Sun bathing in the nude

I went to sleep about 4 am. I went to bed at 2:30. I woke up at 7. Had some dumb dream and slumber was restless. I woke up and looked at my own sad eyes reflected on my glossy widescreen mac.

Saw an email from ESC. As expected, he is lost somewhere in euphoria. I am truly happy for him. Two sad people is infinitely more depressive than one. Haven't written him back because as much as I say I like picking fights, I often only do them in my head. I have a vivid imagination, so blow by blow play comes effortlessly.

I think it may be good to go to the beach today and get submerged in the water and watch my woes ebb and flow wide the tide. Maybe they will drift away to sea and end up somewhere on the coast of Hispanola. I hope not in Haiti though because God knows they don't need no more trouble.

I like to feel each emotion that comes at me...good and bad. There is a time for everything under the sun. Including sadness. To much of anything isn't good. Including happiness.

I 've got me a case of "the mean reds" (think Holly Golightly in Capote's Breakfast at Tiffany's).

I wish I could go naked. I love being naked on a deserted and isolated beach. I did that last, early 2008, running up and down in the middle of the day, wild free, like my ancestors would have been before the Europeans colonized our freedom an labelled it uncivilized. I felt I was back there...in a time long before me... when nakedness was a way of life and the body more than sexual. A casing for the spirit. That was pure unadulterated bliss.

I sun bathe topless in Negril and have gone to other nude beaches in Jamaica, but I go only when no one else does, and whenever company arrives, I drape my sarong around me and leave. Hedonism is best fed in isolation.

Then again I come from a family in which groups of us go nude bathing at night at family reunions. Nothing sexual about that either. I dont think the uncles go. But cousins and some aunts do. Of course I am in that lot.

But it takes on a different spin when it's in the daylight. And that's when I truly like it.There is something about nakedness and the sun and water which make a powerful cleansing potion.

Welcome to my head.