No more identity crisis

Yes you are reading right. I have decided to revert to my original blog name because the mission is still yet to be accomplished. In spite of the fact that I turned 30 late last year, this is my 20Something journal into me. It will take a lifetime, but keeping the name will keep the perspective of the start of the journey in sight, even as I move through the different stages of my life.

Maybe that is another reason why I haven't felt as compelled to blog here since I turned 30- this was not a Thirty-Something monologue, and yet I felt totally irrelevant in both realms. I am still a TwentySomething at heart, with the questions and zeal that it brings. Thirty is new to me, like suddenly fitting into a significantly smaller dress size, without being able to wrap your head around the fact that you are no longer what you were. Or are you?

And speaking of weight, that is an issue that I have carried into my 30s and wish to settle for good this time. I know I keep saying that, but I have a funny relationship with goals. I never stop until I reach them.

When tomorrow comes

I have been here before and maybe you have too. Over the past few months, I have been using food to feed a hunger that was not at all physical. Whoa! I said it. I actually wrote it down. I have voiced it and I have put it out there.

Ladies and gentlemen, without much fanfare, I am back.

Having been derailed last year for a short while, I was back on track this year and some of you may have remembered that I lost 15lbs in my first 2 weeks of strict, no dairy, no sweetener, no refined carb eating. That was until I learnt that I had been pregnant and had lost the baby.

Since then, I have managed to turn that tremendously traumatic experience into something positive, creating a successful niche for myself and even landing a weekly column. I now have a weekly column in one of the oldest English language broadsheets in the Middle East. However, as the weeks wore on, I found myself eating things I knew better than, partially because I work full time with food in the media and also because I was using food to make myself feel better.

My weight gain is never just physical. It is always tied up with other imbalances. Especially weight gain of the sort where one puts on 17lbs in 3 months. I don't know about you but the more I weigh, the less I move and so I just stopped exercising, even though ESC has been at it 4-6 days per week in our apartment.

But you know me, I am not making excuses and I am not beating up on myself either. I am where I am and I am still very happy.

I don't believe in hating myself for having put on the weight. I believe that we must be kind to ourselves, even when we are less than we want to be. We have to love ourselves for who we are in every moment because each moment is all we have got.

I just need to tackle these emotional issues and bring my body, mind and spirit back into balance.

I visualize my success and I simply press on day to day to higher heights or self discovery and authenticity, while I get slimmer.

Thank heavens for new beginnings.

A time to be quiet

It has been almost three months since I last posted here. For good reason. I just did not have anything to say. This is my authentic space. The place where I have no inclination to do anything but me-whatever shape or shade that takes on, but sometimes, it is best to be quiet.

I have much to say but I am not ready to say it.

I will in my own time.

Much love to you for visiting and keeping a vigil.

Peace, love, joy and infinite blessings on your path.

Namaste.