Reflections In Absentia

The Mother Hen was told, and like a true mother hen, she set about praying, armed with the backative of an entire church on fasting for one whom Mother Hen describes as "too good a child for any bad ting fi happen to."

During all this, my depression lifted.

I did not wake up crying this morning. I even managed to pluck hairs from my chin. But even though my fate is sealed as a bearded old lady, I am not so certain where it is sealed here in the midst of all the melodrama.

With the depression lifted, I am feeling like Sheer Almshouse again (no pun intended). So I am also thinking like Sheer Almshouse.

Imelda and I had a series of good chats about the whole issue. Enlightening as usual. She understood my desire to leave in the midst of the worst economic depression of my twentysomething life because I was afraid. She knows I am not a scaredy cat. And with the inclusion of sharp cutting tools and the piercing of my tires, a simple prank turned into a sinister, devious, and brutal personal crime in her view.

I am not certain what I am really going to do. It is too early to say. I have of course reviewed my options and discussed with Easy Skanking Chef. He would prefer if I leave, because he is powerless to protect me from so far, but he knows there is just no absolute in a time like now, and in the meantime, he prays. He is of course a chef, and the restaurant and hospitality industry is feeling the recession all the way to hell and back. No future is certain. Job tenure is present, but not necessarily continuous.

I had a visitor from work today. She came twice. Give her credit where credit is due. No one else has even called, except the boss who was himself on the crime scene in his weekend khaki shorts on Saturday.

So, I still don't trust anyone as far as I can throw them. And I still don't want people around me.

My compassionate leave is indefinite. I am not certain when I will be ready to work. If it were closer to payday, I would go to NYC and DC and get a break to really think about my options (and collect the camera). I was thinking that taking a trip is not a good idea when I want to leave, but I am no longer so thoroughly convinced that leaving is the best thing for me at this point either. I am ambivalent.

The only thing I know for certain is that I need time. So now that I don't feel so muddled, I am going to pray and meditate on things and wait to see what settles right in my spirit. Mother Hen taught me from very young to listen to it.