yes, I take my stomach with me wherever I go.

I have Guyanese neighbours (really nice country hearted Caribbean people) who took some homemade curry chicken roti over today for lunch for me and my neighbour. After blessing it, (precaution better than cure) we partook the best roti I have had in years!

It was absolutely delicious!

I have to find a way to return the favour soon.

But I miss Imelda, and mi Heartstring Cousin, and mi modda (who would have had my place as clean as a whistle), and even my sisters. I miss my daddy and my lil brothers and my Drummer Friend. And I miss Imelda's family dinner.

I look forward to having her here, even if its only for a week, so we can show this place just how it's done!

Longing and hoping and dreaming but coping,


Friday, June 27, 2008

Love is what you make it

I am ready for love.

I so am.

After years of relegating myself to short couplings which have no hope for a future, I want exactly that.

It’s amazing. My second ex (of only four long term relationships) has always told me that I can’t run from myself. You see I have been fantasizing about leaving Jamaica since I was about 17 years old. It took me 10 years and the third overseas job offer to finally leave.

And what have I run into? Me.

That subdued latent nesting desire of my adolescence is now the strongest it has ever been. Many things are different, as they must be with the onslaught of heartaches and wisdom along the way; but alas many things remain.

I still think that there is nothing better than love.

How can I say that after having my heart trampled on? Call it Leonine passion, childish enthusiasm, a false sense of eutopia, or just plain old resilience, but I am just ready to try again.

I am ready to find a deep love that goes beyond the superficial, the kind that makes you laugh till you cry and cry until you life. The kind that makes you want to be a better person because you see your love trying to be better for you. One cloaked in mutual security and commitment, respect, and adoration and devotion that (borders on but never gets there) gets close to worship.

A man whose scent I can smell on my way home, because I know, without a doubt, he will be there.

Someone who challenges me and supports interchangeably.

Someone who is not afraid of my strength and courage and the loudness of my Leonine roar because he is confident that he is king of my human heart.

Someone who shares a spiritual commitment to finding God individually and sharing Him together.

Someone who loves me not for who I can be or should be, but who I am.

I find that I have a way of walking away from the men who can offer me all of my heart’s desires and give my affection to people who’s presence is fleeting.
I think its because I am afraid of being hurt. It’s easier to kind of be nice and hopeful about a man who you know is just making a short rest stop on his way to a distant town. It’s quite like pouring your heart out to a taxi driver as opposed to working out your problems systematically with a therapist. You dont have to commit. And you certainly don’t give your heart.

I am dating a man with whom I have passionate feelings for, but with whom a future seems rife with strife. But I am lonely. So I settle.

I realize I cannot ever find perfection in a mate. Love, like life itself, is what you make it.

Shit! I just realized something- I am afraid to need anybody.

I can stand truly, madly, and deeply in love but I am afraid to actually need somebody because I am afraid to lose again.

My last relationship did a number on me. But more than that, I did a number on myself waiting for him to wise up. As dumb as it sounds, waiting seemed to be the only thing I could have done. In the process, I have lied so much to myself and to the men I have dated that sometimes, I don’t even remember the truth.

I don’t know if I will ever stop loving him. I haven’t lived long enough yet. I know one thing- I pity him.

Maybe it was pity that made me love him in the first place. I saw someone who was perfect on the surface, but I saw his wounds hidden and felt I could love them away. I had wounds of my own, and there was co-dependence. We became best friends, and lovers, and executioners in the same sentence. But cats have nine lives and this Leo isn’t ready to die.

I have died a few deaths in the process but I have a few lives left in me.

As I write this, I am contemplating the attention of a few men who have expressed their interest. Two have even mentioned marriage.

I am still cautious about such finality, but I know I will have to choose one with whom I will pursue the walk of discovery of what the future COULD have in store.

I am still so very confused.

And I am lonely. So lonesome I could cry (and sometimes do).

Maybe this is the point where I should let go, and let God.

I miss home.

Moving Right Along

Ok.. enough of the melodrama in the last post.

I went to get my nails done for the firs time in a year and now i cannot type!

I mean they look fabulous but i feel like a yub yub secretary.

Hee hee.

I have to say that I am finding a routine here...even managed to start coming to work on time!


I wore a bright pink lipstick to match a ridiculous tshirt in support of world alcoholic day. I am sure that is not what the day means but hey... show a lil love for the drunkards. Happy drunks are fun! Plus you know I have an affinity for wine and the occasional vodka.

Yes- i know i am missing the point.

Goes to show how silly these T-shirt messages can be even though they can be a most effective means of communication.

Yesterday was my ex's b-day. Wasn't planning on calling him. As fate would have it, I was attending a meeting and my unlocked phone went and disobeyed my commamds and dialled him. I disconnected the call as soon as I noticed it, but it was a moment too late. After not speaking to him for a while and a very final conversation some weeks ago, dude interpreted it as a happy birthday call. He texted me thanks. I wanted to tell him where to get off but I left it.


My neighbour's birthday is saturday. We are supposed to be having a get together on the beach.

Sending peace, love and unity to my people in Jamrock. I know we facing apocalypse now but joy comes in the morning. If didn't have to hold on to, what would be the point of living?

I going back to the people dem work ya now.

One love.

Friday, June 20, 2008


I always seem to pick the wrong people to like.

Such is life.

No.. not such is life.

I am kinda tired of my own foolishness.

Picking the same unavailable dudes over and over.

When I am I going to make myself available?

It seems impossible to continue with this pattern when you are in a strange country, you need a man who is available. Just to be there in the mood swings, to share with, to cook with, cry on. To be needed.


My monthlies are upon me and I am emotional like nobody's business. I can cry at the drop of a hat before and during my period. I am really not looking forward to nine months of pregnancy.

I want to go home and cry for lunch but I have no car.

I am just so damn tired.

I want my country.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Careless & Wutliss (Cable & Wireless) FINALLY delivers

It took an irate message on the voicemail of the Customer Service Manager, on Day 18, four days after the guaranteed service delivery date. Must a Jamaican be reduced to curt messages even after paying 500USD to get some notice around here? Good thing for her, she returned my call just before i was ready to click send on my even more curt and damming email (you know how i get when I write).

I came home to phone line and adsl and thy didnt even have to enter the house. Imagine that.

Dont even go there. Yes that coukd have done that from Day 17. Its careless and wutliss we're talking about here.

So I had a bad day.

I just got frustrated with the back-a-wall approah to business in this place. I cannot believe anywhere is actually worse than Jamaica, except of course Guyana (scream Guyanese readers-but u know its true).

I was forced to open a bottle of Merlot when I came home. Yes forced. Duress, is my legal defence.

But what would you expect after another frustrating day without a permanent office, work email address, and on top of it, explaining myself five times to at least four persons at the cable office because the first person I made my complaint took my call twice.

Got a call from Imelda#2 today. She is coming to visit in August. Counting the days! Yaay!

Kudos to Digicel for having a flat rate across the Caribbean. I love those guys!

SO that was my day- in a nutshell.

I am better now... blogging, watching the game and chatting online.

May all bad days end this good.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Heat in Babylonia

Quick updates:

1. I am not sleeping well. Mattress is cheap and feels cheep and all the plenty many thread count Egyptian cotten sheets in the world cannot make it more comfortable. I am going to start the search for a new bed this evening. If I cant find one here, I am going to have to buy one in Florida and ship it here. Dont ask me how I am going to buy a bed without testing it first!

2. I am groggy in the days. For details go back over #1.

3. It is hot as hell here. I mean, it hot no hell. No, it hot past hell! This translates into added fatigue and slowness especially during the high sun period between 10am and 4:30 pm.

4. I am tired of being a domestic. Yes folks, after 2 weeks, I am putting in my resignation. No more household stuff. I need a maid.

5. I went to the beach on Sunday. Had a great time. Took my neighbour with me.

6. Made homemade pizza for dinner on Sunday.

7. Made another female friend. Yes, she too is an expat.

Heat in Babylonia

Quick updates:

1. I am not sleeping well. Mattress is cheap and feels cheep and all the plenty many thread count Egyptian cotten sheets in the world cannot make it more comfortable. I am going to start the search for a new bed this evening. If I cant find one here, I am going to have to buy one in Florida and ship it here. Dont ask me how I am going to buy a bed without testing it first!

2. I am groggy in the days. For details go back over #1.

3. It is hot as hell here. I mean, it hot no hell. No, it hot past hell! This translates into added fatigue and slowness especially during the high sun period between 10am and 4:30 pm.

4. I am tired of being a domestic. Yes folks, after 2 weeks, I am putting in my resignation. No more household stuff. I need a maid.

5. I went to the beach on Sunday. Had a great time. Took my neighbour with me.

6. Made homemade pizza for dinner on Sunday.

7. Made another female friend. Yes, she too is an expat.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Silver Linings

Just so you know, dont call me between the hours of 12:30-2pm- the whole country is on lockdown in a modified siesta.

Clearly, I am not used to that so I work late into lunch and late after work even though many do not.

But it is a very special thing to see the animals (cows, donkeys, horses) just grazing along the road as if to say, "humans, you are the squatters."

A group of them were chilling out in the parking lot in front of the office when I was driving into work this morning. Precious.

Anyway, it's nice to live in a country with no traffic.

Full stop. Comma, comma, dash dash.

But seriously, while the slowness and informality of the business culture may be a little daunting, this place is really a walk in the park.

It hot no hell, but there are beautiful qiet beaches all within a 5 min drive. Furthermore, I live on a windy slope and get the best of cool breezes from the atlantic (well, when I open the door).

So... I do miss home. And I miss best friend of the handbags and shoes (aka Imelda #2) and mi heartstring cousin but I am really trying to appreciate the distance.

By the way... I been cooking up a storm!

Dutty gyal and flour anyone?1?!?

Yes- mi barrel box dem reach!

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Small Islant Reality

The water from the tap is not safe to drink, wash veggies, or cook with, or brush your teeth.

You have to buy bottled water to brush your teeth and remember not to turn on the tap to rinse your mouth.

That means bleach becomes your best friend and your hands begin to look like that of a housewife without the privelege of hired help.

You are working in a place in which the air is set on default to "slumber" and "vacation" modes.

You are likely to offend a native female bartender if you ask her when she opened the bottle of wine from which you have ordered a glass.

If you get a ride from someone, or are seen out with someone, you are dating, or unno deh.

You have to cook because what is available is either not palatable or rather expensive. Which means you have to eat your own fabulous meals alone most of the time. Which also means that the likelihood of getting back into shape is a lil iffy.

There is no burglar bar. Except for one bar at one of the two hotels on the islant.
That means that you have to say prayers to go asleep and repeat them every moment the wind blows something and you think it could be that big hurling burglar coming to get his share of your stuff and you.

You have to be wearing the same clothes for one week because your shipping hasn't arrived and no one can tell you where it is, and the person who shipped it from back home refuses to answer his phone, but the only person who notices is you.

You apply for a landline and ADSL and you have to buy a modem in addition to a USD$270 deposit. Wired= additional $100. Wireless = Additional $200 and you have to pay down the money (ALL of it) BEFORE you get either landline or ADSL and you are only guaranteed service in 14 days.

Utility forms ask you your landlord's name and your nearest neighbour because there are few named streets and house numbers are non-existent.

You are known to be a foreigner the moment you step off the plane not because you have some distinguishing features but because everybody knows everybody.

So you ask how I am adapting?

Just fine.


It's a blessing to live outside my country.

I certainly think that NWC is da bomb right about now!!!

Now where did I put the gallon bottles of bleach?

Monday, June 02, 2008

New Place, New Job, New Country

At long last, I am online.

Albeit only for today.

I cooked up a storm yesterday.

Pan seared salmon with freshly cracked black pepper, sea salt and crushed garlic, basmati rice, string beans and carrots steamed in buttaah, and fried okra. I served dinner on cheap hard plastic plates from target and a nice bottle of sauvignon blanc in plastic cups.

I invited my neighbour for dinner. She also happens to be a cool, locked sista who drinks and dont mind me smoking.

Praise God for journeying mercies.

Anyway, I am in the office today. A piece a tyad a lick me. I wish I had taken a nap yesterday, especially since I have not been able to sleep two nights in a row.

Long story.

Looking forward to lunch cause mi hungry no blerkcleet! Mi go tek show off and only had cereal fi breakfast and a dead right yah now. I acccidentally left my lunch at home.

Didnt even walk with a fruit or yogurt!

I need a lunch bag anyway.

Spent the weekend cleaning, washing and cooking so I had no time for the beach :(

Later for now!
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