Like a Virgin

This whole relationship is making me feel quite virginal. There are so many firsts its unbelievable. This is strange, coming from me who thought myself wise enough to write a sex column.

But seriously though, things have intensified between Easy Skanking Chef and myself and he has expressed his readiness to me thee wed next year. While no ring has yet been placed on my finger, I wonder about a few things.

Just how important is lingerie really? Arent cutesie nighties acceptable and even mor romantic 95% of the time? Wouldn't the surprise element be lost if you wore lingerie to bed everynight?

It also seems that nature has a well-timed sense of humour as it relates to my sex life. Everytime I guaranteed to me some good Marvin Gaye style loving, my cycle intervenes. How is it possible that I have 10 nights with a man for the first time in four months and my cycle lodges smack dab in between? It was the same when he visited me in Summer, but luckily, he stayed for all of three weeks. But do you know the absolute frustration involved when you aint getting none, and every time you supposed to get, braps- Kiature?

I have been reading up so much on relationship and sex and now I have to add period and birth control and all those delights to it.

Did you know you could "prepone" a period instead of postponing it? Well, I learnt that last night. All the postponement remedies involved hormonal supplementation and quite frankly, what is the point of delaying a period if you going to bloat, be nauseated, have cramps, headaches, acne, and maybe some breakthrough bleeding anyway? Furthermore, smoking women cannot safely use any hormone supplement over 35 and the mini-pill could cause the above side effects. On top of all that, I have a family history of lumpy breasts and my favourite aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer at 26. So hormones are a no go for me.

It seems therefore that even when I get married, condoms will have to be the mainstay of our sexlife. Either that or one of us does the snip snip.

Anyway, I am going to have to go and steep a handful of fresh parsley in cup of boling water for 30 mins and drink it 4 times per day to bring on the period. If that does not work, I will have to do ginger and yarrow. Only I dont know what yarrow is nor where to get it, and as a Jamaican, drinking ginger tea is a regular habbit and I never saw a period because of it before, so I really dont think that will work for me.

On top of that, I will call my doctor and ask how to proceed. There is NO way that I am going to be thrilled about having my period cut 10 days of nookie into 4!

A so me say!

This was REALLY fun!!

This was REALLY fun (Thank you Harlem Mama:-)

I promise. I followed directions and I did not cheat (though I was tempted at times :-)

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write that song name down no matter how silly it makes you look.
4. Tag Your friends! (or not.)



IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" U say
Love Needs Vacation Too- (unknown reggae artist)

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Hey Lover - Boyz II Men (feat LL Cool J)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
The Master Has Come Back (Damian Marley)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
I Am De Man- Mutabaruka

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Pull Up-Mr. Vegas Soca Remix

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
I Will Survice-Gloria Gaynor

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Until You Come Back To Me- Aretha Franklin

WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT?
What's Going On- Marvin Gaye

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
All Around The World- Boys II Men

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Witch Doctor- Mighty Sparrow

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Natty Dread- Bob Marley

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Moonlight Sonata- Beethoven

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Love From A Distance- Beres Hammond

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Behold- The Blues Busters

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Young Boy Blues- Ben E. Kings

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
You Bring Me Joy- Anita Baker

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
As Long As You're Black Man, You are an African- Peter Tosh

WHAT WILL YOU NAME THIS?
Get It, Get It- Bryhan Art

A new wave?

I find myself reading up alot about relationships these days- and all related issues. Because mine is long-distance, I read up a lot on those too. It turns out that very many people have a lot to say about relationships, including that of the American first couple to be.

This blog has always been about anything and everything that I felt like giving voice to. Sometimes, it has been meaningful, other times not. Sometimes funny, others grave. Most times happy and hopeful and rarely, sad.

I find myself coming into a new wave. And it's interesting.

Having taken all of 7 years and one too many meltdowns, I walked away from my ex at the beginnig of the year. Hindsight- best thing I ever did.

But 7 years of being in relationship purgatory (between being "in a relationship" and "not"- and more "not" than "in") did take a toll in my sense of reality.

I find that my rekindled relationship with Easy Skanking Chef, though separated by time and space, is going very well. Almost too well. And therein lies a bit of irony.

I have finally created the personal environment to nurture a happy and healthy relationship. This after spending my adult life in bad relationships doomed for failure. So when did all of this growth and self awareness come? And from where? It certainly was not due to previous experience.

Could it be that the bad times really help us to find our way to better times and that struggles help us to eliminate what is not good for us?

The other day I was so thrilled to see calalloo on a menu in a place that doesnt grow it, that I ordered it and had a few mouthfuls before I remembered how grossly sick eating canned callaloo had made me previously, thinking of all the stomach pains and two-day suffering and I put my fork down.

I guess I have also put the fork down on all the relationship melodrama too, having not only tasted the effect, but having a play-by-play memory of all the heartache. I have already tasted and seen what's not good, so I can move on to better choices.

For long enough did I date unavailable men, many of whom who should not have been taken home to my apartment much less to the parents. But I sure did have my fun too!

And that's the thing- that ying always balances with yang, even when the fulcrum my not appear to be properly centred. Seven lost years turned out to be perfect timing for this new relationship.

I have always said (since I discovered the scripture in my most devout spiritual days) that all things work for good for them who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.

I have never since questioned God's love or my calling.

I have had a fair deal of hiccups, obstacles, trials, longsuffering, whatever noun you want to give to Holly Golightly's "Mean Reds," but weathering them and coming through them have made me a much better person.

I have learnt a few things on the way, and outside of scripture, the most profound thing that I have heard is "be present."

Sharon, my Shakti yogi introduced me to this concept years ago in the midst of a really tough time. Awareness in the moment is worth more than rumination or mindless dreaming. I am still working on that but that is what life is for- striving for self-perfection, though knowing that it is impossible and giving yourself kudos for taking your best shot even on your most fucked up days and then trying to rise above it in the next present moment. It was indeed an epiphany (even the midst of writing the Un-Zen "fuck.")

It seems my life is filled with these epiphanies. Christians call them revelations. Either way, it is the Aha! Moment of seeing something differently. Some may never be interested in Aha! Moments because they prefer to stick on the shallow side of the thought pool, but I could never be that person.

One of the things about being an only child for nine years, is that you really become comfortable with having your own thoughts and your own company. I can sometimes be in a room and not there and used to even travel in the middle of conversations but I am getting better at the latter.

Speaking of space, I find that I am slowly getting to relish the quietude of being alone at home all the time and not having anyone here (except when it's bedtime). It is a good thing that I am not going to be here indefinitely because I could see myself turning into a career hermit. And for my personality, something tells me that may be a little unhealthy :)

This ended up being a much longer post than I intended, but the thoughts have won the battle. And creativity must find its release. And inspiration, its voice.