Thursday, March 27, 2008

It Is Well With My Soul

It Is Well With My Soul

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
Horatio Spafford

Give Thanks

I just wanted to pause and express gratitude in this moment.

I have grown sooooooo much during the past few months its unbelievable. Stoosh Granny says that struggles bring us closer to God. I am just grateful that I have a God to be closer to in the first place.

The bible says that His strength is made perfect in our weakness. It also says that all things work together for good for them who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.

And that I know.

In spite of the day-to-day struggle, in spite of me and my decisions and indecision, all things work together for good.

God is faithful and merciful and His blessings are new EVERY morning.

I am currently exploring opportunities and I am grateful to even have openings in this time of scarcity.

The Lord is good and worthy to be praised.

Blessed is the woman who never forgets that.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Faith, Cornmeal Porridge and Cup Soup

That's how I am living. I swear.

I had a heart to heart with Maty, Stoosh Granny on Friday. I told her of my financial struggles with business being slow and collections being even slower and her response was that, "hardships draw you closer to God." Now aint that the truth?!?

I just know that all the randomness of things in my life have not been so random, but have been moderated by intelligent design. Yup... God is in control!

I realise my error in the past. I got all pumped up with pomposity and arrogance, thinking that "I" was smart, "I" had money, "my" business was successful, "I" could afford nice things... yadda yadda... forgetting that all my successes were not because of the "I" but the "God" in me.

I stopped paying my tithes when my salaries got higher. Can you imagine 10% of 7 digits? I gave pittifully in my offering, even though my name MEANS offering. I just got too high on self and believed my own PR.

Now what do I have?

Long quiet days, boredom, late bills, late cheques coming in, frustration, despair, despondency, depression, fear.... but the most amazing things happen when you are down.

I know God had to strip me of all the distractions-money and men, to re-train my eyes to only see his face, and to re-train my mind to call on his grace. I had got so lost, having achieved so much, and I was struggling spiritually. In fact, I wasnt even struggling spiritually, because I had lost any spiritual conviction I had left and just did as I wanted when I wanted with no fear or admonition of the Lord.

And that is what brought me here....

And you know what? I am grateful for this journey. I am grateful for the struggles, because were it not for them, my eyes would probably never see the glory of the Lord.

So right now, I stand in faith that the Lord will provide all my needs according to his riches in glory.

Whatever success or favour I receive is the life, is not the "I" but the "Him" in me.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Coming to Come

"Coming to come" is a Jamaican term that means... things are coming around. And that's what they are.

I am broke, but I am happy, in a very surreal kind of way.

Trying to keep my life uncluttered with drama.

I realise that when a certain person is nowhere in my life, things just seem well... lighter and brighter..hmmm!

It's amazing what you hold on to. Sometimes there are things that you want that just aren't good for you!

Lesson learnt. Now dont go asking how many times I had to take the same damn lesson to learn it. Even smart people are prone to a likkle dumb dumb behaviour at times.

I am off to raid my mother's kitchen. It certainly pays to live 5 mins from my ma- well- when I am hungry and when I am sick!

Sunday, March 02, 2008

There is a Name...

Political and Economic issues aside, there are some things that have been going on that I have to confess about.

I have been trying to find my spiritual centre over the past two months.

What else is there to do when you hit bottom financially, and in your personal life and the faith that took ou thus far is waning for lack of attention during moments of great success and personal achievement.

But flattened, with nothing to live by but faith, I have had to call on the grace of God for sustainment and hope.

The truth is that His strength is made perfect in our weakness. When we are flattened by trials and tribulations, we cannot assert seld praise for any of our successes. Your focus moves from the self-righteous assertion that you are smart and have a job why you can pay the bills, but that God gave you favour with a client, so you could make that deal just in time to pay that bill.

I am not perfect. I still falter. I falter too much. I did things today that I am not proud of. I did them knowing that they were wrong. But I believe I will rise above these very challenges.

I have grown A LOT over this time. I have made some sound personal decisions. God has been good to me.

I am growing, I am learning. I am changing. I am striving to be the person I was called to be.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Flow Monopoly in Jamaica

Talk about taking steps backward. From a free/open industry to a virtual monopoly at consumers expense, all because the Broadcast Commission have been silent. I wonder if they got kickbacks? Dont even talk about the current government who Michael Lee Chin (who owns the company that owns Flow) has put in place. Mum's the word.

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