Sunday morning pondering

I got a call from my friend The Banker a fellow expatriate here. "You should have CALLED me! OK let me come get you, I will not have you wallow in it. We can go for a swim, I have lots of junk food, there's wine and we have 17 DVDs to watch!"

I passed on the swimming but agreed to watching Slumdog Millionaire with her later. Neither of us has seen it because there is no cinema Behind God's Back.

The boss is coming to visit later. He would have come yesterday but I did not take his call.

The gentlemen are here to fix the front door, ridding it from termite infested untreated lumber. This apartment is truly shitty. I now see why it's the cheapest available. There is at least one problem every week. Even things that get fixed never seem to stay fixed. Take my heater for example, which has been fixed about three times and I haven't had hot water for a week.

If I decide to stay, I am contemplating moving. Only problem is that moving even into a one bedroom apartment is likely to result in a higher rent. Already I have no elasticity in my budget due to my ambitious quest to equip my company out of pocket.

But I also have the security issues to contain with. I am here alone in a very secluded part of the island with an immediate neighbour who is alone herself. Ours is a duplex.

I have done the math, and if I leave, I will not be able to accomplish my goals. The fact is that if I leave without doing so, I may have to get yet another PR job (which are the hardest to get when people are cutting budgets). Even if I get one, I will be forced to delay my dreams even longer.

I know that my personal life is on pause right now while I am here and I am missing out on a lot of great things. But nothing is cut and dry. These are big decisions and all with bigger consequences. What I need to get to the bottom of is just which road will be better for me long term.

Honestly, without the hate crime bit, it was a no-brainer. I'd suffer through it and stay the length of my contract and leave here with my gratuity next year May. But now, everything is a grey area particularly because when you get down to the bottom of it, I am still here alone.

When the boss visits today, I will impress upon him my concern for my security and see what he can say to assure my that I am indeed safe. I have yet to feel the safety of a village. Let's see if one man can intervene.