The two day makeup

So ESC decided that he needed to be Away From K and so he took his bicycle and went away from mid afternoon and didn't return until dark.

I was fine, then I got angry, then I felt hurt.

He came back saying that he went to watch a movie by himself. His phone was home so I had no means of reaching him. Not that I would have- after all- I was proper vex.

Anyway... he now talking to me and I turn up the volume on the TV and then every message on blasted tube was bout marriage and I would suck me teeth and change the channel. Then one caught me as a surprise. The promo for that movie with Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant. There was a joke. i didn't expect it. We both laughed. Our eyes met.

"You know I still love you," says he.
"Tschuuuuups," (suck teeth) says me.

He comes over and tries to hug me up and kiss me, spends the next few hours talking about what really happened, and the rest of the weekend making up.

Note to self: Fights are not such a bad idea in marriage because the makeup is unbelievable!!

The silent fight

You know those fights where you go silent because you dare not speak what's on your mind for fear of causing damage worse than the offense about which you are angry? The same ones where little things just nag and annoy and your annoyance becomes nagging all on its own and things just escalate from the trivial mole hill and turn into mountains of Himalayan proportions and everyone is upset and needs space and an all too small studio becomes a prison cell?

We are in Married People's Alcatraz- the penitentiary designed for people who are wedded by law and webbed by space, trying to break free for just a moment of singularity.

I miss my family and friends. This is exactly what girlfriends are for. To forget you have husbands when you need to and to celebrate the joys of just being woman and free.

I love the man but I could certainly leave him from a minute! I could use a Girlie Weekend Getaway right about now... and I am sure my dearly beloved is wishing on the same star.

Shhh... don't talk...

(Pic deleted at a later date)

This is my fave shot of the photo shoot. I am not keeping up this pic permanently. Client hasn't picked up CD but I have emailed this pic already. So for those of you who recognize the persons in this pic....shhhhhhhhh please don't mention it to them. Once the CD has been handed over and reviews are good, I will ask for permission to use in my portfolio. Otherwise... this is just a sneak preview because you know the photographer personally.

Make average great

The Journey through the countryside, Jamaica.

I have been watching a lot of Oprah... isn't that what houswives do? In fact, I watch a lot of TV generally. It helps to pass the hours between rising and falling and breaks the monotony of cleaning and cooking. I could also add ironing to list but I guess it's safe to say that hell is more likely to freeze over. But then again... I am a housewife so hell may already be an ice skating rink. Anyway, back to Oprah. I watched an old espisode yesterday about people's first jobs. Suzie Orman was featured along with Oprah, Kirstie Allen and Martina McBride and Orman said something that struck a chord with me: " When you make average great, your dreams can become a reality." Profound huh? Made me think long and hard. So I'ma take my best shot at being the best at what I do and all that I do. I may just be down to being wife, housewife and occasional photographer and afro hair stylist now, but I can really do each task to the best of my abilities and derive profound joys out of simple tasks.

I have been cycling for the past two days on ESC's bike. I have to readjust the seat because I am a tad shorter than he is but that is just fine by me. After all, it is waaaay more scenic and lots easier to ride on properly paved roads and cobbled sidewalks than it was to navigate the loose marl on the Island Behind God's Back. Not even a mountain bike could help.

Last night I rode to the supermarket and back. I had to pic up some blank CDs to present final proof of photo shoot to client and a toothbrush for ESC. I had used his to get rid of bubble gum off his jeans (I told you I was taking this housewife thing seriously). I also picked up a mouse to relieve the pressure in my hand when using the computer.

For some strange reason, I have been remembering a LOT of things from childhood and adulthood. It's weird. It seems that my brain finally has had a chance to relax and so all these forgotten memories are rising into my consciousness. What is really great about it is that they are mostly good memories and I am even remembering feelings about particular events, places, people and circumstances. I am also remembering my childhood dreams.

One of the things that hit me just yesterday was that I got my first production assistant summer job because I dressed up in my best fitting black jeans, boots and jeans jacket, combed my hair nicely and marched to CPTC to see Mr. Wycliff Bennett without an appointment. I told him that having begun presenting CPTC's Rappin', the teen TV show, I wanted to get a better feel of the entire production process and he gave me the job on the spot. HR found out about me a week or two later and was kinda upset but by the time I was about to leave, Mrs. Dujon got enough reviews about me to ask me to stay on. It was the same for getting into journalism school. I never cared about protocol. I just went and presented myself and I never failed that way.

Turns out that at 16, I knew better than to leave my future up to yet another letter in a huge pile. I knew I could be more commanding in person at the beginning of an executive's day than I would after letter number 63. So why on earth am I sending out all these job applications now? Television is a visual medium. People have to see you, and engage with you to feel you and they have to feel you to hire you. The letter only accompany's you on the morning that you make your unannounced visit.

I am realizing that this time at home is teaching me invaluable lessons about myself and helping me to tackle some core issues. I think that somehow, the confident 16 yo has lost some of her confidence along the way. A little dulling here and there and a little smalling up here and there to make room for those who are not so confident to not feel threatened by me and also to make people like me. Maybe maturity calls for some level of reticence but I have also restricted my own personality in the process.

I think deep down, I am not ready for a job yet. I think I need a few more months to sort through all these things that are now coming to me and to get centred and to find my footing. Something huge is about to happen to me. I can feel it. I am about to come into my own. But something tells me that I have to be still and find my peace before my dreams become my reality.

Namaste.

I won a blog award!!!!!!

Thanks to my fellow blogger, who speaks more highly of me than I can pay for, I got nominated for an award on her Cloudcutter Chronicles blog. It is called the Honest Scrap Award. It requires that I write down 10 honest things about myself before passing on to other bloggers. Hmmm. Haven't I been honest enough already? What more can I say?

1. I was an only child for nearly a decade then I got a massive unleashing of siblings. This along with my zodiac sign (Leo) makes me a very bossy lady. I am a natural leader.

2. I started out in television as a presenter at 16, but went on to study TV production because I had more respect for those people who led things behind the camera than sitting pretty as just "talent."

3. I like to play. Seriously, I romp like a 5yo sometimes. I don't consider myself "childish" just "child-like." One on my favourite lines ever from a movie is "Never forget your childish enthusiasm (Under the Tuscan Sun).

4. I love to cook but despise washing up and any other household chore. Always have. Always will. Pity I still have to do it.

5. I hate when people visit without calling ahead. Maybe the fact that I am not the best housewife ever is a contributor but I also sometimes get so withdrawn into myself that I need to psyche up myself for company.

6. I am as much an introvert as I am an extrovert. I love to meet people, go on adventures and be the life of the party, but I also relish alone time waaaaaaaay more than the avg extrovert. In fact, I think that the Myers Briggs personality test is faulty because it doest allow for a 50/50 score for introverted and extroverted personalities and I am living testimony.

7. I deliberately got rid of any hint of shyness (which really was prolly just a decimal point )when I realized that none of my female friends in 3rd form would talk to boys and somebody had to get the conversation going. I would just go and get the numbers for my friends and play matchmaker.

8. I never knew I had any hint of talent until university. Even now, I am modest because I was taught by the late great Wycliffe Bennett to constantly critique and improve. I am by far, my biggest critic.

9. I never baked bread, scones nor sweet potato pudding before I got married. I am a much better cook now than I have ever been because I am cooking so much.

10. When I was growing up, I always saw myself changing careers and doing many things, I guess I knew somehow that I would be adventurous enough to try on anything that fits. So at 29, I have been a TV presenter, producer, director, writer, pr, radio show host, producer, presenter, executive, elementary school teacher, voice and speech lecturer, event manager, photographer, afro hair stylist, avon lady, fishmonger, designer shoes retailer, entrepreneur, housewife and prime time weather girl.

and one for brawta (a little extra)

11. It's not easy being married to a chef. Long hours, unpredictable days off, always working on holidays and special occasions. But harder than being married to a chef, is COOKING FOR A CHEF! Most times, he is the doting husband who is happy that his wife is a pretty good cook (claims he would not have married me otherwise) but sometimes, he comes home still wearing his chef's hat and starts to revue my food like a tasting session for a new restaurant menu. I have heard " I like the flacour but not the texture." I have also heard "You could work on that recipe." But then again, it was my oxtail stew that made him fall in love, so hey- I guess you can't get the ying without the yang. I made sure not to put the vinaigrette on the salad this time until service cuz giving the chef soggy salad will incite comments like " I love the vinaigrette but it's clear that its been sitting in the salad for a while." I can take criticism about work but food? Shut up and eat or cook it youself!

And the award goes to...

I have to pass on... I will write my list tomorrow. Stay tuned!

This is harder than I think because I haven't been reading a lot of blogs lately- due to my hands. In fact, I seemed to have narrowed it down

THE LIST

Harlem Mama- for influencing me to blog in the first place and for having a reservoir of talent that is waiting to be unleashed

DMK Journal- for expressing pure love from a man's perspective

Razor Blade of Life- for sharing about your daily life in the UK and making us see similarities beyond parochial borders

Tastes like home - for really cool dishes and photography.. I have been following you secretly... now I am out of the closet

Desperate Chefs Wives- for giving me a sense of community upon discovering how scary it can be to be married to a chef

Black Girl Long Hair- for providing a space for natural afro hair gals and guys to share some kinky love

Today is a good day: my first paid photo shoot in Dubai

It got off to a good start. I got up early. Stepped out into heavy fog, more than I have ever witnessed in my life. Was on location on time. Starting taking test shots to calibrate lighting settings. Then I realised that I forgot how to manipulate my camera. Serves me right for not shooting anything in a month. I clearly bluffed my way through and pretended that nothing was awry. I made some compensations for my lack of expertise and thankfully, the camera, location and subjects did the rest. God was in there every step of the way.

The whole shoot lasted for about 1 hr before the sun got too intense and we packed up.

I gave them my best lens- the one that costs almost as much as the camera. I figured that if they were paying me, I could pull out my golden child for them. It worked!

I got paid at the end of the shoot and had a frappucino and a ride back home. I didn't check how much I was paid until I was in the elevator. I am still in awe. I got a tip of $100 USD.

God is good!.

So now I am saving towards three things:
The printer
The reflector with stand
The macro lens

In the meantime, I will have to go out and canvas the different sites in search of great backdrops for location shoots.

Ma, I was underselling myself, but I gave enough room for God to provide the difference. Give thanks. Selah.

Life outside of cyberspace

Later I have my first fully paid photo portrait session with a family at the beach. Looking forward to it. I guess things are looking up for me now. Give thanks.

My hands still hurt badly the moment I turn on the computer so I have just been keeping it off. I miss you badly... haven't forgotten you.. in fact, I am thinking about video blogging as a substitute. It's that bad.

Gotta run.

Nuff love.

Sandstorm Survival

Still not back... just checking in.

I have been sick. Got caught in a sandstorm and got an asthma attack then my allergies have been acting up.

I have been weak and trying to rest as much as possible but I have things to do so I am doing them slowly.

Heading to the mall now to go to the pharmacy, pay some bills and go to the supermarket.

Hope all is well with you.

Still on a sabbatical but...

I had a most amazing day. The best in two weeks. I discovered the market. Wowza! Local fresh produce like never seen in the supermarket... jelly coconut to quench the shopping thirst... dried coconut for fresh homemade coconut milk...fish fresh as the sea...

I baked two loaves of my bread (my third batch ever) for my friend and her hubby and toddler. She was the one who rescued me ffrom my apartment and another same old same old day. I made plantain tarts too and a strawberry tart with the left over pastry.

Yumza!

We chatted while I baked and she cooked saltfish, boiled dumplings and get this FREST calalloo on the side. Yes, you heard right! FRESH calalloo in Dubai!

I was in heaven! And she have season hand!

So, a very Jamaican day was had by me in the middle of the dessert. Ignore the Starbucks chicken caesar wrap and coffee for breakfast after getting out of bed at 6:45 am to go to the bank with ESC.

I think I just might love living in the Middle East!